Sunday, April 10, 2011


I'm going through endocrine system disrupting exposures again. Last year, at this time, they were so bad that I developed a tumor, a cyst which ruptured internally - drained and bled, and I was bleeding heavily for more than a week, and for a total of 18 days at a wack, every month. I was so anemic I nearly died. The beginning of spray season, you know.

Well, it is back in full swing again and there have been more than 8 spray events near me in the last week alone. Besides the toxic encephalopathy, the systemic porphyrian collapse, and the anemia due to chronic hemorrhaging, I'm fiiiiiinnnnne.

This is the frustrating part, just when I begin to recover, I get dumped back into the bottom of the pit. Oooh! This is where I lose my temper! I hate wasting my days, not being able to do anything but be miserable! I hate not being able to care for myself. I hate not being able to help. I hate the horrible pain, and I hate the terror about not knowing wether I can survive another round.

One of the things that is going on during the brain swelling (that is literally tearing apart the calcified tissue that connects the plates of my skull, and that is squishing my brain cells until they pop and are destroyed,) as well as the swelling of the internal organs that crushes both my lungs, suffocating me, and constricts my heart, is systemic apoptosys. When your body doesn't have enough glutathione, the cells literally explode inside you. The more stringent the depletion, the greater the number that explode. It's something I can feel.

I have passed out, before. From lack of oxygen, and from anemia. It doesn't feel the same. This feels like a wave of death washing over you, as though you were the beach, and just as the receding tide draws off grains of sand, so the receding wave of death is drawing away my life. The bigger the hit, the stronger the rip tide. I feel my life ebb away. It is terrifying, because I can not stop it.

The IV Glutathione stops it, but it's only been available on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and only 55 miles away. I've had way too many close calls... So, we are trying a new thing. I have a percription for IV glutathione, to inject myself. The first shipment arrives Monday. I'm hoping I can learn to inject myself, as a defense against hits. I'm praying I have the sand to do it. I told my doctor that "if addicts can do it, it can't be too hard." I believe my "need" is as great as theirs...

As for the bleeding... Last year I ate 5 cups of broccoli per day, for months(I started at 2-3, but quickly found I had to increase it). It corrected all of those conditions, until now. I'm back on broccoli. I just about get the bleeding stopped, and then, another spray call comes. I take another hit. I bleed again.

Being sick takes up too much of my time!


  1. Toxed2loss, I just want to tell you that I read your latest 2 posts, and I hear you. I know you're not looking for sympathy or admiration, but my heart goes out to you, and I admire your fighting spirit and desire to help others avoid what you're going through, in spite of everything. God bless you!

    When I read about the spraying you mentioned, I began to wonder who it is that's doing the spraying, and for what, and how close to you are they spraying? Is there no way to avoid having chemicals sprayed so near you?

  2. Thank you, Pat. I live in the country, in an agricultural area. While most people's first thought is, "get out of there!" the facts are that, there is a whole lot less exposures to pesticides, in the country, a whole lot farther away than in town. In town every body is 10-20 feet away, they apply more liberally and they use more chemicals that are known to volatize for miles... Surprising, huh?

    The guys who are spraying, are trying to make a living, the only way they know how. They need educating. Which takes time, patience and understanding.

    Just because it harms me, doesn't give me any rights to interfere with their operation. The OR Dept. of Ag, has told me so. They told me, "A few have to die for the good of the many." and they have stated it in more than one way. I have been told I have no rights and I have fought this in court. The judge said I was not disabled and not entitled to protection. Nor would the ADA take my case. They reviewed my case and told me they don't interfere with judges. Which is a lie. They remand judges for discriminating all the time, if you have a more recognized disability. So I work to raise awareness.

    9 out of 10 neighbors try to work with me. While it's a delicate balance, I can't iask them to not spray, or not spray certain products. I can gently educate, but I must be careful not to demand, or attack, or complain. I cry out here. And I work to get the laws that exist to apply to my class of disabled.

    There used to be almost no spraying here in my neighborhood, but things change. The properties change hands, the owners get older and have their own health issues, so they rent out their land. If I moved, there would be no guarantees the same thing wouldn't happen again. And, I would have less rights. There are no safer locations, I and about 10 thousand other people I know are actively looking. I have learned, I'm not in control, it is in God's hands.

    He has sustained me this far, there must be work that He yet wants me to do. :-)

  3. Hello there, my new friend. I will read more. I will understand more. What an incredible life you are living. Thank you for the gifts of understanding and knowledge that you are giving to all of us.