Friday, December 31, 2010

The Service Puppy Is Here

Well, it's been a while and lots has happened. A few nasty hits, some lovely company and we went to Montana to pick up my puppy.

Our target date was mid January, but another toxically injured woman was getting a pup from the same litter and her husband had Christmas week off. So did mine, so we moved up the date. I had been looking forward to meeting her, but I didn't get the chance. I did meet her son, Joe, who was a very nice young man.

The trip itself was an expedition. First there was the recomissioning of my husbands truck. He uses it at work and it is routinely contaminated by clients and co-workers. It had to be thoroughly cleaned. It took an entire day, with a purifier running all night. While it wasn't 100%, it was close enough. We always travel with a car purifier, so figured it would work.

I had to prepare food to take. 99% of restaurant food is toxic, so I make sure I have my own. I also have to take along my detox Meds and porphyria cures, clean water, as most city systems are treated with chlorine or worse, and a bucket to pee in, as most public restrooms are fragrant. This trip I took meat, cheese and cookies. I also took 2 gals of fresh water, with baking soda, large dog towels and fragrance free detergent, just in case the puppy wasn't fragrance free. I also took fragrance free wipes. Then, of course a change of clothes, in case I got a bad hit and needed to change out of the contaminated ones, since we'd be traveling for 13 hours. We chose the truck because the cab and canopy are separate compartments. That way toxic items can be in the canopy. If the puppy was really smelly, she could travel back there. We brought along two kennels. A smaller one for the cab, a larger one for the canopy.

With this condition you have to plan for everything. I had maps and routes printed out, as well as contact numbers for the other couple and for the breeder. We had agreed to meet in front of a restaurant, or as close as I could safely get.

Our trip began at 6:00 a.m. It was right about 30 degrees and expected to stay around 35 during the day for most of the trip. Hardly anyone was out on the roads the day after Christmas, so the drive up was very pleasant. It wasn't until we hit Spokane that the weather started to get messy. As you leave Spokane you cross into Idaho and climb into the mountains. We entcountered ice, slush and packed snow. There were only a few flurries and Ron is a very experienced winter driver; he grew up in the Elk Horns.

We met the breeder in Superior MT. My new puppy was everything I'd been led to believe. It was well below freezing there, so we didn't linger over the exchange. In fifteen minutes we were back on the road, it was 12:30, mountain time.

We started with the puppy in a kennel, but this was her first experience being separated from her mom and siblings. Her mom was even there at the exchange. The pup showed us just how loud a voice she had and the finer points of it's ear splitting qualities in the confines of the cab... I tried to keep her quiet as best I could, until we got through the icey parts. I didn't know how wiggly she'd be and didn't want her distracting Ron. It was a good thing, too. Just ahead of us another extended cab pickup spun out of control and rolled across the highway. When we arrived, the family members were crawling out of the dented place above the driver's side door. That pick up was laying on the drivers side. It was odd to think that "it was a good thing it got the dent there, or they wouldn't have been able to get out."

Once we got back to Spokane and the temperature was safely above freezing I held her, so she wouldn't bark. Normally I wouldn't do this, but we still had 3 + hrs left to drive. We stopped often so she could pee and to break up the trip.

The last few days have mostly been about housebreaking and crate training. It will be awhile till my next post, as I've got my hands full. So far, she has met 45 dogs and 19 people. She's met cows, sheep, llamas, ATVs, and been to the vet. She has learned: sit, out, down, leave it and quiet. She hasn't got "come" down yet, but she's making excellent progress. I'll keep you informed.

Hope the new year brings you blessings, healing and health!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


While we crave company, exhaust ourselves in preparing for them, over extend ourselves while they are here and crash back into loneliness and despair when they leave. It's still worth it. It is, for a short time, a small taste of normalcy, a precious glimpse of getting our lives back, a fantasy. The harsh reality is that we are not normal. We have to accept the terms of life that we've been dealt. In order to do that, we have to pick ourselves back up and refocus our lives on something that is valuable.

Many people successfully deal with the loneliness of the holiday season by immersing themselves in traditions, shopping, caroling or volunteering and participating. We can't. I'm sure you are thinking that we can do the 'traditions" part, but think about it.... traditions revolve around other people, or they are meaningless. You can festoon your environment with whatever you want. If there is no one to enjoy it with you, it ceases to have value. People who have lost loved ones at this time, understand that. Real value in life revolves around relationships. Real joy, comes from sharing with others.

Refocusing is a struggle. I try all kinds of things. Reading doesn't do it. I'm distracted by the clock ticking. Researching seems flat. I phone a friend, they have lives, carrying them along like a tumbling creek. I feel like I'm stuck in this stagnant back water... I try different hobbies, boring. All boring. I try singing, and listening to the radio... nope, not that either. I look at the pictures of the puppy I'm getting... too far off. I try to plan stuff to do, too tired. Tasty food? Don't care. Am I depressed? Well, duh!

Of course I'm depressed. I'd be mentally unbalanced if I wasn't. Its sad, being excluded and imprisoned in isolation. Will I get over it? Yeh. I'll work through it. It will get better. I'll just have to grieve the loss,... again.

I guess I wrote this today to share with other TIs that, for us, its normal. Its O.K. to be depressed. We all feel that way from time to time. Good grief, our lives are horrendous! We should be unhappy with it. We grieve because we don't want to be like this... I've heard from way to many people who've been charged with faking it, to get attention. What attention? None of us wants to be excluded and injured at every turn. We don't want to have to problem solve constantly just to achieve the most simple task in a way that minimizes our exposures, pain and suffering.

Am I having a pity party? Perhaps. I'm grieving. I miss who I used to be and what I used to be able to do. I used to do this...

Now, I don't have the co-ordination. Even if I could find non toxic supplies. 

 I used to go skiing, sailing, and white water rafting. Can't. Doesn't matter that I still want to, the chemicals used in those environments make the price too high...

I used to work on my garden... My evil neighbor makes sure that's impossible.

During the holiday season, I used to be part of the living nativity, attend parties and carol shut ins. I used to lead youth groups to shovel walks and clean up yards for the elderly or sponsor fun activities. Can't anymore. Most youth are hugely smelly.

So follow me through the process, I have to force my self to refocus. I have to look at what  I can do... I can do a little weaving, some embroidery, and some knitting. I made this hat for the young man down the road, who mows my right of way and the drive, in the summer....

Doing something for some one else, helps. It gives me a sense that I still matter to someone, in a small way. I've thought about making things for vets, like hats and gloves, but, one, I can't afford the supplies, and two, I can't be around supplies that come from fragranced environments. Most donated supplies reek...  

It isn't easy to refocus, or reset ones life. It takes effort, and it takes tears. We have to cry, for just a little while... I guess we do have to throw that pity party. 

I always say, "If you have to have a pity party, serve cookies..." So I guess, I'd best go make some. What do you think, sugar cookies or gingersnaps? O' yeah, gluten free and organic. Ya' comin'? 

You come, I'll make both and eggnog! Gee, I'm feeling better already....

Monday, December 13, 2010

The National Conversation...

The CDC is sponsoring a National Conversation on Chemical Exposures and Public Health.

I urge all of you to check into their web sight and check it out! Too many people have been, and are being, harmed by consumer product and environmental toxins, for anybody to remain ignorant on this subject. I took the time to read all the comments that have been submitted for the most recent round. There are some tremendous people from all walks of life, submitting a wide range of well informed comments.

You can read personal stories, facts and figures and research papers. There are comments submitted from hospitals, universities, groups, coalitions and individuals. Everyone of them telling their piece of the story. All of us crying out for change. But, we can't do by our selves. We need everyone to get involved. We need every voice! The bottom line is that the government will be moved by sheer weight of numbers...they've been in possession of substantive facts for more than 60 years. Only when the majority of the population is crying out, will they input the changes we need to protect ourselves and our children.

This too, is part of the adventure of living with Toxic Injury. The fight for recognition and equal rights. It has to be DONE. It won't get done by itself. So each of us fights on, one letter, one comment, one paragraph, one word, what ever it takes, whatever we can accomplish, be it great or small, we do it. It all matters. It all helps. Join us. Fight for your future.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Service Dog Update

I'm very excited about my upcoming service dog! She's just a puppy yet and I won't be getting her for several weeks. I go to the breeders site and look at pictures of all her beautiful poodles. It's very exciting.

I and "my trainer" had a divergence of opinion. She is an excellent dog trainer, I just didn't want a typical "service dog." She is passionate about her methods, I respect that. However, I being 50, have raised and trained enough critters to know what I do and do not want. Since we were both steadfast in our opinions, I decided I didn't need to pursuade her, I just let her go, and wished her well.

The big issue for me is in regards to AKC Canine Good Citizens. Both my son's and daughters childhood dogs were registered. RD was taken from us due to being poisoned by a pedophile that lived around the corner from my son, in his college town. The same pedophile who had poisoned 8 other dogs in the immediate neighborhood, over a course of 2 years. The pedophile would start harassing the dogs, then when they were wound up, he'd call animal control and report that the dogs were a nuisance and barking all the time. When the control officer came to investigate, the dogs would think it was the creep. The animal control officer would then harass the owners and write them up... Then the perp would threaten the dog owner and say that one day the dog would disappear and they'd never find it.

RD was so well trained, it was easy for the perp to take him. It's a myth that dogs know who's good and bad. Any duplicitous person can fool them. The creep took RD right out of the yard and shut the gate behind him. He took him downtown and fed him anti-freeze. Ryan had only been gone for a couple of minutes. He went searching and checked the pound. Someone turned him in. He was sick and foaming at the mouth. The pound keeper said they got a lot of dogs this way... Ryan found out the same thing had happened to the neighbors dogs. RD didn't live much longer after that. We complained to the animal control officer that the guy was a registered pedophile and was taking his cute small dog out for walks, exactly when the JR high let out and on the main collector route. It took them a year to believe us; they finally caught him in the act...poor girl! Why did they have to wait until that poor child was traumatized?!

So, That is why I don't want my dog to be trained to be "friendly" to everyone. I do want my dog to be well behaved, polite and reserved with strangers. That was were my trainer and I diverged.

So, I'm researching skills a service dog needs to have, as well as their recommendations for socializing. I'm practicing on my son's new "puppy." He's 12 months. This is another area where the trainer and I diverged. She thinks if you don't begin the training immediately that they are 8 weeks, the dog is ruined. I have obedience trained so many stray dogs that showed up here on our farm, so they could be re-homed, that I know that is just untrue! The trainer also insisted that a dog can only be trained to do one job. I think that is silly.

Which brings us to Jesse, a dog my son adopted from a shelter last winter, that I've been babysitting while my son was away for work. So far, Jesse has all the obedience skills but the long down and long sit. Don't misunderstand me, Ryan did most of that. Jesse and I have been working on retrieval, Scent & Recovery, (mostly because it's fun for both of us) and now herding. We're having a blast! He has proven very adept at cattle, including the bull, sheep, including the rams, and llamas. I'm almost tempted to try him on poultry. I think we need a little more work, first. He's a German Shepard, husky cross and his prey instinct is a factor that we will need to work on. But, he's been out 5 times and been very successful all 5 times. Oh, he wasn't perfect. Sometimes he's paying more attention to the poo he wants to sample, rather than what the livestock are doing.... But, still he's exceeded my expectations.

Some of the commands that Jesse has learned are, "wait" "slow" "hold 'em" "come back". He already had heel, but now he heels from clear across the pasture. He's also figuring out left and right. And, this is all "just plain fun" to him. He can't wait to go play with the critters again... While he doesn't have all of this down, 100%, yet... He's only been out 5 times! He'll get it. By the way, I don't do clicker training, and didn't do any of that with bait work. We just "play games." As a teacher with 20 years experience, I've found this works best for man and beast. Learning should be fun.

Ryan I are training him to "cast" when we come back in from taking the stock out to the back fields. Won't it be a hoot when we get him perfected on retrieve and S&R to take him bird hunting! I have no doubt that he'll make an excellent gun dog as well! LOL

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Just because I Have Brain Damage, It Doesn't Mean I'm Stupid

I am continually amazed by people who treat disabled people like they are mentally incompetent!

What in the world does missing a limb have to do with I.Q. anyway? Or being blind? Nothin'.

Now, I have a diagnosis of "brain damage," but that doesn't mean that makes me stupid either... Not anymore than an individual that receives a concussion. A concussion is physical damage caused by a blow, or shaking, that damages brain cells. Toxic Injuries cause damage by chemical actions that harm brain cells. Just as with physical trauma to the brain, chemical trauma can cause functional abnormalities, too. You'll see the same types of symptoms: swelling in the brain tissue, confusion, disoriented, slurred speech, dizziness, sometimes blindness, and loss of cognitive function, etc.

Have I been mentally impaired? Yes. Severely. Did I feel "stupid?" Yes. Because I could no longer do the things I used to. And I knew it. During that time period I suffered extensive cognitive impairment, couldn't track time, lost most of my vocabulary, couldn't type or write, lost both fine and gross motor skills, my speech was slurred and I experienced visual disturbances, including blindness. My ability to communicate with others was grossly diminished.

BUT, I wasn't stupid! Inside me, in my brain, where it couldn't get out, I still knew. I knew what I felt. I knew who people were, even if I couldn't name them. I knew what they were saying, even if it took me longer to comprehend what they meant. It wasn't that I lost my intelligence; it was just slower, like someone with a broken leg, learning to walk again. The second part of it was that I had lost my ability to communicate and relate to the outside world. It is the same thing that stroke victims experience. We're trapped in our bodies, with no way to make contact.

Before I became disabled by pesticides (and plug-in air fresheners) I worked a lot in the Special Needs rooms in the schools. That's the classroom for students with mental and developmental disabilities. I always believed that their brains were still functioning in there. They just couldn't bridge the communication gap. Since experiencing these types of injuries, myself, I now know it's true.

Research has proven that all neurological impairments are due to environmental and consumer product toxins. Therefore, the "special needs kids" are toxically injured. As are all other persons with neurodegenerative diseases.

Do I get treated like I'm stupid? Oh, yeah. The most ironic thing is that it's usually by some one that's not even as competent as I am in my injured condition. That one always stuns me. There seems to be a direct correlation between real stupidity and bigotry. The more bigoted one is, the more stupidly they behave. They exhibit a complete absence of logic, once bigotry is applied. For instance: I called The Oregon Advocacy for the Disabled, one time when I was desperately trying to get some help. They told me, "They Don't serve (my) kind."

Are you kidding me?! That statement, right there, defies all logic! They're supposed to help all disabled and guarantee equal rights... But they refused to serve me, because I'm disabled with chemical sensitivities. I tell them that I have brain damage. The woman says they don't help people with my kind of brain damage! Are we splitting hairs now? How logical is that! I become upset and she says she will send me some complaint forms to fill out. All forms are toxic due to the chemicals they use to fix the ink to the page!! I tell her this and she says she can send me some forms to complain about it... They then give me numbers of other people I'm supposed to call who should help me. People who I've already called and they refused to help me because they had never heard of my disability, as well. Most of these very bigoted people will even make comments about how very burdensome my life is and then state emphatcally (and erroneously) that my disability is not recognized by the ADA! That is the very definition of disability under the ADA! I can only deduce that they are being deliberatly obtuse.

Deliberatly stupid.

Monday, November 29, 2010

The Groundswell of Frenzy

Thanksgiving has past and the surge of frenetic activity rises until it becomes the impending form of a tsunami, headed for Christmas.

I remember when Christmas was about the baby Jesus, being born in a lowly manger. Christmas was about Christ; the gift that God gave mankind so that there would be someone pure enough to pay the penalty for all our sins. Christmas was about hope, and joy, and the fulfilling of a promise....

Now it seems as though it's about marketing. They even market 'hope' and 'joy', as seen in every made for TV 'christmas special.' It's about shopping. It's about scrabbling and pushing and shoving to get the best deal. It's about senseless buying and eventually returning. It's about tinsel, glitz and lights, packaging and window dressing... All of this frenzied activity, as people desperately make every vain attempt to recapture that illusive feeling of Christmas that they remember from their childhood, or that they have been taunted with on TV. I don't know if the current generation ever got to experience it first hand? Or was it obliterated amid the rush of over scheduled lives, punctuated by endless rounds of electronic gaming?

Oh sure, we want to get presents for people we love... But, do they have to be bigger and better, every year? Do they really have to be expensive at all? Couldn't they be, as originally intended, thoughtful or handmade? I didn't think I was that old, but I remember when nearly everyone made their own cards! I remember when, "it's the thought that counts" was taken at face value.

I was horrified to hear on the news that the majority of Americans still hadn't paid off their credit card debt for last Christmas' expenditures!!! Are you kidding me?! That doesn't seem like "hope & joy" to me. It sounds more like stress and despair.

I wonder how many of the rest of you out there see it? Or is this just another unique blessing from my disability?... Having been forced out of the mainstream, sidelined, benched, and isolated, I see the bigger picture. Standing on the outside looking in, I see just how crazy this all seems. I see how valueless all the stuff is, when just a few minutes of another persons time means all the world to me!

In that pungent stable, on that long ago spring night - no it was not winter; the sheep would not have been in the hills, where the angels went to tell the shepherds the good news, if it was winter. Livestock was brought down into the valleys during the winter. That was a modification the Roman Catholic church promulgated when Emperor Constantine mandated catholacism as the state religion, to appease the people who worshiped the winter solstice...

So, in a pungent stable, smelling of urine and dung, on that long ago spring night, a pure and holy child was born. I sign of promise to all the people! Had that child been born in a kingly palace, amid the wealth and splendor, the pomp and glitz and material goods, He wouldn't have been accessible to everyone. So God spurned the glitz and glamor, the window dressing the frenzy of high society, and instead, came into this world with humility. Mary and Joseph were grateful for what small blessings they had. Shelter, clean bedding, warmth, privacy, a safe delivery of their child... Shouldn't we also count our blessings? Shouldn't that be the model of peace and joy this Christmas?

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Peace of Winter

Winter has always been the traditional time of peace. In olden times before the advent of modern warfare, cultures with seasonal weather, took time out from fighting during the winter months. It was just too hard on the troops ~ frigid temperatures and no food. It is poetic then, that for those with Toxic Injury, the winter months again, mean peace.

It is snowing. A lovely blanket of white begins to cover the ground. Scrubbing the air clean, dampening the strident sounds of the freeway, more than a mile away. To me, it heralds the return of freedom... While most of my neighbors are snuggled into their recliners, enjoying some relaxing time in front of the tube, I am roaming my domain. I take it back from the villains and brigands that forced it from my grasp during the more temperate months.  All threat of spraying is, at least for a while, abated...

Now, like ancient war machines, farm implements are silenced! Their grinding and roaring hearts which poured forth toxic fumes into the air, are stilled. They sit miserably hunched against the cold, comatose until spring.

And I, I am free! What to me is a little cold, a little damp? The stinging kiss of erstwhile snowflakes? Only the joy of life and land, welcoming me back.
I foray out, taking stock of cattle and sheep, I had not seen all summer. They too have been struck hard by the vagaries of pesticide drift. I have no recourse, no weapons to fight with. I cannot protect them, the law won't allow it. The invisible marauders sift across the land, and round the globe, unimpeded. Killing, maiming destroying. Now, the land, the animals and I rejoice. Blessed respite!

Many might suppose that winter is harsh against livestock. Not so. They are far more prepared to deal with it than we. Their rough warm coats repel the weather. With sufficient food, they are unconcered. My cows munch contentedly on field side shrub and bramble. Augmenting their generous breakfast of premium alfalfa. They rejoice in the suppression of the chemicals spewed forth during the agricultural season. They run and gambole, enjoying the snow. Niether rain, sleet nor wind, distresses them. They are more stalwart than mailmen.  And I, I wander among them, breathing their breath, listening to their lowing, checking for damage. Who needs supplements? Who needs extra care. This I can do, released from my prison. I get but 4 short months. I make the most of it.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

A Roller Coaster Ride

Well, unbelievably, when the spray trucks set out to do that field, yesterday, they discovered that the pump wasn't working! Yeah! They told me they would be coming the next day. Which is today. Boo. They of course said, again, it was weather dependent. They would have to wait till it warmed up... About noon. Yeah! I'd be able to do another day of horses. Yeah! It warmed up about 10:00 a.m. But I already got the horses done. Then unbelievably, the wind came up. They can't spray if the winds blowing! Yeah. Yeah! They will probably try again, maybe this afternoon if the wind stops blowing. Boo. Or tomorrow, boo, weather dependent. And I would get another day of horse work. Yeah!

We are supposed to get snow this weekend, into next week. They can't spray with snow or too much moisture. Yeah! for me. (Boo! for my farmer friend, that really needs to get rid of those weeds.)

If they put off spraying until Monday or Tuesday, that's too close to my trip out to the Dr. And will be severely life threatening. BOO! Booo! Boo! I'm praying that it will freeze really hard, and they won't need to spray at all. Yeah!

We live on tenter hooks. Other peoples decisions make such a huge impact in our lives. Our lives are controlled by so much outside of ourselves.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Aaah Piss!!!!

It's mid November. They are spraying again! They are spraying the field right in front of the house. It makes me want to cry! The chemical they are using is an organophosphate, Bromoxynil, really toxic and dangerous. It volatizes for 9 days.

That means I'm locked inside the house for 9 days. I can't work my horses, I can't potty the dogs. I can't even safely drive myself to the doctors next Tuesday. I could get a hit so bad that I'll "crash" on the way and get stranded. Even the door opening and closing as my family members go in and out, is a risk. The outside air rushes in and with it, the pesticides! Aaaarrrrgh!

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they are letting me know. That does help. I'm grateful that they are being careful about windspeed and direction. I make a point of expressing my appreciation and being cheerful when they call. It's just that I know this is going to hurt. It's going to hurt me bad. And there's nothing I can do to prevent it.

I know what you're thinking, Stop it! Do you know how many times people ask that? If there was a safe place I could go, don't you think I'd go there? I used to go to my mother and father in-laws, but my one sister in-law, got jealous of our relationship and started putting on fragrance and coming over and deliberately toxing me. So, it's no longer safe. There's no point in running to a toxic safe house.

Sure, I have other family and friends, but it takes a special kind of person to be willing to go to that much inconvenience to make sure that their home is safe for someone as sensitive as I am. I know very few people that would do that, within a distance that I could drive. Remember how I explained earlier that it is extremely difficult to identify that which you can neither see nor feel? Well, most people clean to the limit of their perception. Then, they truly believe that it's clean enough, and become offended if you infer otherwise.

I've battened down the hatches. I've brought in firewood. - burning a fire draws the toxins out of the inside air and burns them off. I use non toxic, non paraffin candles, too.

Research shows that in 98% of 2,4D applications within 500 ft. Of homes, a substantial amount ends up in the home. Even when the home is closed up and on windless days. This chemical is a 2,4D mixture. DRIFT! This is going to hurt. My kidneys are already damaged. I've been peeing brown off and on for days.

I remember an article I read about religious and political prisoners in China. When they are first sentenced to prison, they are told that they will receive 2 beatings. One when they first arrive and a second one, anytime during their sentence. They are assured that the 2nd will be much worse than the first. The first beating is to within an inch of their life. The expectation is debilitating. This is like that. Any spray event could be worse. Any spray event, could kill me.

It's so wrong. It is morally and ethically wrong for the country that styles itself the leader in civil rights and justice to deliberately poison any group of it's people.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Trade Off

You can't do everything. That's the bottom line. We want to do everything, but we just don't have the energy for it. Take today. I have this blog to write, the horses to work, the kitchen and house to clean. I should answer that email from the dog trainer and those 3 from the holistic pet health forum. I should do laundry and pay those bills. I have to order the yarn for the hat I"m knitting for the young man who mows my driveway if my husband can't get to it...  I should eat. I'm supposed to rest. And, there's always the protocols. (forget about cooking dinner, it's leftovers tonight!)

So today I chose, protocols, eating, horses, ordering and answering half the emails. Which I discovered, I did a crappy job of, due to the fact that I used up all my glutathione working the horses. I didn't discover it until after I posted. Of course.

When you use up your glutathione, your thinking gets muddled and you can't talk straight or make nice clean sentences... How am I doing by the way? Sometimes it's so bad, I type and type, thinking I'm writing this really great stuff. I even read it as I'm typing it. When I go back to edit it, its complete gibberish. That's scary.

I can read something over a hundred times, on tox days and not see the mistakes. FYI, I don't drive on those days. I get some one to take me. Frustrating and scary.

I am loving working with the horses. It's a shame I have to give up one for the other.  I can't research on the days I expend a lot of energy. My brain won't process it. There just isn't enough " glute" to go around.

When I was sicker (yes, not a word, I know) I could only do one thing more than my protocols a day. I actually embarked on an exercise program to remove the toxic fat. My doctor bumped my glute up so I could process the toxins I dumped when I burned the fat. I actually only exercised a total of 2.5 hrs on the Wii, each day. It took me 10 hrs a day to complete it. I'd do one excercise, 30 seconds, to 2 min., then rest. etc. I didn't get anything else done on those days. It was boring! And the Wii has a smart mouth!

I lost 30 lbs. I've gained it all back over the course of two spray seasons. The toxins hit my body, my body encases them in fat and stores them in adipose areas. I also experienced the same kind of mental fatigue that I do when I work horses. Working horses is much more fun. Not boring. So we'll see if this helps burn toxic fat! I'm going to take it a little easier. I want to be able to still have a functioning brain!

That's all I have time for tonight. I have to turn the horses out to pasture.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My Fearless Leader

Peggy is my fearless leader. She runs the "MCS"Beacon of Hope Foundation. ( Finding her was one of the biggest blessings I've received from this disability.

I came across Peggy and the Beacon 6 years ago, while researching my condition on the net. I really liked their mission statement, and was considering volunteering with them. I made the call.

Peggy answered. The first thing that poured over me, thru the line, was the warmth of southern hospitality. Pure comfort. I could tell, with in the first few minutes,  I was talking to a compassionate, tenacious and feisty woman. One of the first things that she wanted to know was, what did I need? As in, physical stuff.

By this time, I'd acquired enough knowledge to know that the majority of TIs lose their jobs, and subsist well below the poverty line. I think she had a tough time believing that I didn't need anything. TIs need: speaker phones, computers, (these are their safest connection to the outside world and to their community) as well as a host of other pieces of equipment that makes their disability easier. Peggy's foundation provides this kind of equipment to TIs that can't afford it. It was great information, even though I didn't need help purchasing it. What impressed me most was how much she wanted to help. I liked this woman.

Now, you all know, I tend to be blunt, so I squirreled right in and asked, her some point blank questions. It didn't phase her a bit. This was a woman I could work with!

That was the beginning. Over the course of the last 6 years I've learned that she is one of the most honorable people I know. She has the kind of integrity that you don't find much anymore. She still gets outraged by evil, and still battles for righteousness. In fact, her daughter Julia (the co-founder) and I have to reign her in, or she will work her self into the ground, to help others.

She is the driving force behind the foundation. Not only was she taking calls, counseling and comforting any and all that inquired, but she drives a campaign to all the heads of government to raise awareness and education about toxic injury. She's the one that puts in months of work, making contacts and laying ground work to get the support and signatures for the proclamation, every year.

She's always there, just a phone call away. I've laughed with her, cried with her and problemed solved both her symptoms and mine. We've shared anger over injustice and triumph over break throughs. The triumphs are too few. This disability is so little recognized, and so disrespected in the public sector. The battles we fight are not only public, but personal, eveyminute, of every day.

I worry about her. She's poured her life out for the cause. She herself can't benefit from the Foundation, yet she has medical needs she can't afford. Most effective treatments for TIs aren't covered by insurance or Medicare/medicaid. Very few doctors are trained in Environmental medicine. Of those who do practice, most don't take Medicare. So while I work with her, problem solving for other's, I'm constantly aware of her disintegrating condition. Julia and I worry that we are going to lose her.

We are trying to come up with ways that we can get her the help she needs. Fund raising is our biggest barrier. We can't get out in the real world to do it. We refuse to charge for our services. It is unethical to ask a drowning man for $20.00 or his credit card #, before throwing him a rope. That is what so many of the other groups do... That seems like exploitation to me.

So if you have any do-able ideas, please leave a comment. I don't want to lose her. That would break my heart; she is a devoted friend, a mother, an inspiration, my rallying cry, my general, my Fearless Leader!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Field Trips for TIs

This is Silver Falls State Park, near Silverton, Oregon. It is a beautiful temperate rainforest with a succession of spectacular falls and miles of trails. If you go during the week, you hardly meet anyone. And more importantly, the bathrooms are fragrance free.

TIs need get-a-ways too!

My husband, daughter, son in law and his sister, and I took a terrific 4 day vacation to the Oregon coast this last May. We stayed in a yurt, south of Newburg. The park rangers there were wonderful, and arranged to have our yurt cleaned with non-toxics and the bathrooms, to be done the same.

On the way back, we spent 4 hours, hiking the trails at Silver Falls, with my father, who met us there. It was wonderful to get out, feel a fresh breeze and smell the understory.

We visited many beach locations while away and made a local healthfood store our deli of choice. We cooked chowders and grilled salmon steaks over an indian fire...

If I got tired, I napped in the car while they visited the more fragrant sights. It helped that we had an extended cab pickup with a canopy on the back. That way they could put the jackets, that they wore into the smelly locations, and their packages, in the back and not tox me. The jackets also helped to keep their clothes from picking up toxins. I always prepare take a long food that eats cold. This trip, I made pizza pockets with a gluten free crust, that were a success even with my Normal family members. It was wonderful, and I felt like a real person again.

I even got to go into the Yaquina Head Museum!

We visited the light house at Yakina Head, as well, and took pictures of the sea lions, resting on the rocks.

Another safer thing I can do, away from home, is sledding in the winter. We always go cut a fresh tree and have a snow day. That's actually me, sledding down the logging road. O.K. so extreme adventure isn't on my itinerary, yet...

Ron, does the manly job of cutting and hauling, after the rest of us plough around and find the 'perfect' tree. We take along cookies and hot cocoa, and if I really beg, they'll sing Christmas carols with me.

The scenery is spectacular!

Well, that's about all I have time for today.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Chicken House Cleaning Party

Well, the party was a great success and as they say in all those family news letters you've ever seen, " A good time was had by all."  I figure if they can say it, so can I. After all, it's as much true here as it ever was there...

The work got done in short order and refreshments were served following shower and sauna procedures. I provided an excellent braised beef roast, broccoli smothered in a home made cheese sauce, with sweet potato chips, followed by cake, chocolate and ice-cream. Sorry you missed it.

Of course, the chickens were anti-social. That's to be expected. They are rather flighty...

We had a lovely time playing with horses before the work began. I'm still working on getting Mariah's hooves up. She did have one little temper tantrum, and I had to get sharp with her... She was instantly sorry and is starting to figure out just what I want. I'm happy to report that she coming along nicely. This morning I got all 4 hooves up and cleaned.

It is a unique experience trying to train a horse to give you her feet when you can't tolerate any resistance. If she pulls away, or resists at all, I can't restrain her. You see, when you have glutathione depletion, you have no muscle tone or strength. If I try to hold onto her feet, like any regular trainer would, I'll tear muscles. I have to let her take them away. Then keep touching and picking until she gives in. It takes a whole lot more patience. I use a lot of voice inflection. My ferrier hates it. He thinks she's spoiled, cause she "gets away with stuff." Short term yes, long term no. I'm relentless. It is beyond "whispering." More like singing.

I told you Dan was old and curly. I took a picture this morning to show you. Can you see the curls growing in?

So, the party was fun, we played all kinds of games like, Sweep Shit, Toss the Dead Mousie Out, and Flood the Floor.  I find that chicken manure is not toxic. No, I don't breathe the dust. I wear a particulate mask. (Come -on!)  I've missed being  around the hennies during spray season. It was nice to get out and get that barn in order.  I'm going to be sore for a few days, but it was worth it. Next time, I'm hoping for a bigger crowd.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Good News!

I'm getting my hunting poodle! Oh, boy! O' boy, O' boy! I don't know which one yet, but I'm very excited. I like to check the website and see the latest posts of pictures and videos.  Very cute! My trainer, Krystal, is giving me lots of homework. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. It's great exercise for the mind and another layer of the toxic injury onion to peel.  So much to know.

I found out some interesting tidbits while researching optimal dog food: Many dog foods that contain certain ingredients have been found to contain euthanizing chemicals. Here's a quote from an FDA report. "... rendered or hydrolyzed ingredients and the presence of pentobarbital in dog food. The ingredients Meat and Bone Meal (MBM), Beef and Bone Meal (BBM), Animal Fat (AF), and Animal Digest (AD) are rendered or hydrolyzed from animal sources that could include euthanized animals." I have in my files somewhere, an article, that raises similar concerns about "by-products." Specifically, it was highlighting the tendency for diseased and rotting animals, as well as feces, to be included in the mix. 

I've also found some very nice products for flea and tick control. They are much safer. No poisons. One, has some castor oil. While I know this is toxic, it's been used for decades as a liniment and is commonly accepted. I spoke to the company, and I'm waiting to see if they change the recipe...

It would be nice not to have to make everything from scratch.

I joined a pet health news letter from Dr. Mercola and Dr. Becker (vet). They are on the same page, as far as consumer product and environmental toxins. They are a great resource and have safer products.

I made hand lotion and lip balm. This I did mostly for fun! It wasn't that hard, and it is nice to have products that are entirely safe. My lip balm is so much nicer than commercial brands. It stays on for hours. My hand lotion worked out better than I expected. Looks like real hand lotion, and lasts a lot longer, as well. I found that the tiniest dab was all I needed. I used some of my own organic lavender, so it has just the lightest hint of safe fragrance. I think that most personal care products that use essential oils instead of "fragrance" make it way too smelly. I also put in immune system boosters and cancer fighting agents. Its lovely. 

I've been working my horses. O.k., so not yesterday ~ another sick day, but several times now. I so enjoy it. The weather has been crisp and cool.  You know how I like getting outside.

Does anyone besides me think that it was more than coincidence that when I was working Mariah this last time: Mrs. Evil drove by on her way to town - saw me and slowed way down to glare: Then 5-10 minutes later, Mr. Evil ran out of the house, got on a tractor with a hay mow on the front and drove over to his shed, next to the fence. He appeared to be bringing hay to put in the shed. Then when Ryan and I went in - he quit.  Even better, when we went to the Dr.s later that day, there wasn't any hay moved... LOL

I laugh because, he didn't manage to tox me with his diesel fumes from the tractor. In the past, he's done that. Drove over to the fence and left his tractor idling close to or up wind of where I was working. He'd get off and just leave it there. (and yes, he knew it would hurt me.) I'd had to quit. and go inside.  I didn't this time... I'm getting better! LOL!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The "Normal" Spouse

All of my interpersonal contacts are fraught with danger. I risk physical harm with every one. The more intimate the relationship the more potential for harm...

This condition steals personal interaction. Of all the relationships that are damaged, the one that TIs have with their spouses are the most heartbreaking. I married my husband because I wanted to be with him. My husband and I used to be "work-a-holics." We were doers. We did it together: Farming, ranching, surveying, hunting, fishing. Now I'm left behind.  Imprisoned in my solitary existence- my safe house. Every one of those activities that we did together involves toxins. Farm fuel, chemicals, a myriad of exposures. Not only did this disability take away the things I used to do, it's taking away my best friend.

Because life goes on, someone has to take up the slack. That falls to the "Normal" spouse. It is horrendously time consuming. The burden is almost unbearable. They are doubly burdened because not only do they have to do the toxic "chores" of the TI, but they have to avoid toxins and decontaminate constantly as they move from toxic environments to their spouses safe-house. This wears them down, until they have no energy left. Then, having been exposed to the toxins, many times the same ones that put their spouse over the edge into disability, their own bodies reach a point that they can no longer break down the the toxic substances. Their bodies now excrete toxic substances. They out-gas toxins. They themselves have become toxic to their spouse, driving an even bigger wedge between the couple. They are forced into a battle zone they can't see or detect, knowing that one wrong move can harm their partner. Harming their partner is inevitable. The guilt is terrible.

98% of marriages, where one partner has Toxic Injury, ends in divorce...

So many people disregard their wedding vows. Remember, "... for better, or for worse... in sickness and in health..." The onerousness of day to day living with a TI becomes too much and the "normal' spouse leaves. The criminal part, it seems to me, is that it could have been avoided. I believe much of the 'leaving' can be contributed to the lack of understanding that the 'support populations' have.

Before toxic injury I was an active member of a common denominational church. I participated in the uplifting support and ministry to other couples, where one of them contracted a well known disabling condition, like cancer. The whole church body surrounded the family. They did chores, ran errands, brought food, called, comforted, counseled, much of this was to relieve the burden on the healthy partner.

In families where the disability is a chemical injury, we don't see that. I didn't see it in my case, and I've never heard about it from the thousands of TI contacts that I have. The church abandons us. I felt used. They only had an interest in me, when I could contribute to others. Once I had a need, they disappeared like cockroaches in the light.

When I first became disabled, I had a couple of wonderful pastors. Those two men made a huge difference. They led their congregation in coming to worship with me, fragrance free. It was a tremendous blessing. I felt that I wasn't totally forgotten and abandoned by a small group of people (10) in my community. A community which once encompassed more than 20,000 people. But those two pastors, both, very shortly moved on. Then, the real character of that church surfaced. They stopped coming. The leadership began discriminatory action against us. Out of 250 members, two couples maintain contact. One of those couples moved for a job. My husband received no support or nurturing from that church or any other church in our area.

Ironically, he continues to donate 50% of his services to local churches and charitable groups. He's helped more than a dozen churches, locally. Not one of them came to help him in his time of need. Not one of them is concerned about the state of his soul. Do they all know? Oh, yeah. I participated in a number of ecumenical ministries in our area. I asked them to support him. Not one of those expressed their concern for either of us. Are they really churches, or just social clubs?

One of the tragedies that I see when the normal spouse eventually succumbs to toxic injury. They succumb because they don't believe the necessity of guarding themselves from toxins. Many times they have been exposed to the same toxins and didn't end up sick like the TI. This happened in my and my husband's case.  I now know why.

Pesticides, for the most part are xeno (chemical) estrogens. They kill what ever, by acting upon the endocrine system, overwhelming it with estrogen. Women are more vulnerable because their bodies run on estrogen. Men, have a greater degree of protection, due to the fact that their bodies run on testosterone. So, while we can be exposed to the same toxin, women are more vulnerable because we start at a disadvantage. Many other industrial chemicals are classed as endocrine system disrupters.  In fact these xenoestrogens are in the majority of consumer product and environmental toxins.

When men reach a sufficient amount of exposure, they too succumb to toxic injury. For men, it generally shows up as: heart attack, stroke, cancer (prostrate, liver, pancreatic, etc.) erectile dysfunction, mood disorders (rage, depression). The silent killers. Unfortunately, way too many never connect the dots.

Men like to think of themselves as "stalwart." They feel diminished, and they don't go in and have it checked. If they do, they go to a GP, who runs a standard blood test. By in large, standard tests, find chronic abnormalities, once they've occured. GPs and other typical specialists, use further toxic treatment to mask these symptoms. The underlying toxic poisoning is never addressed. The problem continues until it claims their life.

I beg every Normal reading this, take it seriously. Take the TI's word for what is harmful to them and do all that you can, to protect yourself from the same substances.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Maybe Tomorrow

It's not a good day.

I woke up in the middle of the night with spinal pain (the icepick) nausea, bloating and not being able to pee. I got up. did what I could. sauna, showers, meds, detox. It just keeps getting worse. Can't think. Can't write. Can't be, without pain. Agitation.

Maybe later I can write again. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Is that a rainbow? Chase it! Chase it....

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Connect the Dots

Many people live with conditions that detract from their lives and never connect the dots to Environmental Exposures. They suffer dermatitis/eczema, acid reflux or hyperactivity, just to name of few of the most common conditions.

When my children were little, I noticed that after breakfast they'd get wild. I could almost imagine them racing about the top of the room like "Tom and Jerry." They got cranky and squabbled. At the same time my daughter developed the round red rash.,, The family doctor identified the rash as "ring-worm." He prescribed an ointment with a pesticide. (icide is latin for -killer.) And like a good little sheep I  did what I was told. The ring-worm didn't go away. I took my child back in. He advised painting it with iodine. We did this for a month. I burned my child's arm every time I applied. She would scream and cry. It didn't matter what I said to that Dr. He insisted that I continue the treatment. I decided he had to be wrong. I tooke her to a dermatologist. He diagnosed it as eczema and insisted I put cortizone 10 on it. Corizone is a hormone. It is dangerous to mess with hormones. The disclosure sheet that came with the creme was horrifying. I broke away from the flock and began to study the various causes of red rash. I came across data on red food coloring that said it caused red rash. (red dye also causes hyperactivity and irritability.) Ron's mother was allergic to red food coloring! I read all the labels. Turns out the children's vitamins I was giving them were loaded with red food coloring... I switched to a "clean brand, without coloring, and no more rash, no more hyperactivity and squabbling. (since that time I've discovered that nearly all red food colorings get there red color from lead...)

As a substitute teacher, I had the opportunity to observe thousands of students. I worked 4 different school districts in two counties. (I like a challenge and I like variety) Substitutes always get lunch room/playground duty. I would see these kids in the morning, during lunch and in the afternoon. After lunch even the nicest kids could turn into monsters. I made a point of noticing what they were eating. There was a direct correlation in the amount of additives they consumed to the degree of loss of control.  This was not necessarily a discovery for me, but a confirmation.

Years ago, I had developed horrible, disabling headaches. I had seen a "60 Minutes" special on MSG, with Dr. George Schwartz. When I cut out the MSG, my headaches went away. Dr. Schwartz also spoke about hyperactivity, out of control kids and MSG. Even though we had cut out all the MSG from our diets, the red food coloring still caused similar problems. Those are the roots of the 26 years of study that I have put into "cause and effect of environment on health."

There is a growing epidemic of acid reflux in our country (it's in all the other 'developed' countries, too). It is ironic that traditional medicine doesn't actually look into the root cause but attempts to mask the problem with another chemical substance. Instead of simply eliminating toxic substances from our diet/environment, things we were never designed to eat or use, they prescribe us known toxic substances to treat the condition. I queried several doctors and pharmacists. They all say, "All pharmaceuticals are toxic. All pharmaceuticals have side effects." There are NO non-toxic pharmaceuticals! When you take prescription drugs you are exchanging one set of symptoms for another, and most times the second set is far worse, long term.

Take a look at the disclosure statement that comes with your prescriptions. Many people are not aware that there is another more graphic disclosure statement, intended for the physician, that the pharmacist takes off. My pharmacist didn't. I read them. I suggest you ask your pharmacist for those statements as well. Take the attitude that you will get those symptoms. Don't just assume that it will be someone else. That is our human tendency.

Think about it folks, how many lawsuit commercials are out there asking people if they've been hurt or injured by taking this and such drug? Really look at the symptoms that are cited. They are serious stuff!

I've mentioned the movement to reform the Toxic Substance Control Act in a previous blog. Do a web search for "The Health Case for Reforming the Toxic Substance Control Act." It is the report, put before the legislature, that was compiled by a group called "Safer chemicals, Safer Families." It compiles research by some of the best professionals in our country.  It links specific chronic health conditions like, all heart attacks, strokes, all cancers, all neuro-degenerative diseases (Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, Autism....), birth defects and reproductive disorders to consumer product and environmental toxins. It goes on to theorize that the same is true for all chronic illnesses.  I've personally read research by the worlds most credible scientists that verifies the same for pretty much all disease conditions. Even viruses get a "leg up" from the damage that consumer product and environmental toxins do to our bodies.

Start thinking about your personal environment and diet in a way that protects you from unnecessary chemical exposures. There are safer products and safer practices out there. Take advantage of them. Yes, they are a little more expensive and a little physically harder, but those things are an investment in your health. We could all use a little more "exercise." We could all use better health.

Yesterday I focused on 'not fragrance' toxins in consumer products. I mentioned that "fragrances are trade secrets and can't be monitored by any government agency." Its a loop hole that has been exploited to the detriment of people world wide. Independent research says that, on average a fragrance (whether cheap or expensive) contains 600-700 ingredients.  Approximately, 200 of which are known toxins. All fragrances contain pesticide, or you'd be swarmed by bugs. Mostly, the biting, stinging kind ~ bees, wasps, ants.... Merchants are driven by profit. They are interested in producing things cheaper, faster, boosting sales and increasing their profit margin. They are not interested in your best interest. Just because they sell it and promote it as good for you, doesn't mean it is. You need to take control of your life and start thinking again. Know what you're putting in and on your body.

Toxins are accumulative. They collect in your tissue. Then they combine in your tissue, producing even more deadly effects. It's called synergy. When they examine a particular chemical for safety, they don't take account of synergistic effects. They study them and test them one chemical at a time, in optimally healthy bodies. To date there has been almost no testing for synergistic effects. I've only found record of one. It was concerning food additives.

In 1978 a small scale experiment, on synergistic effects of food additives, was performed on rats. All the additives were taken from the GRAS list. When they fed the food additives to the rats, one at a time, all rats were fine. When they fed them to the rats in two additive combinations, all the rats got sick. When they fed them to them 3 at a time, all the rats died in 14 days.

This is horrifying considering that most people sit down to a meal containing, on average, 12 -16  food additives, 3 times a day.

Bare in mind the rats used in these studies are brought to a state of excellent health before any testing can begin. Rats with health issues are excluded from the trials. They are fed an optimal diet. There are few people living who have a state of excellent health or access to an optimal diet. We all have health issues due to the fact that we live in chemically inundated environments. We are being poisoned, everyday.

Many people, just haven't connected the dots, yet...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Hair Cut

My husband got his haircut a couple of days ago. Normals would immediately think, "Yawn...." Not so in TI world. It just so happened that I was upstairs when he got home. I heard the door and the dogs. I scuttled down the stairs to greet him. Before I reached the bottom of the steps I was engulfed in cloying fragrance that would drop an elephant. He was already in the laundry sink, washing his hair. I rounded the corner and popped on the exhaust fan. "You get a hair cut?" I enquired. I was met with an apologetic look, cast out under his armpit, as  he was busily lathering and rinsing. He'd already contained the contaminated clothing. I turned on every other exhaust fan in the house.                                                                                                                                  
            "My regular guy was out. The other Jim, who does shaves, cut it this time. I told him it had to be fragrance free, so he didn't use anything on my hair but water." Ron, groaned out. He could smell it himself.
             "Did he wash his hands before doing you?" I asked, eyes streaming from the vapors, even where I was standing by the air purifier 20 ft away.
              "He rinsed his hands in water." my husband said, simply. I lit candles to burn off the fumes and Ron headed for the bathroom to wash his hair in the shower, several more times. (Further discussion revealed that Ron believed it was the aftershave that lingered on the barber's hands.) I could feel my lymphs swelling and burning. I headed for the shower and sauna. It was only an hour or two and boils began to break out. As I devolved, Ron headed for the shower again. I was still tracking fumes off him.  By bed time, I went through the shower again. Even after 4-5 shampoos Ron's hair still reeked enough to burn me. He had to sleep in another bed, in a different part of the house.

People just don't realize how pervasive, their fragrance really is. 

I got a pretty good nights sleep. The headache that I went to bed with was mild by comparison to some I'd had. I woke up with the same headache. Not too bad, considering. Ron washed his hair thoroughly again that morning. I checked it. Still reeked.

By this time the lymphs in my jaw, neck and throat  were so swollen most of my teeth hurt and I couldn't chew. My pituitary gland began to hurt and it escalated through out the day. Now I know your thinking, Ron's not there. So how can she be getting worse? Remember symptoms peak within 20-48 hrs. Not only that, the VOCs that came in on Ron, didn't all stay on him. So the surfaces in the house are now contaminated with VOCs as well. That means lots of airing out and cleaning of surfaces, for me, in addition to revolving detox procedures. shower sauna clean clothes, shower sauna clean clothes... and all those meds.

He washed it again,  when he got home and again before bed that night. Still reeked. He slept in the other bed again.  He kissed me goodbye this morning when he left for fishing. The level is down to the point where I can't smell it unless I stick my nose in his hair. Unfortunately that still out-gasses. From trial and error, we know that even that level will cause me to wake up with cranium cracking toxic encephalopathy in the middle of the night.

People don't realize how toxic there fragranced products are.

It is incredibly horrifiying for me to read lists of ingrediants on personal care products. While fragrances are 'trade secredts' so they don't have to list what's in them. There are sufficient number of other toxic products on the label to do considerable, covert  damage to the user and drop a TI like a hot stone. For instance, here are the ingrediants from a well known lotion for "sensitive skin." I've colored every petroleum product/by-product red... These are all on the Generally Recognized As Safe list, GRAS, that is put out by the FDA, a munufacturer's interest based government agency.

water, butylene glycol, mineral oil, petrolatum, glycerin, cetyl alcohol, propylene glycol dicaprylate/dicaparate, PEG -40 Sterate, C11-13 isoparaffin, glyceryl sterarate, Tri PPG -3 Myristyl Ether citrate, cetearyl alcohol, dimethicone, methylparaben polysorbate 60, DMD hydantoin, carbomer, ethylparaben, propylparaben, disodium EDTA, sodium hydroxide, xanthan gum, butylparaben, titanium dioxide.

I did a quick search and found out that:

Butylene Glycol: Used in cosmetics to resist humidity, to retain scents and as a preservative.  Has a similar toxicity as ethylene glycol, which when ingested may cause depression, vomiting, drowsiness, coma, respiratory failure, convulsions, renal damage, kidney failure and death. It is a petroleum product that is a biofermentation of a particular red algea. Think toxic red tide that they don't allow shellfish  harvest during...

Mineral oil and petrolatum are just ultra refined and processed crude oil. These are known carcinogens!

Cetyl alcohol was originally derived from whale oil, now it comes from petroleum or palm oil. Palm oil derivitive is listed as palmityl Alcohol.

Propylene glycol, while rated as safe for humans is a known carcinogen. There is a Environmental continueing Ed course put out by the CDC for medical personnel that relays the hazards of this and its more toxic cousin Ethylene glycol. They are recognized to cause toxic injury. In addition it is a Polycyclic Aromatic Hydrocarbon. These chemicals are very similar in process and symptomology to Butylene glycol. See above for side effects...

PEG-40 is poly-ethylene glycol derived with castor bean oil. Castor beans are the source of ricin. A neuro toxic chemical weapon.

isoparaffin is a petroleum based hydrocarbon like Cyclopentasiloxane, known carcinogens.

PPG-3 Myristyl Ether is a polypropylene glycol ether of myristyl alcohol. Citrate is a MSG containing substance. Myristyl is added to promote skin permeability.

Cetearyl Alcohol is the same as Cetyl alcohol.

Dimethicone is silicone and is a known carcinogen.

parabens, wether methyl, ethyl, butyl or propyl are known to be the leading cause of non-hereditary breast cancer. They migrate through your body and congregate in breast tissue.,They are known to be allergins, neuro-toxins, and endocrine system disruptors. It is the ester of methyl alcohol and p-hydroxybenzoic acid; 
Benzoic acid is produced commercially by partial oxidation of toluene ( a petroleum product) with oxygen.  

Polysorbate is a petroleum sugar...

DMDM hydantoin is an antimicrobial formaldehyde releaser preservative! It's also made of pee. LOL. They used to label it urea, I guess they got too many negative comments, so now the name has been sanitized.

carbomer, this is a "poly acrylic that contains benzene

Titanium Dioxide, is known to be the second leading cause of autism spectrum disorder.

And this company had the balls to label this product as "For sensitive skin..."

July '10 a bill before the legislature to revise the Toxic Substance Control Act, was defeated. They are already working on resubmitting. Contact your legislatures to support the revision of the Toxic Substance Control Act! It hasn't been revised for something like 60 years...

Friday, November 5, 2010

A Day Outside

Yesterday was an unusual day. I got to go outside and play. The weather was gorgeous. Nice and cool. Upper 50's, I think. So I slipped out and gathered up the horses. I need to work Mariah. She needs her feet trimmed and is unruly after a summer without personal attention. Dan and Lottie are well broke in, and are fairly cavalier, even when pulled in right from the field after a long sabbatical.  You see I was training Mariah when I first went down. She hasn't had the handling she needs. Now, on good days, I try to go out and do it.

They came running. Catching was easy. I just opened the gate. Lottie and Mariah, came rip-tearing down the pasture and charged in. Dan, who's somewhere around 20, ambled in. He's the old man.  I closed the second gate on the girls because the llama's wanted to join in on the fun and mess everything up. When Dan got there I closed the first gate behind him. The girls did not want to be caught up once they realized food was not involved. We did a few laps around the pen until Mariah joined up first. 

This sounds fairly routine for horse trainers, for TIs there's always an additional 'backstory' going on. Let's replay what we have so far and review the back story...

Open door, carefully test air quality. Scan upwind properties for farm implements, especially spreaders. Step out and scan propeties left and right. To my right is my evil neighbor. The one who is abusive and likes to hurt vulnerable people, like me -disabled, his wife and kids.  I don't see any rigs from this vantage point. I go ahead.

Seem paranoid? It's not if someone is actively hurting you. So the whole time I'm going out to gather up the horses, I'm checking and processing what else is going on all around me. Especially the mean neighbor and his family. They've all participated, (except maybe the daughter). In fact, I have to keep up surveillance the whole time. I've had times when I've been out, and suddenly Mr. "Evil" will run out and grab his sprayer or scream obscenities and threats at me. Mrs. Evil has done the same kind of screaming. She doesn't usually wave her arms around and march back and forth or charge the fence like Mr. Evil, but you get the picture. I ignore the screaming, and threats. It's when he discharges toxins that I have to take evasive action.

So resuming the fun part; I didn't see anybody outside while I was out playing. What a blessing. I got to smell horse. I truly believe there is a theraputic component to the smell of horse. It always makes me feel better. It can't be synthesized, by the way. And it only works if the horse is living. So it can't become a commodity. No, you can't use the methane gas from horses, either. I can just see some of your entrepreneurial minds cranking over, "Healthy
Glow ~ Horse Fart in a Can." That's not what works. It's the smell off the neck, or a warm flank. It smells like life and health, and living.

Any way, I did some grooming and picked up Mariah's feet. One at a time. Just a hair or two. Just enough times so she would start to remember.  When she was a foal I could pick them up out in the field with no lead, and even while leaning over her back. She's been wild for a long time. Then I moved on to my two pros. It was very restful. Old Dan is so old he's become fuzzy and curly. He's a Kieger mustang. Here's a younger picture.

When I turned them out, that naughty Mariah, broke the hot wire connection. So I got to spend some more time outside. Fixing the fence. It was almost like the old days. I also paid a visit to the chicken house. Needs cleaning. I'd planned on starting that today after I worked the horses again, but I got an exposure last night and am down with a head ache. Not a bad one, but I have to work on detox, that takes up all the extra time. Maybe tomorrow....  Any volunteers for the chicken house cleaning party? LOL I'll serve treats,... not bar-b-qued chicken.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

On a Lighter Note

Well, yesterdays entry was depressing. Let's talk about something more fun.
Fiber. Not the eating kind. The other kind. I  blogged about injecting fun things
as part of the therapy. So today I'll share about that. Since when you first get
diagnosed, you are so sick that napping is your largest hobbie. All other
hobbies after that have to have low energy requirements. I began with
spinning. Spinning is some thing you can do with a simple drop spindle or a more complicated spinning wheel. My first drop spindle from college was still hanging around some where and I trotted it out. We used to raise sheep for lamb, and I happen to have a few fleeces hanging around. Now these are not "fiber fleeces."  Fleeces grown specifically for luxurious hand spinning. They were only 2.5 inches. Of course, we had been raising Suffolks. A meat breed. My husband agreed to get some more sheep. He wanted more suffolks.  I bought some Montedales. Bright white, fine, 4-6".  In the mean time, I chose a yearling fleece, less course, and began experimenting. We'll just skip over the cleaning, it was long and drawn out. I had to do it in short spurts, which required a lot of soaking. I also had to find a fragrance free degreaser. I did discover, lots of soaking is good.  My first yarn was bulky, but I was hooked. I eventually got a spinning wheel and fleeces from my new sheep. That's one above.

 I spun up this lovely 2 ply and we dyed it blue. Our favorite color! Then I spun this grey from a suffolks x mont lamb. (below) I also have llama's, I spun that. I ordered a sample box and spun all kinds of cool fibers, long wool, merino, bunny, camel, goat, bamboo, silk, synthetics, kapok, flax.

I joined the guild and began practicing so I can take the certificate of mastery. It's been a lot of fun and is very relaxing. The sheering of the sheep is hard work, but it occurs in the spring. Before the spray season begins, so I can do them one or two at a time. I'm currently working out how to spin straw into gold...

You're probably wondering what I am doing with all this fiber? I knit, I crochet.  I'm also   learning to weave, so I need to spin enough to make a warp and a weft! That will be cool.
Here's some pictures....                                                                                          Here on the right, you'll see a
pair of "$300.00 hunting socks."
I made them as a Christmas 
present for my father in law, by request. 
- - - - Just don't dry them in the dryer!                                                                                                   
This photo is of my first handspun, hand knit vest (suffolks) and my all time favorite montedale sweater.  You can see I love cables. The extra challenge helps my brain to heal.     

Yes, I did the afgan as well. It was long ago, before hand spinning.  

Another thing I like to knit are hats, because they are small projects, quickly finished and intricate enough to be challenging. The deer stalker hat on the left is made from handspun/ dyed mont. and lined with my handspun llama. The pill box on the right is commercial silk, mohair.   I get a lot of requests for hats. I must admit I really love the wild ones.                                                                                                                                                                  
I made this kabuki hat for this young man. He loves crazy hats as much as I do. He wears it in public, too! LOL 
I've been forced, out of necessity to do some other interesting knitting projects, as well. I can't wear synthetics. Like elastic and spandex. They make my skin slough off and me reek. This is a problem.  
So I knitted up a few bras... Here's the prototype.  I used organic ready made for this project. I haven't spun cotton yet. I wanted cotton, not wool. eeeeh! itchy bra? No way!    This is a pattern I made up out of my head. I discovered that if you break things done into itsy bitsy pieces,  you can figure most stuff out.

Hope that was fun for you.