Thursday, November 24, 2011


It's time to forget about the pie I spent all of yesterday putting together (limited energy) and then spilled half of it (myoclonic jerk) on to the bottom of the oven, the oven door and the floor; to stop worrying about the logistics of turkey and stuffings and 'sides' and focus on what I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my family: for Ron, my husband who supports me and provides for me despite the fact that I am no longer, even remotely like the girl he married. That he's taken on all the incumbent (extremely inconvenient and sometimes incomprehensible) difficulties and barriers that accompany this disability, and hasn't bailed... A real treasure in this day and age. Who's been there beside me countless times as I've fought through heart attacks, strokes, seizures and fits and respected my wishes not to call 911 or take me to the hospital, despite his fear that I was dying(as their toxins would kill me). That takes a lot of selfless courage; for my daughter and son-in-law who came to live with us, so we can spend some time together and make some memories before I die, and to relieve a part of the burden on my husband; for my son who knows and understands every bit of my condition, from heart to science and who supports me, no matter what; and for his intended, who brings him joy; For my sister Lib, and my Fearless Leader/'mom', Peggy, who are ALWAYS there for me and let me vent, rant or cry as often as I need to. Who always agree with me, no matter how naughty I'm being }:-0 but after the storm, talk some sense into me; for close internet friends I've made, like Victoria and Shawna, as well as all my other internet friends and acquaintances who make up my social life, and voices out of the dark who needed my help and gave me a reason to keep on living. 

I'm grateful for a day , or a moment where the pain ebbs, or for fresh air so I can spend a few minutes outside, in the sun, with out getting hurt. For the smell of sheep and horses, for the kiss of llamas... For the simple joy of walking on grass and smelling the earth.

I'm thankful for the most amazing dog I've ever known. Rosie, my service dog. Who helps me in so many incredible ways, besides the unending love and constant companionship... And Jessie, my son's dog for giving me the idea.

And most of all, for God, who has never left me or forsaken me through all of my life, and who is my light and my hope.

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