Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Another Rosie Adventure

Hey guys, I posted all these pics on Facebook, but wanted to put them here as well, for those that don't FB. :-)

We went out to the national forest to harvest our Christmas tree this last weekend. It's one of my favorite field trips, because we usually get to play in the snow. I've been wanting to go since Thanksgiving weekend, and this was the first weekend that the weather cooperated with my husbands schedule. So here's how it went down...

Ron was out in the shop turning down rod handles (making custom fishing rods for Christmas presents) until about 2:00 p.m.. He finally came in to warm up. While sitting at the table drinking cocoa he pulled out his cell and called our daughter. She was shopping. He asked her if she & her husband wanted to go with us. They weren't having a tree this year, as they were moving. They were supposed to move this weekend but the house wasn't ready yet. The two of them discussed when it would best fit into their schedule, then she rang off to see what her husband thought about it. They rounded themselves up and arrived at our house at 3:00, or so. Well, they were quite fragrant from being out shopping but figured they'd take their own car, so no big deal. However, Ron wanted everyone to go in the same car, as its more fun, so there was a scramble to find clothing appropriate for tromping about in the snow. Alex (my daughter) is 7 months pregnant. I bought her a very comfortable dress, that would expand with her, to change into when she came over, but that's hardly conducive to outdoor winter activities. She was a very good sport about the wild outfit we came up with. GFETE though pics were off limits.

By 4:00 we all piled into the minivan (all wheel drive) and set off. The roads were clear and traffic was light so there wan't too much of an issue with keeping the windows defrosted. Because the road fumes from other vehicles come in with the outside air, you have to switch to the cabin recirc mode when there are other vehicles nearby, especially diesels. :-( We had a pretty good trip up, with some light chatting and catching up on the kids lives. I didn't even try to get them to sing Christmas carols. They won't. :-(

As we climbed into the mountains we passed through a fog bank and into the snow. By the time we got there it was full dark. This is a first, tree harvesting in the dark. It was very beautiful. The diffused moonlight glooming over the snow laden valley. The dark silhouettes of coniferous trees. The peace of wilderness with only the faint echoes of the highway, some distance away. :-) It was a good thing there was snow to refract the moonlight. The batteries on my car flashlight were completely dead.

We all piled out, and Rosie was thrilled! She actually dislikes riding in the car. But she loves seeing new places. She greeted the snowy landscape with enthusiasm. I gave her the release command and she took off running in big loping arcs. Out through the clearing she sprang, diving through drifts like a seal through the waves. The two legged members of our party lumbering far less gracefully, zigzagging from tree to tree. "What about this one?" I call, plowing t'word a 4' specimen, deeply flocked with snow. Ron waded over to give it a shake, humoring me. He and Alex like 9-12 footers (they don't have to decorate them). Predictably they both veto my choice. Rosie bounds over to stick her head in the tree to see what was so interesting, then dives away. Alex is pointing out humongous trees from the the snowed over track. Rosie & I are leaping (her) and tromping (me) through the meadow. I just find what could be the perfect tree, about 5', when I hear Ron and Alex behind me and to the west exclaim,

"This is it! This is the tree we're getting." So Rosie & I head back to the group. They've picked out a 7 footer.

"Fine" I say, counting my blessings its not 12'; which, trust me, they've done to me before, and tied to my van. @@ (rolling my eyes)

Justin gets the honors and cuts down the tree, and Ron hauls it back. the two of them bind it to the roof of the car with bailing twine. Yeah, we're farmers. I spend the time snapping pics of Rosie, whenever she happens to be playing in the snow within flash range. :-) So here's some photos for you. O' when Ron brought it in the next evening we discovered the trunk had a huge wowee, like a C! That will teach us! LOL

Friday, December 7, 2012

I've Been Working On Stuff!

It's been a while, and I apologize. I should have gotten back to you sooner. It has been very busy here, with my husbands birthday and then Thanksgiving. I've posted a few photos and events on FB, but haven't made the time to write a blog post. My fault. I'm sorry. :-}

I have been working on projects, both for the babies that both my kids & their spouses are expecting, and remodeling projects that I was forced to lay down all those years ago. I'm feeling so much better these days that I'm able to do more. Way more! And I'm taking advantage of it. GFETE

The first project I tackled was refinishing the kitchen floor before Thanksgiving. I posted pics on FB. :-) One project that has been driving me nuts for years was trimming the doors & windows in the library, the door to the bathroom my husband remodeled, the facing bedroom door, the entry closet & window and two outside access doors that he replaced. He never seemed to get around to the trim (I'd put duct tape over the transition, so no VOCs would transgress. It comes in all kinds of colors. GFETE), because he had so many other things to do. So, I decided I would give it a go. I priced out fluted oak trim on line, from a couple of different sources and put together a budget. I then discussed it with my husband. He decided he'd check with some of his local suppliers, in case they could do better, or at least come close (we like to support local small businesses, if we can.). They didn't even get back to us. So after waiting on them for 2 weeks I placed my order.

When my wood arrived, I started out slowly. I used non-toxic craft paint to stain it, and non-toxic clear gloss art sealer. ;-) It works! Ron set up the miter chop saw for me in a covered non-toxic part of the shop addition. oh boy! power tools!! LOL, I love power tools, and having access to the saw was lots of fun, and made the project go tons faster than mitering with a hand saw & box. I didn't get to use the portable air compressor and nailing gun, :-( as it had two switches that blew out. But thats o.k. I still hammer like a pro and manually driving and sinking finishing nails is easy. (Edit: I have to fess up! Immediately following making that statement I couldn't drive a nail worth beans, for about as week and a half! LOL That'll teach me for getting cocky!) I've done 6 doors so far. I had to order more rosettes. I hadn't decided on how I was going to do the window trim corners when I placed my first order.

In the mean time I'm still cleaning wool for the mattress for my RV. I finally found the perfect third color for my RV valance & curtains. I have all that material washed and pressed, and ready to go. I need to remember to have Ron bring in the staple gun from the shop.

When I get the wood trim finished, I'm moving on to tile baseboards! I'm even thinking about throwing a Christmas party this year... Hmmmmm :-) Anyway, I hope all of you are having as much fun living, and doing and accomplishing little things, as I am. God Bless! Have a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukah!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

After The Big Event

It's Sunday morning, and my son, his wife and child have gone. They'll spend the day with his aunt & uncle, and then fly home this evening. My daughter & her husband went with them. It's quiet. Thirty minutes after they pulled out, Ron took off to do some surveying. I'm doing laundry, dishes and bringing out the things I put away, out of reach of busy fingers. It was a lovely week and a half.

I spent the entire summer working to make this happen. And it did. I've spent countless hours worrying over contingency plans, and how to get over barriers. They paid off. I'm sitting here filled with a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction... And a little awe. It worked. I've rarely had this much success in the last 8 years.

Oh, I'm not taking all the credit, by any means. There was a whole truck load of co-operation and help, to make it all happen, by everyone involved. That's the awe part. :-)

It just feels so good to have this much of a "normal" life back.

There were some sticky wickets. But we got through them. Last weekend there was a little fragrance contamination at the party, but I just went out to my RV and showered. Then put on clean clothes. (O.k., the water was ice cold, still working on that.) Then there were the fragranced people at the marina, so I didn't get to see the sea lions perform. I still got to be there for most of it. I came out of that weekend, not TOMA, and not exhausted!!!

There was some fragrance transfer from the kids luggage & clothes, but we washed them up and left their baggage in the barn. That took care of that. I got to spend 3 days playing with my granddaughter. Granted, it was physically a little more than I was ready for. She's a very busy little lady. She's very much full of a healthy curiosity and lots of energy. ( I'm worrying a little; the public school system will want to drug her down, to a more manageable stupored state, with riddilin, or whatever the new drug of choice is when she's old enough. They'll want to label her ADD. She's not. She's just healthy, and extremely bright. The schools aren't geared to handle that. But that's in the future.)

Yesterday we had a game day and a "fish-a-palooza" where we cook up all kinds of fish dishes, with the fish Ron's caught. One of the dishes that Ron makes is cedar planked salmon. Normally he makes it in the B-B-Q but, the wind was blowing at 20 mph. He made it in the house. The cedrene & smoke was bad. We just opened all the windows.

It was a wonderful family event. I got to know my daughter-in-law a little better. We had a lot of fun. I feel a whole lot more normal. ;-)

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Boon Docking

Well, for those of you who don't keep up with me on FB, I've spent the entire summer remodeling my RV. My husband helped me install the carpet and bamboo floor. We finished that mid week, last week, and I reinstalled the seating, etc. and had her loaded up and ready to go when he got home from work Friday night...

On the ride up into the Blue Mountain Wilderness, sometime around 11:30 at night, it hit me. I'd done it. I'd conceived of a wild, improbable (for someone in my condition) idea, researched it, tweaked it, formulated a plan and taken all the necessary steps to bring it to fruition.

I sat there clutching the seat with one hand and hanging onto the door handle with the other as my husband careened around hair pin corners on rutted, narrow, tracks in the bright moonlit night. The low grind of the motor was broken only by my gasping softly as he deftly avoided menacing boulders and overhanging branches, making my 30 foot Georgie Boy dance like a gypsy around a campfire. My husband used to fight forest fires, and drove those huge forest service fire rigs over roads like this, at break neck speeds. But hey! This is my baby! I'm much more invested in her well being!

O.K. the hair raising ride wasn't part of my plan but, the fact that I was finally free of my prison, after 8 long years, and riding in a vehicle that was safe enough that I could 'not be toxing my ass off,' the whole time, is spectacular. The fact that I could safely pee, eat and lay down to sleep, with out getting exposed... Well, it's a miracle!

While going hunting wouldn't have been my first choice for our first trip, its an excellent opportunity for some supported trouble shooting. Where better to find advice and know how about propane systems, generators and RV appliances than from "experts." I'm making a list of things I want to fix or change. Boon docking, or dry camping, certainly motivates me to figure out the intricacies of RV electrical systems. Sigh. More to learn.

Currently the girls (Rosie & Sonia) and I are nestled comfortably in our galley. The guys went out hunting before dawn. Oh, we got up with them, but there's not a lot to see at that time of the morning. We went out a little later when the sun came up and took some pictures. Unfortunately they lose a lot of the colors in translation. The aroma of pure air, juniper and sage is intoxicating! Not sure if all my more civilized friends can see the beauty of our dry landscape, but to me... Glorious!!!

There is no Internet or cell here. I'm definitely off the grid. No spray panes or tractors either! The peacefulness is blissful!

Added later:
Unfortunately our camp sight turned out to be the Blue Mountain equivalent to Times Square, with so much traffic we couldn't open a window or take the dogs out to potty so we broke camp and found a quieter, and shadier sight.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A breath of Air

There seems to be a lull in the spray schedule. I was actually able to get outside yesterday evening. The air was fresh, and I could breathe. Sigh of pure pleasure! I was able to eat something last night and keep most of it down. I slept without vomitting and aspirating it into my lungs. It feels indescribably good. There is nothing that feels as good as feeling better!

I'm guessing it's because melon harvest is in full swing. There are workers and trucks in the field most days. They'll most likely have to spray for insects again, but for now, gloriously, there's relief. 

I even went out this morning and fed the bull and steer. Poor guys. Land locked pirate cattle with patches over their eyes. The sheep looked good. :-) They are much happier, freed from their wool.  My gardens are over grown and festooned in weeds. The roses need pruning. That always makes me sad. I get out and clean them up in the fall, but I can't get out to tend them in the spring and summer when they need it. :-(

I actually signed a petition this year asking Oregon's Governor to outlaw pesticide. Not that I think it will happen, but it might start them thinking they should meet us more in the middle. Especially if the petition garners more support. Eventually, enough people will be toxically injured, they're going to have to. Most pesticides are being banned in Europe. The US is backward, and it's going to hurt our ability to compete globally. All the toxins are lowering our cognitive abilities and it's reflected in our children's test scores... Except in the tests that lower the bar to make their schools look better in the ratings. Like Washington State. I saw on the news for the last 2 years they've lowered the requirements on the WASL. SMH when are people going to wake up and connect the dots?

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Still Down

Sick as a dog here and still TOMA.

I did manage to get the bed platform OSB sealed but the spraying became so heavy I've been down with severe porphyria ever since. I was forced to eat at least one bowl of gooey chocolate cake every day, and my blood still draws up purple or violet in the IV. Some days I'm so shaky and weak I can barely stand. I'm so fed up I could scream! Except that takes energy. I long to do something but I'm forced to remain affixed to this chair and it's driving me nuts! It's so wrong! They are robbing me of my life and health. They've stolen day after day and I'm helpless to protect myself. I'm trying to do hand projects, so I at least have some positive thing to focus on, but some days I'm too weak to lift the needles. I'm very, very sad, and very righteously angry.

They've sprayed so much our whole herd of cattle got sick. Ron treated them. He's still got the bull and a steer penned up. One of the known adverse effects from 2,4D is conjunctivitis - pinkeye. Over night the bull and the steer developed pinkeye blisters, and were blind in the effected eye. So Ron's been keeping them in and giving them antibiotic shots in the eyeball membranes every couple of days. Our bull weighs about 3000 lbs. He's not happy having a needle stuck in his eyeball. Ron has to do this, mostly alone, since I can't get out and I'm too weak & sick. Plus, Ron believes the local, vet sponsored opinion that pink eye is carried by flies, which drink from the cows tears and infect the eyeball with bacteria... Hence the antibiotic treatment. I don't, but they're his cattle. So, he treated them with insecticide to keep the flies off they're faces. He also wormed them with Ivamec. So much for "no more chems."

The sheep are mine. They don't get toxins. They're doing fine, even though they were unshorn through the heat & that spray event that made the cattle sick. Less toxic stress from standard vet treatments = a healthier immune system over all.

I know my husband is just trying to do the best job he can for his livestock, just like the other ranchers, but it is hard to watch them continuing down such a destructive path. Anyway, both the steer and bull have been penned up for a couple of weeks now with patches over their eyes. Ron reports that the blisters are healing and some sight is returning. Poor things. Damn melons and GM corn.

I'm also going through another hemorrhaging event. Saturday was so bad I lost 3 lbs. I had to hire a shearer because I couldn't get out, and this was the first day he had free. I didn't get to help because the spraying has been constant. Ron & Justin helped the shearer. But the wool bags were exposed to deisel, and it transfered to them and came in on the guys. Plus they went to the grocery store and the store had 'cinnamon pinecones' out already! They are synthetic cinnamon scent - cinnamide. it's very toxic. Anyway, it became a very bad event, very suddenly. My daughter had finally read the research papers I sent her. She totally gets it now. She did everything she needed to without me telling her, and really helped me mitigate the damage. :-) And she's being much more careful in her own life. Never stop educating, the life you save could be your child's.

Only 109 people have signed our petition, so far. Thousands of people have seen it... Do all those who didn't sign truly believe that this won't happen to them? It is incomprehensible to me that people could not sign. Until I remember when I didn't believe it either... Oh, how I pray people will wake up and be smarter than I was!!! Please, please try harder to educate your loved ones! Don't let this happen to you or them. I know you can tell 'em and tel 'em, but they may not listen. My daughter was like that. But things happen and attitudes change. Don't quit trying! People are dying from consumer product and environmental toxins.

I hadn't shared much about this because it's made me sad but, my good friend Victoria Innes Brown died last month. She died of cancer, from diet sodas. She used to be a heavy diet soda drinker. She wrote "My Aspartame Experiment" a book chronicling her personal research with 200 rats, in her basement. Between the experiment group and control group there was only one difference. She added a packet of nutrasweet to the experiment group's water, in the amount comparable to the average diet soda drinker's intake. The results were staggering! You can get it from Writers Without Borders and Amazon. The pictures were horrifying. All her rats that got the aspartame had severe medical problems including cancers and neuralgias.

Victoria was a lovely person, full of love and laughter and whimsical humor. She didn't deserve to be callously murdered for the sake of corporate profits. I miss her terribly and there is a painful hole in my heart. She died still trying to convince her family members of the very real consumer product and environmental toxins that are inundating them everyday. I pray that people could please get their heads around this! Corporate America is merchandising us! They don't have our best interests at heart- only their profit margin. We need to wake up and take back control of our lives, our health and our country. Corporations are running our government. Please get involved, get informed and get active!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Slaving Away

Still working on tearing stuff out. The screws that held the wardrobe in were 2 inches long and a real booger to get out. I was averaging 3 a day before I pooped out. I was even using a power driver. They were in so tight that the driver stalled out. Yesterday my husband took out 6 and that only left me two more. :-) So I wrangled them out, then wrestled the cabinet out. After I recovered I called a contractor and made an appointment for him to come give me a bid on rebuilding the old cabinet into what I need to go in that space. I'll be stealing all but 4 inches from the bottom.

I checked, the carpet was just stapled down over OSB. That will make replacing it easy. I ordered sealer. As soon as it gets here, I'll start working on that. :-)

Of course all this physical labor plus the chems from the farming are giving my porphyria fits. I had a crash today. :-( I treated myself with IV glute and chocolate cake. Still not quite up to par.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Hamster Ball

Last Tuesday we bought my RV. Yeah, too late to attend the wedding, but still a valuable piece of Durable Medical Equipment for TIs.

For those of you just joining us, it's the ability to jump in and broom away when someone sprays. It also represents the freedom to go somewhere in relative safety. I don't have to limit my trips to bladder range (public toilettes are fragranced or toxic, in addition to possible encounters with Fragranced Members of the Public (FMPs). I also won't have to pre-cook all my food, or arrange huge environmental accommodations. I can take my safe zone with me. :-)

Of course, it's not quiet ready to go yet. The couple I got it from we're fragrance free, but the original owners weren't, and all kinds of stink is coming up as I deep clean. Remember, people only clean to the level of their ability to perceive.

Once I get a lot more of the fragrance abolished, I'll begin the remodel. Nothing is ever 'plug & play' for us. The first thing that has to go is the carpet. I want hardwood, but there are weight considerations. I may go with cork, instead. I will rip out the rear queen bed and replace it with a twin over the storage bay. I asked the couple I bought it from to keep the matteress. (Nasty synthetic thing.) :-p I looked at organic wool mattresses and decided on the futon type. They ran $1200 for a twin. I'll be sewing my own. Good thing I have all that wool! I'll be adding a washer/dryer - its not like I could access a laundromat. Solar panels, battery bank & inverter are must haves, as are water filters, air filters and replacing the gas oven with electric.

I don't know the first thing about rewiring for solar or the oven. Something else to learn how to do... TIs have to learn how to do everything for themselves. I've been studying all week just to know the little bit I now know.

And last but not least, reupholstering with all natural fibers. That will be a big job! Anyway, here a couple of pics for you...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Guest Post - by Myra

I live among you, yet you do not see me.
I have feelings as all do.
I love and dislike, I rejoice and sorrow.
I am intelligent and resourceful yet it is not recognized.
I am discriminated against and justice is denied me.
Out of ignorance and cruelty I am hated.
I am the same as you.
I love animals and care for them.
I have children and loved ones.
I help others and rejoice when they succeed.
I watch a sunrise and am in awe of the Creator.
I am valuable and irreplaceable.
I am Toxically Injured.

Dedicated to my TI friend

Thursday, June 14, 2012

This Weeks Project: Surviving

Many of you know I like to keep projects going as mental and physical therapy. So I was sitting here gazing forlornly at my current project (on hold) and feeling very unproductive. Being unproductive shatters my self-esteem.

Then it occurred to me to stop kicking myself because isn't surviving a worthwhile project in and of itself? The answer is, "Yes!" The product is that I'm still alive and cognizant.

It's been a heck of a week. I knew it was coming, what with 3 GMO corn fields, and Bellinger's chemically inundated melons being grown in close proximity, this season. But, it's never as bad in my mind as it is to endure the reality. Man don't I wish the waves of torture would quit coming!!!

I saw workers in Bellinger's melon field on Saturday, so I was prepared for chlorothalonil symptoms. I did my IV as a mitigating treatment, but I wasn't surprised when I woke with ruptured blisters in my esophagus and lymph pain.

I was not pleased when I was awakened at 6:00 Monday morning with 2,4-D symptoms. I figured Mr. Evil sprayed before work... Then I saw his son drive off, later. Oh my goodness! I was told the 2,4-D gives him asthma attacks, so he's making his son do it!!!!!!! That's horrible!!!

Then I got a text from Bellinger, telling me he'd be applying "the next day", but not what. He didn't bother to reply to my inquiry.

I got a call from PGG, that they'd be applying round-up to the GMO corn crops. And another call from a neighbor that he'd be spot treating weeds with round-up on several places all around me. So my husband decided to spray round up on some goatheads, on our place, as well. Sigh!

I battened down the hatches. It wasn't enough. I'm not sure how to describe it. It was like being tortured. You know those horror movies where the people are screaming and writhing in agony because the alien being is clawing its way out of their body? It's like that. Several of my major lymph ducts and tissue masses felt like they were going to rupture. Of course I swelled up like the blueberry gum girl. My liver distended. Both my kidneys and liver burned like searing hot acid was being poured over/through them. And nothing, including another IV, knocked it down to endurable. I was weighing the do-ability of calling my kids to say "goodbye & I love you."

I was, again, at that unenviable place of thinking I wasn't going to be able to survive this. It's brutal. It's violent. I hate that they can do this to me, I can't protect myself and it's not considered "a crime."

Ron was getting really scared. He asked me, in desperation, if there was anything that he could do. He'd already showered and scrubbed twice, but I told him to do it again. It helped. Obviously the chemicals are extremely hard to get off, and still volatized either out of, or off of, him. He looked up non-toxic herbi-safe recipes. He says he's not using chemicals any more.

Finally. I sure wish people didn't have to be "individually" convinced by seeing me be physically damaged. I can't take it anymore!!!

So Tuesday I can barely move. I didn't even get out of my jammies. That's rare for me. But I didn't even care! Part way through the morning I started spotting. Endocrine system disruptive chemicals make me bleed.

I wake up tired but not too bad, all things considered, Wednesday. Ron tells me he saw a chemical tanker at Bellinger's field Tuesday morning, on his way to work. Usually that means they put it into the chemigation system and it goes out at night, on a timer. And I'm thinking, "this ain't so bad..."After Ron goes to work Wednesday, my spotting turns into hemorraghing, shaking and severe muscle weakness and tremors. ???!!! There's blood everywhere, and I can't stop it. Holy crap, I'm in melt down. I just did a shot. I can't do another shot this close!! I start thinking I should call Ron home from work, 'cause I don't want to die alone. I can't do this anymore!! It's too hard! I'm too tired! I'm dizzy and disoriented and passing out with nightmarish dreams.

But I am stubborn to the core. And that core surfaces. It says, "No! You will not give up!" Don't ask me why I'm referring to it in the third person. Maybe it wasn't me talking to me... Nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner, nee-ner (Twilight Zone music~ It was a really spacey couple of days!) Anyway, I thought, endocrine system disruptors = estrogen imbalance = need to balance ? (query) what herbals and nutrients balance hormones. I couldn't think so I sent an email to a friend. No response. So I roused myself to run a web search.

I used broccoli before. I was sucking it up to go make some as I ran the search. To sum up here's the other things I found that we're important to balance the endocrine system: fat, D3, iodine/iodide, licorice root & milk thistle. It worked. Yep. I'm as surprised as you. It was a last ditch effort. I figured I was going out. But in 30 minutes the bleeding was dramatically reduced and the shaking and collapse stopped. Damn! That's powerful.

So, I'm continuing the teas and am about to eat more broccoli, w/ cheese sauce. I'm still bleeding and feel beaten, bludgeoned and left for dead, but improved enough to 'want' to work on a project. Things are looking up. ;-} heh, heh

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

National Council on Disability

Hi guys, Today I was asked to forward the following Letter of Testimony, that I wrote to another agent of the NCD. I hate these things, they are horribly traumatic for me to compose or review, but I get asked for them a lot. I'm putting this one here because they paint a very accurate picture of the reality which most TIs face. This is just a small part of what I've delt with in the last 8 years....

 "Dear Mr. XXXXX,

I am one of those people who suffers with chemical sensitivities due to toxic injury. I support the NEHS recommendations.

I was originally sprayed by an Ag pilot with the organophosphate, "Monitor," while surveying an alfalfa farm in Eastern Oregon. Several years later, before I'd completely recovered, a melon farming operation began renting property near or adjacent to mine. They use soil fumigants, classified as "1 Danger!" (the highest rating in the EPA) like Metam, & 1, 3 Dichloropropene, herbicides like 2,4-D, & Paraquat... and a fungicide (chlorothalonil) every week, with fertilizer, from the end of February to the end of October. Chlorothalonil kills all living cells, from fungus to mammals by up-taking glutathione. They did this for 5 years.

Because I was already chemically injured, & diagnosed with asthma & fibromyalgia, I requested the accommodation of being advised what chemicals were going to be put down, and advance, co-opertive notice. I was repeatedly told they were only using "fertilizer" & that it was perfectly safe. My condition degraded dramatically and I became severely and multiply disabled, and was told to go home and die, by my asthma/allergy doctor, March 10th, 2004, the second year of their transient melon growing operation. Among my many devastating physiologic conditions, I was extremely glutathione deficient. At that time, we didn't know why, or why I couldn't "hold on to it" when it was replenished. I continued to become exponentially more injured, as they rented the properties in my area for 5 consecutive years. It wasn't until the final year (2007) that I was able to confirm through the EPA that they were using chlorothalonil and on a weekly basis. This extremely volatile chemical uptakes All available glutathione and studies have shown it's application has adverse impact on wildlife up to 4 miles away.

During this time, and in the years following,  I was subjected to discriminatory actions by private citizens and public officials.  The farmers, and a neighbor who refused to accommodate me, who ridiculed and slandered me and deliberately applied unnecessary pesticide to "teach me a lesson", to harm and harass me, and to imprison me in my home. He even stated that that was the intent, to a law enforcement officer, who condoned his behavior. The volatility period of these chemicals is from 48 hrs to 8 days, and the one neighbor chose to use 2,4-D as his weapon of choice, specifically because it imprisoned me in my home for 8 days. He made a point of spraying 2,4-D every week. When I left my home for medical treatment, I was repeatedly, life threateningly, harmed as that neighbor deliberately/knowingly applied it the morning of my appointments, to his driveway.

Law enforcement officials refused to recognize it as a lethal weapon, in my case, even though the person admitted he was using it to retalliate and it meets the legal definition as a lethal weapon. I'd provided them a doctor's letter stating that it was life threatening and the basis of my disability. The County Sheriff was prohibited from assisting me by the District Attorney, Dean Gushwa, and the County Commissioners (all farmers, with a conflict of interest and decided prejudice.) The Department of Ag, Pesticide Division refused to make accommodation for my disability and require farmers implementing pesticide programs in my area to co-operatively notify me (or have them use least toxic, least volatile substances and to prevent pesticide drift). The Head of the Pesticide Inspection Department, Dale Mitchell, told me that "a few have to die or the good of the many" and taunted me that maybe if I died, then he MIGHT believe that chemical sensitivity was real. He deliberately "lost" my report of visible pesticide drift, for a year, then he snidely offered to send someone out to test. Chris Kirby, Mr. Mitchell's Supervisor and Katy Coba, the Head of the Oregon Dept. of Ag, sic'd the Oregon Dept of Justice on me, saying that I was a crazy person, and the Oregon DOJ, told me it was their job to protect the Dept. of Ag from people like me.

All I wanted was protection from harm on the basis of my disability, and my civil rights back. I was simply asking for cooperative notification, and reasonable care in choosing and applying pesticides... Instead,  I was imprisoned in my home, being chemically bludgeoned to the point of severe systemic collapse, including heart attacks, toxic induced intermitant porphyria, toxic encepholopathy, paralysis of the diaphragm, including suffocation, kidney and liver damage, such that I passed chunks of blood and tissue, cessation of urine, lymphodenopathy, lymphodema, blindness, loss of small and large motor skills, mental impairment, thickening of blood in my veins, severe pain... I could go on. It was and is a nightmare. I lost access to all of my own farm, and was forced out of my farming activities and my teaching job. (I had returned to teaching, after being sprayed with monitor, while surveying.)

I attempted to send a proxy to the Pesticide Analytically Response Commission (PARC) to obtain accommodations that would return my civil rights back to me. I elicited the support of the Director of Environmental Divsion, Oregon Department of Health and Human Services, Gail Shibley. She assured me it was an excellent plan, solicited all my details, and all the while she was co-chair of PARC, with Dale Mitchell. She never said a word before the meeting. Both of them refused to recognize my speaker at the meeting. Ms. Shibley later informed me that my requests interfered with her political agenda, and she would not support them or allow them to go forward.

I attempted to file for protection under ORS 124, the Elderly Persons and Persons with Disabilities Act, against the neighbor that stated he was "going to teach (me) a lesson."The District Attorneys Office would not support or protect me and the receptionist informed me that it was her job to protect the DA from people like me and proceeded to scream at me and insult me saying I was crazy, over the phone, when I called in for help. I called over 500 lawyers to get help with my case. They wouldn't take it as it would kill their political career, or they told me it would never be allowed to go to trial. Many of them said there wasn't any money in it. I'm here to tell you, there wasn't any justice either...

I represented myself at ex parté and won my temporary protective order from Judge Wallace. I was called up the next day by the court office and informed that it was rescinded, and I'd have to go before Judge Daniel Hill in 2 days. I hadn't recovered from the first round. Judge Hill was hostile, demeaning and ordered me 3 times to get a lawyer. When we finally got to the hearing, which I attended by phone. Judge Hill said that he couldn't hear me and if I couldn't make myself heard I'd be in contempt. I had to shout (with asthma and oxigen deprivation) for my whole trial. Judge Hill ruled that I wasn't disabled because I wan't receiving SSDI, even though the statute said I qualified. My doctor was present, with a 6" folder of test and documentation validating my condition. He testified on my behalf.

 I wasn't receiving SSDI because I'd surveyed for my husband without diect pay for 10 years and only recently returned to teaching... I hadn't accrued enough terms. But the statute said "receiving SSDI, OR have a physical or mental disability... So he violated the law and got away with it. He allowed opposing counsel to slander and demean me. And was himself hostile and demeaning, in violation of ORS 124.  My lawyer said nothing. Judge Hill attempted to coerce me in to moving away. My doctor testified that there was no where safer.

I'm still being harassed, chemically assaulted and stalked by the same neighbor, Albert Ontiveros, with no protection. I've ceased to file complaints because the Sheriff's department does not respond.

The Oregon Dept. of Health and the Governor's Advocate for the Disabled got a meeting together with all the department heads and decided that I wasn't disabled or entitled to receive any protections afforded to the disabled because I wan't receiving SSDI. Sound familiar? This was right beore the hearing. Looks like collusion to me. (incidentally, I'd been discriminated against by Mary Thomlinson of Voc Rehab, and filed a complaint. I was awarded disability recognition and access to Voc Rehab by CAP, the Client Advocacy Program... In the State of Oregon.)

 Oregon Advocacy for the Disabled told me, "We don't serve your kind." (Lisa Mustafa)

Because glutathione is necessary to every system in the body, I have disabilities and reactions involving every system when exposed to toxic substances. Without glutatione you have no ability to break down toxic substances. They rampage through your body causing damage to everything they come in contact with: respiratory, hepatic, renal, porphyrin, neurological, endocrine, lymphatic, mobility, visual. I am severly and multiply disabled, yet I have no protection under the law.

Wether I get accommodation depends entirely on the morals and ethics of each individual. One year I had estrogen dominance so bad from all the endocrine system disrupting chemicals that I collapsed on the floor from a ruptured ovarian cyst. I was also severely anemic due to dysmenorrhea. During my attempts to acquire an ultra sound, I requested fragrance free accommodations. The hospital's patient liaison was very accommodating. She arranged the appointment, ordering the technician to take the appropriate precautions. The technician was so incensed that she deliberately (she taunted us with it) bathed in and saturated herself with every fragranced product she owned. The Washington State Medical Quality Assurance Commission refused to reprimand her, saying she did nothing wrong...  When I was able to finish the tests, it was discovered that I had, not only the cyst, but endometriosis and a fibroid tumor, thanks to the chemicals, the farmers that used them and the public servants that denied me my 1st Ammendments Rights. None of these people have received any sensitivity training reguarding this disability. Region 10 of the ADAs Office has given me permission to quote them, "Persons with Chemical Hypersensitivity are the fastest growing segment of the disabled population." And yet, we're the least known about and the most discriminated against. There are no examples of accommodations in the ADA technical manuals, and discriminatory people I referred to the ADA said that because of that, we aren't protected under the ADA.

This year, the melon farmer is back. I've already been harmed and sickened by the Metam and 1,3 Dichloropropene he's put down. Both have a volatility period of 5 days. So I've been imprisoned, as well...

I don't go to the ER, even when I'm having heart attacks, systemic porphyria, severe lymphomatc impaction & swelling, seizures or any other medical condition... They're too toxic. I would be further harmed and receive no appropriate remediating care. I can't be  transported by EMTs for the same reason. I received derogatory comments, harassment and refusal to accommodate when I asked them to make them. When I am chemically bludgeoned and fighting to survive, it's all on me. This is a horrible emotionally debilitating isolation, on top of everything else.

I have been violated under the ADA multiple times, and no one will do anything about it. I could go on, and on, with unending examples of discrimination... Haven't I made my point?

I have lost nearly every part of my world. My job, my farming operation, access to safe medical & emergency care, to social interaction, to family events, church & public spaces. Anywhere there are chemicals, toxic substances, fragrances, ignorance, predjudice and bigotry, I can't go. That violates my civil rights. All public spaces, offices and buildings, and all medical facilities need to be non-toxic and provide safe access and treatment to the Toxically Injured. All public employees and health care workers must have sensivity training concerning people with chemical & electrical hyper-sensitivities and other Toxic Injuries. Our rights need to be restored. It is against the ADA & the Ohlmstead Act to imprison us in our homes or prohibit us from these services and activities.

There are treatments and practices that are efficacious in the care of Toxically Injured individuals.  It is further discriminatory that those things are exempt from insurance, Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement. We're forced to go without the care we need because the majority cannot afford to pay for it out of pocket, and uninformed medical practitioners refuse to recognize the benefits of these treatments and practices. That violates our civil rights! That takes away our lives, our liberty and our ability to pursue a self sustaining livelihood.

It is a well researched fact that all toxins, wether synthetic to biologic, reduce glutathione. Glutathione treatments should be recognized as standard medical practice. Glutathione should be available in all Emergency Rooms. Infrared sauna's should be designated as durable medical equipment, and mandated "paid for" by insurance companies, Medicare and Medicaid. This is an effective healing and pain management tool. One of the few we can use safely. Nutraceuticals and non-toxic special diets should also be recognized as necessary prescriptions, and completely covered. Care from alternative, and intergrative practitioners need to be 100% reimbursed, regardless of "participation" in insurance company programs. They are all we have. We can not be treated with standard, toxic medical care.

Thank you for taking the time to review this small slice of the discrimination that I've faced. If you want a more in depth view of my daily life, you can view my blog: aftertoxicinjury.blogspot.com

Monday, June 4, 2012


I watched a youtube video today on http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/06/09/monsanto-roundup-found-to-be-carcinogenic.aspx?e_cid=20120604_DNL_artTest_A6. It was called, "The World According to Monsanto." It was almost two hours, but worth watching. It was horrifying, heartbreaking and still shocking. After everything I've been through at the hands of pesticide users, I thought I wouldn't be shocked anymore. Robert Shapiro's actions seem soulless to me. So many people selling out the lives of millions for profit, convenience and power... And at such a staggering cost. It's worth watching guys! Spread it to everyone you know!

Sunday, June 3, 2012


I find myself frustrated, a lot. Yesterday was a locked in day, and a Saturday. The melon farmer put pesticide out through the drip system during the night. I can tell because it permeates the house through cracks and crevices, and I get hurt. I woke up with the eye pain that feels like your eyeballs are being sucked with a vacuum, from behind, and they're stuck in the end of the tube. Then I threw up all morning and part of the afternoon. Doesn't leave much room for doubt... So, I would have loved to have been able to do something fun. Instead, I stayed home, imprisoned, while my husband took off to a nearby city, to pick up baler parts. He took my daughter and son-in-law with him. They had lunch in a nice little bistro, and took in a car show. When he returned, he came in, tossed his keys on the counter and went back out to work on the baler with a neighbor and friend. He returned after 9:30 at night, and didn't speak to me until after 11:00. All his words were used up for the day. My marriage is falling apart. He's leaving me behind, and moving on with his life without me. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. There is nothing that I can say or do to change my situation. I'm powerless to stop it. If I protest or complain, it will only accelerate the abandonment. This is just another devastating part of what happends to the TI. I find it supremely frustrating. It's like my life is a whirlpool of destruction and I am being sucked, inexorably t'word the middle. I feel like many people think That I should accept whatever crumbs of their time, or rudeness and hurtful behavior they dish out and "like it." Like maybe my being disabled means that I'm not entitled to full social status. There was this one very hateful, vicious woman on a blog that verbally attacked me, out of the blue. It was so horrific, it made me ill. I left the blog for a time. While I was gone, she apologized to the others for what she'd said. She made nice and was welcomed into the community. When I healed a little and went back to the blog, there she is buddy-buddy, with my friend. So she makes an insincere "public apology" to me. But she never owned what she did. She never even mentioned it. She just said she was "sincerely sorry" and then went on to tell me how she has a right to her opinion and how I can learn to accept her and respect her. O' sure, she said "each other," but that was just aggrandizing bull puckey. Then she threw in my face how she was now great friends with my friend... Venomous snake. So I'm frustrated. I love Edmond Burke's quote, "Evil prevails when good men do nothing." But this is one of those times when anything I do, won't help... Frustrated.

Sunday, May 20, 2012


Like a lumbering bumble bee... I'm puttering and futsing. Moving from one project to the next, gathering a little here, a little there. Looking for productivity like those gigantic fuzzy bees seek nectar.

Yesterday I worked my butt off. It was an 'Oh, so clever' day. I snatched my opportunity, flung open the windows and painted trim for hours. I painted so long and hard I can barely move today. ;-) Serves me right, but I'm thrilled and am thoroughly enjoying my moment of triumph! It's not often I snatch back a little piece of my life from those pesticide despots, that hold me captive.

Of course I was dismayed at the lack of coordination I now have. I worked while going to college, as a graphic artist. I painted graphics on the walls around the college. I used to be able to trim a window or base board with a 2" brush, and even cut a 90* corner, without tape. Not true anymore. The poisoning has robbed me of my fine motor skills. I persevered. Maybe with practice, I can get them back.

I had to shut the windows down about 4:00. I saw the melon farmers "fertilizer" truck go by. The one I suspect is full of fungicide... I woke up with vacuum hose eyeballs again this morning. Ya think he dripped chlorothalonil thru his system? I do.

I also processed spinach yesterday morning and knit on a cute little lamb, for my new granddaughter. I finished it today. Since I wasn't moving, it was a good "day after" project.

Other than cleaning Rosie's ears, I haven't done much more today than wool carding, mending & vacuuming. Hmmmm, I guess for TIs, that's a lot. I also got the kitchen cleaned up and am baking a meat loaf. Wow!!! I am getting better!! Funny how it sneaks up on me.

Oh, yeah, my Keurig replacement arrived yesterday. I'm back to drinking good coffee! I hate the taste of paper filtered coffee. Even natural, un-bleached paper filters. Yes, I'm spoiled. I have to own that one. If it helps, I did a month of paper filter penance. :-}

Saturday, May 12, 2012

A Bright Spot

For the moment, the air is clear. I managed to outsmart the melon farmer, and avoid being toxed when he applied fungicide through his drip system Thursday night. You see I read the label on chlorothalonil and while it gave a 12 hr. REI, it said that workers shouldn't be allowed back in the field, without PPE for 6 1/2 days, if it was applied through drip tube, under plastic. Which is exactly what he's doing! So, since he's never cared about my life, or the lives of other people who've complained over the years, I wasn't surprised to see workers in the field Thursday. They weren't wearing protective equipment, there were children, and it had only been 4 1/2 days. Since he'd applied after the workers left before, I reasoned he'd do the same thing that day. I checked cautiously Thursday evening, sure enough, he was applying. I started to react, just opening the door. I reacted to the dogs the next morning when they came back in from potting. Looks like I'll be locked down for most of the summer. But today, now that I've finished painting the ceiling in my daughters old room (VOC free paint), I'm going to jump outside and weed, until someone sprays! Take a few minutes and visit my Facebook page. Please use the link to the petition requesting President Obama to declare "Toxic Injury Awareness, Education and Prevention Month." Please sign the petition. Even if you don't live in this country! President Obama is globally minded, and what happens in one country affects what happens in other countries. Together, we can make a difference. :-)

Monday, May 7, 2012

Aaaaaand Here's Why!

You'd think Sunday morning would be peaceful. Not so for TIs. Here's an excerpt from an email I sent to a friend this morning... "I took the dogs out yesterday morning and got an exposure. Some one applied chemical and didn't tell me. It was horrible. It blistered my esophagus, & stomach, stopped all gut motility, caused me to blow up like Willie Wonka's blueberry girl, my liver distended, My kidneys shut down, I had interstitial cystitis, & lymphatic impaction in several places- right leg, arm pits, breasts, spine-, I actually weighed myself this time. I put on 6 lbs., my whole endocrine system was inflamed! My uterus, & appendix were also swollen & burning, my brain hurts, my eyeballs hurt - like they are stuck in the end of the vacuum tube, from behind... my bones hurt and every cell in my body hurts. Yesterday, I wanted to die, so it would stop. And, I was mad that they would drive me to that point. That they can legally continue to do that to me. That they could very nearly kill me, because one of these times it will... And they would rob me and my loved ones of my life. Yet, I'm too damn chemically bludgeoned to figure out how to stop it. So I sent out two letters. One to the President, asking for a national proclamation (both Peggy & I have been too sick to petition the governor's this year) one to the Governor, whose meeting with a group from the Triangle lake area, asking him to outlaw pesticides in Oregon. I sent my testimony & support. Not very effective, but I don't know what else to do. Where is my superhero when I need him? Oh God! It's me, and I am Under-Under Dog!! It's not looking good for our heroine." And that is why I would like to be someone other than me. It is sooooo "old!" I'm fighting my way out of the pit, again! I'm wracking my brains for ways to stop this! If you haven't signed one of the "Safe Chemicals Act" petitions, through "Safer Chemicals, Healthy Families" or the Sierra Club, who's partnering with them, PLEASE, do it now!! NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!!!! NOBODY ELSE SHOULD BE FORCED (by toxic consumer product & environmental chemicals, TO HAVE TO BECOME LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! Here's a link: https://secure.sierraclub.org/site/Advocacy?pagename=homepage&page=UserAction&id=8681&autologin=true&s_src=710ZSCSH01

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Did You Ever Wish...

That you were somebody else? I think we all do it. That's why we go to movies, or read books, or play video games. There, for a little while, we can be somebody better or more powerful. Our lives can be a little less boring, or painful or destitute. I used to think that I could be who ever & what ever I wanted. But I was wrong. I'm not that powerful. The world, not even my world, isn't under my control. That's an illusion. Those of you, out there, who live under duress know this is true. Only those that live in protected, naive, safe, little worlds believe in "the power of positive thinking." The rest of us know it's a lie. I had someone tell me this last week that if I changed my screen name, to something positive, I'd get better. REALLY!? So, what she's saying is if I call myself Something like, "Fluff-bunny of Miraculous Healing" "BOOM!!!!", or is that "Poof!!!" I'd be well?!? Yeah, that's not going to happen... I bet people who are being raped or tortured or starving or living in war zones, or in poverty, get really tired of that arrogant attitude. Because, you know, it's the ones who think they have it all together, through their own power, that profess it. The same ones that have never faced real hardship. It's like they blame us, for the calamities in our lives... Like we're not trying to fix it. Or not trying hard enough, according to them. Which is, in the end, sublimely arrogant. They've set themselves up as god. I don't know how many of you readers have TI, or some other similar affliction, but you know what we go through, day in, day out... The endless protocols. The striving to avoid toxins. The struggling to survive organ damage, etc. So many of you have faced the very real, physical symptoms that trace amounts of toxic chemicals bring on. How many of you were told "it's all in your head." or "if you weren't focusing on negative things your wouldn't have that condition." or how about "you draw that to yourself, when you think about those things."? Huh?! Really?! And how many of you tried to think positively? Do those people really think we haven't tried "positive thinking"?!!! They're essentially saying we're stupid! We're not stupid, and yeah, we tried it! We are that desperate. It doesn't work. If it did, there would be more people who survive tragic accidents. It didn't work at the Twin Towers. It didn't work in Oklahoma City. It doesn't work in war torn countries. It doesn't work. And for anyone to throw that in our faces is the height of insensitivity. They should be slapped. Do any of you, out there, remember when it was socially acceptable to slap someone for being that rude and insensitive? I think we need to bring that back. But, back to the beginning of this conversation. Today, I'm really wishing I wasn't me. I'm too tired and painful to come up with someone better. So, help me out here, who would you want to be? If you could be someone else for one day,... Who would you be?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It Was an Impressionist Wedding

I survived it and it was mostly due to poor video feed quality. Ironic. The thing I wanted the most was to attend my son's wedding. Since I was unable to access the accommodations necessary to allow me to attend in the time that I was allotted, we arranged to Skype it. My husband took a hot-spot and we arranged to have it hooked into the tv, so everyone who wanted to come to the Skyping (because they couldn't afford to go to the wedding)could watch it comfortably. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the signal strength was poor. The bride's sister was able to Skype it also, off our hotspot, and that was a huge blessing to the bride. Her sister's husband had recently been transferred to Italy, with their whole family. It meant a lot to both of them. I don't know how clear her picture was, but ours was like a Monet painting. Impressionistic. Though the still shots were a bit better. I figured out right at the end, that I could take them. Here is one for you.

So I got to see it, and then again, not. I suppose, had I been able to see their faces (and expressions) I would have bawled my head off. But, as I had to focus on figuring out what everything was, it was too distracting, for much crying. It was surreal. I'm glad I got to see what I did, but it was still extremely unsatisfying. I told myself that at least I'd have the pictures and video that my husband took. He forgot. He assures me there was someone there taking pictures and video, and I can have a copy of that. I'll believe that when I see it, too. So I tried to get some details out of my husband. He notices very little. His impressions: they seemed happy. The Pastor was a larger version of our old Pastor. Her (the Bride's) uncle was a mini version of his (my husband's) uncle. Her one aunt was the one in charge. They all seemed like nice people.

 I got introduced to several of them over Skype, and they were so blurry, I wouldn't recognize them if I bumped into them on the street. Nor could I tell what they were saying. The audio feed was pretty broken up. I mostly smiled, nodded and looked interested. I wanted to say nice things to the bride, welcoming her to the family, but she looked like she wasn't hearing everything I was saying either. I was grateful and sad and frustrated all at once. I was happy for them. I think they were smiling beatifically. After the wedding, we logged off and served a "wedding breakfast" of waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. We had champagne, as well. We even made toasts to the absent bride & groom. Then my daughter and her husband left for church and my parents-in-law stayed over another day so they could see their son. They left yesterday about 10:00 a.m. And I sat down for a few minutes and passed out until 3:00. So now, I'm trying to get my 'normal' life back on track. I have this empty, achy spot inside me. I'm told by other TIs that it will never go away. It's the being forced to miss those once in a life time occasions. It's a type of robbery. Something precious is stolen from us and we can never get it back. As Peggy says, "it's wrong on so many levels."

 I'm supposed to get to throw them an Oregon reception. I can't even count on that. I can't even count on being here. I'm frustrated, and sad. I'm struggling to move forward. That's hard.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Lull Between Recovery and Boredom

Well, after this last few weeks, culminating in close applications of Atrazine, Callsto, Dual II Magnum, & Glystar, this weekend, I'm thrilled to say the wave of pain, paralysis, nausea, mental impairment, etc., etc. is receding. Yes!! I could begin to feel it start to turn last night, about 8:00 p.m. But it was quickly followed by intense hyper-activity impulses. Makes me wonder how many kid's ADD, or ADHD is triggered by neighborhood, or school ground applications of glysophate...? Yeah, both I and Rosie had symptoms. She ran around the bedroom, anxious and unable to settle for a couple of hours... I "vibrated" wide awake with hallucinations, and sporadic myoclonic jerks, until the wee hours of the morning. Gee, thanks Sprayers... The Gift that keeps on giving... (dripping with sarcasm.) So today I get to deal with the follow up symptoms, while I recover some energy. That would be the boils and blisters all over my face, scalp & trunk, and the film of toxic crap I get to exude from my pores and that coats my body in a rank, gummy residue! Hmmmm, lovely! (also heavily sarcastic) I do get a little tired of being constantly wet. Well, you didn't think I was going to leave it there did you?! The good parts of today are that, "Nothing feels as good as feeling better!!!" and everything is a mountain to accomplish, so you're busy all day. When I get enough recovery from this, that normal things like dressing, bathing, peeing, eating, aren't so huge, I'll have time & energy left over and that's when I get board. I don't have enough energy to sustain a project, but enough that I don't pass out. Hugely boring!! I like to fill my time by blogging on other sites, raising awareness and helping people, or researching for the Foundation, but I've gotten so toxed, I'm forced by my own impairments to take a break. I can't recall my sources, and on public forums, I can get beat up pretty bad, if I can't defend my statements at the drop of a hat. Frustrates me. That means, I have to give up my only social life. I'm back to the clock ticking. It's going to be a very hard, lonely week, what with my son's wedding in Texas, that I can't attend, due to my disabilities, and my favorite forum that I've had to withdraw from, due again to my disabilities... I don't want to have a pity party, cookies or not, so I've been trying to come up with projects to keep my mind off of my losses. I was weeding, but the sprayers shut that down. I was trying to steam clean the bedroom carpet. The weakness slowed that to a crawl!! Oh, I'm doing it. It's just taking me FOREVER!!! I can only do a little bit at a time, then I have to rest. And fit all the rest of that crap in there, like detoxing, bathing, eating. Sigh. Good grief, the drive belt broke on the steamer and that took me half a day to fix!!! O.k. I can practically hear you saying, "huh?!" First, I had to get down on the floor. That probably isn't a big deal to most of you, but when your feet are so badly swollen and painful, and your legs so weak and shaky that you can barely stand on them, getting down on the floor, is dicey. You may not get back up. And they may not support you getting down. Then you have to turn the thing over to figure out what is wrong with it! It's at that point, you realize you need some tools, and that you have to get back up! Oiy!! Hopefully, you can kinda extrapolate the rest... Cause I'm getting too tired to finish this now, I need a nap and I haven't managed breakfast yet... It's 1:15 p.m. Sigh! Yawn! More later....

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Cage

Spray season has started. I'm locked in. I'm finding myself pacing from window to window, staring out. Outside is gorgeous. Sunny, 70*, green and growing. But, they've sprayed. & sprayed. & sprayed. In the last 3 weeks there were 3 days I could safely get out. The volume of spray is so high that I'm suffering, even locked in. I've had a constant toxic encephalopathy for several days now. My chest and lymph nodes are ominously painful. My vision and even my cognitive ability are impaired. I keep taking nutriceuticals, I keep doing detox protocols. I'm losing ground and I can feel it. I'm caged in. I can't go anywhere. Even inside my cage they torment me. How I wish I already had my RV, so I could just drive away...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Wedding

I failed. I'm heart broken. I will not get to attend my son's wedding. My future daughter-in-law's mother decided she didn't want her daughter living with her any longer and threatened to throw her out on the street. She made her pronouncement on Easter at the extended family dinner. My son and his fiancé had to set the date before the end of the month. I can't get everything done in time. I can't attend.

I cried for days. I couldn't sleep. Everytime I'd try the grief would pour in on me and I'd find myself sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. Wailing. Grieving horribly. Chest hurting so badly it felt like my heart was actually tearing. I fought to get myself back under control because I it felt like a heart attack. I made myself calm down, and think of other things. Then as I started to fall asleep, I'd repeat the whole procedure again. I've never experienced such horrible emotional pain. I've stopped crying at night now. I still just break down and cry randomly. Thinking about it at all makes me cry. But, there's nothing we can do to change it. I won't ever get over it.

I don't want 'my not being able to attend' to cloud their day, so I'm trying to focus on the joy of their wedding, for their sake. I ordered the brides bouquet and all the flowers. The mother of the bride is refusing to be involved at all. She won't even look at ribbons, or trims. My future daughter-in-law is borrowing a cousin's dress and making it over. We talked about how she's going to do that. We talked about her daughter's flower girl dress. We talked about colors and where they'll go for their honeymoon. She told me all about the wedding plans. They will be married by a small lake, with only a handful of close family attending. Her aunt & uncle, her cousins, supposedly her mom. My husband. He's the only one from my son's side who can go on such short notice. I'm upset about that, too.

I'm pissed off, for my future daughter-in-law's sake, as well. It's probably a good thing (for her mother) that I'm not going. I'd probably leave the safety of my RV (if I'd found one in time)to jump her mother and kick her ass, if I did go. I'm having fantasies of throwing her into the lake and whomping up on her big time. No one should treat their daughter that way!!!
Every girl deserves a princess day. That's usually her wedding day. When they are married, she will be my daughter. She will have her day. We will throw her an Oregon reception. All our friends and family will come and support her and treat her like a princess. I'll be sure she has a dress of her own, and a beautiful setting and lavish food. We'll save our presents for when they come. We will surround her with love and support and bring both her and my son joy. Because that's how it should be done. I can't change the fact that I can't go, but I can make a blessing!!

Is my heart still grieving because I won't be there for the wedding. Yes. I can't do anything about it. All I can do it focus on better things, and keep trying to find an RV and get Rosie certified, so I don't miss the next important event. Pray for me, please. The day of the wedding is going to be extremely hard. It is the 29th.

Monday, April 9, 2012


I'm still jumping hoops. I want to go to my son's wedding, and I feel as though I'm living that old tale about the pig that wouldn't jump over the stile... Haven't you heard it? Well it goes something like this...

There once was a little old lady that was cleaning her house and found a coin. So she threw on her coat, hurried to market and bought a pig. She drove the piggy nearly all the way home but, when they came to the stile, the pig refused to budge.(A stile is like a little ladder that goes up one side of a fence, and down the other.) She pushed and prodded and pulled but it was no use. She decided she needed some help. So she turned around and headed back t'word town in search of some. Very soon she happened upon a dog. She said,

"Dog, dog, bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile and I shan't get home tonight." But the dog would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a stick. She said,

"Stick, stick, beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile and I shan't get home tonight." But the stick would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a fire. She said,

"Fire, fire, burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." But the fire would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to some water. She said,

"Water, water, quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the style, and I shan't get home tonight." But the water would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to an ox. She said,

"Ox, ox, drink water. Water won't quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." But... The ox would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a butcher. She said,

"Butcher, butcher, kill ox. Ox won't drink water. Water won't quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." But the butcher would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a rope. (don't ask me why she's talking to a rope. Obviously she's a little crazy. She talks to inanimate objects!) She said,

"Rope, rope, hang butcher. Butcher won't kill ox. Ox won't drink water. Water won't quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." But, you guessed it. The rope would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a rat. She said,

"Rat, rat, gnaw rope. Rope won't hang butcher. Butcher won't kill ox. Ox won't drink water. Water won't quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." But the rat would not. So she went a little further down the road until she came to a cat. She said,

"Cat, cat, kill rat. Rat won't gnaw rope. Rope won't hang butcher. Butcher won't kill ox. Ox won't drink water. Water won't quench fire. Fire won't burn stick. Stick won't beat dog. Dog won't bite pig. Pig won't jump over the stile, and I shan't get home tonight." The cat said,

"If you give me a saucer of milk, I will," and so the little old lady did. And just as soon as kitty finished the last drop...

The cat began to kill the rat. The rat began to gnaw the rope. The rope began to hang the butcher. The butcher began to kill the ox. The ox began to drink the water. The water began to quench the fire. The fire began to burn the stick. The sick began to beat the dog. The dog began to bite the pig. The pig jumped over the stile, and the little old lady got home that night. Whew!

I used to tell that story when I was teaching. The kids really loved it. There's actually a lot that it teaches us about persevering, even in the face of hopeless resistance. It also teaches us not to mess with seemingly powerless little old ladies..... Food for thought.

Anyway, so here I am in the midst of my litany of hoops to jump to get what I want... I've talked to an army of people, and I've managed to at least push one part of the whole equation, a little bit forward. The Foundation for Service Dog Support has agreed to give me the accommodations I need, to get Rosie certified, if I can get the appropriate letters, from vets and my doctor. Well I have lots of letters from Dr. Smith. But I did request an updated/specific one. I still need one from my holistic vet for the spaying. He didn't think it was in her best interest to spay her, what with her having vacinosis...(I think that's why) At least. I would have wanted to hold off, on the spaying anyway, until she was older. Like 2-3 years old. I learned so much about the endocrine system, and how vitally important the hormones that are produced by the uterus and ovaries are to overall health... After I went through that horribly thing in 2010 with estrogen dominance, endometriosis, a uterine tumor, the ruptured cyst and the hemorrhaging. If it wasn't for Ryan moving off to Texas and getting married there, I would have waited. So, my plan currently hangs on wether or not my vet will write that letter. No. No dogs, pigs, butchers, rope or anything like that involved. Just me with my fingers crossed.

That and now Ryan & Michele are talking about moving the date up. Do they? Don't they? Do they? Don't they? Aaa argh! This is driving me nuts!!! I'm working as fast as I can! I feel like I just won't make it in time. It's breaking my heart. But I have to keep trying. It's like that part in a foot race, when you see someone pass you. You can't let it break your spirit. You have to persevere to the finish. So I have to keep going. Even if they decide to have the wedding soon, and not give me enough time. Not going to my son's wedding will break my heart. I can't help but sob every time I think about it. But, that's what happens to us. The toxically injured. We get cut out of everything. One of my dear friends couldn't attend her Mother's funeral. Another was forced to miss her Mother's and her own husbands funerals, and her daughter's wedding. Do they ever get over it? No. They're still heart broken. I have to keep doing this. Jumping the hoops, I mean. Other wise, I'll just keep missing more things. Like grand babies... I'll just stay imprisoned here. I don't want to be imprisoned and shut away from all the family events. I want to be a part of things! I want to live!

I think one of the reasons they're thinking of moving it up is they're afraid I'll get it all put together, and set out across the country, and something will happen to me on the way. Don't they realize that's what every loving parent thinks whenever their kid leaves the house?! Ironic, isn't it? Our kids tell us, "I'll be fine! Quit worrying!" but look what happens when the shoe's on the other foot... I'm practically beside myself. I don't know what to do. Obviously, I'm not as resourceful as the little old lady with the pig. :-(

Sunday, April 1, 2012

He's Back

Well that didn't last long. Yesterday I went out to potty the dogs, and as I came out the door, and down the walk, Ron, who was on the shop roof, started yelling at me. There was someone working Mr. Evil's field and he had a tank on. I turned right around and went back inside. It was already too late. I could feel the skin around my mouth, and the inside of my lips burning. It wasn't long before a blistering earache and temporal headache began.

I knew I'd have to do it...call Jack Bellinger. I sucked it up and made the call. I got the answering machine. I made sure my voice was smoothe, reasonable. Not demanding. Not harsh. Forty minutes later, a John Jones returned my call. Obviously, Bellinger doesn't want to talk with me, I thought. I was as sweet as pie to Mr. Jones. I could tell it startled him. He'd been prepared to deal with a raving lunatic, a witch. You know, what crude guys usually call woman they've hurt or offended, who dare to protest. Mr. Jones was so suprised he answered some of my questions. He told me they were using Metam, and Telone c-17. Later he said they hadn't put anything down, but we're going to just be putting down fertilizer. Sound familiar. That's what Jack used to tell me. That's what caused my pesticide injury to become a disability; Jack putting down chlorothalonil with his fertilizer and not telling me, so I wasn't able to protect myself. Anyway, Mr. Jones gave me Jack's email, so I can send him a list of what I need. We had a little trouble somehow and I didn't get the address correct. I searched for Bellinger Farms website, to look for contact information, and found their FaceBook page. There was a post that said,
"our prime purpose is to help others. And if you can't
help them, at least don't hurt them." Dali Lama.

OH BROTHER!!!!! Now that's hypocritical! Yeah, I'm judging. Sure all you softies might be thinking, "he's changed"... NOT. He was applying those chemicals that Mr. Jones mentioned. I looked up their MSDS sheets and labels. Justin's symptoms that we thought were due to Meds, the day after the first tractor was working the field,mwere a bunch of the symptoms of Metam poisoning. And last night, I had a bunch of the symptoms of 1,3 Dichloropropene poisoning... Telone. So, do I think he lied? Yeah. I sent a very nice email. If he was being co-operative, I would have got a reply. Nothin' same old Jack.

What that? You thinking I'm a bit grouchy this morning? Well since I was up a good share of the night in sobbing agony, my kidneys shut down and my lymphoma flaring, while the poison tore at my insides like acid and my liver distended trying to handle the toxin... Yeah. I am a bit grouchy. /:-(

Friday, March 30, 2012

If It's Not One Thing...

This has been a heck of a week. On Monday my son-in-law, Justin, got a kidney stone. On Tuesday my husband had to take him to the ER. Later I look out and see someone drilling something on the evil neighbor's field. It's not the usual guy, who works with me and calls me before he puts down chemicals. Mr. Evil rents his property to other farmers. So I call the usual guy and leave him a message asking if he knows anything about who, or what...

I get a call back later. Mr. Evil has rented his field to Jack Bellinger. The same guy who rented property adjacent to mine, all those consecutive years and lied about what he was putting down. Remember his famous statement, "It's just fertilizer." And it wasn't "just" fertilizer! It was fertilizer plus chlorothalonil, the chemical that uptakes cellular glutathione and destroys immune systems. This guy is, in large part, responsible for my disability. This year, they put an irrigation circle on that field, so I know he's going to be there for a long time. That's a big investment. That made me sick to my stomach.

Later that same evening, my son-in-law had to go back into the ER. And I've been caring for him most of the week. if there's one thing I know a lot about, it's being sick. He's doing better today. Finally, poor guy. The stone passed, but the Meds are making him pretty sick.

Today, my daughter & son-in-law are signing a rental agreement on an apartment, and moving out. I don't think they'll get completely moved out this weekend. Justin won't be able to lift anything much for a few days. But my daughter and my husband will move quite a bit. Then when Justin feels better, they can move the big stuff.

Life goes on. I'm not calling Mr. Bellinger, yet. No use starting the antagonism until I need to. He won't like me telling him to inform me of what he puts down again. It won't matter how nicely I say it. He's one of those belligerent people that hates doing anything they are told to, or should. Sigh. I sure wish there was someone in our government that recognised the need for people like me to be protected, and wrote a law that we had to be informed, and that they had to use the least toxic product, that will get the job done. I feel like a sitting duck. And, there is nowhere safer to go. What to do? The last time I went into this, it didn't work out so good...

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Texas is a Rabies Active State

Rosie, my service dog, had a severe vaccine reaction with her first parvo/distemper vac. It was given to her the day before I got her, and we nearly lost her 4 days later. So, I didn't give her anymore vacs. She titered out protected for life for parvo/distemper. I don't go anywhere, so I wasn't going to rabies vac her. There's no risk that she would get it. She and I have medical exemptions. The adjuvants could resolve out of the dog and get me, even if she hadn't had a problem, before. It takes two years for them to get out of the dog. I researched this as well. (I guess you can see what's been occupying me, and why I didn't get to posting...)

Anyway, I checked on the state laws between here and my son. Every other state accepts exemptions but Texas. So I called Texas. I talked to the head of the the Zoonosis, Dept. of Health. He advised me to just ignore the law. My problem with that is, what happens if I run into a bigot, in law enforcement? I've had enough personal experience with bigots. Then there's the testimonies of my frends, who are TI. So many of them have been threatened, harmed or harassed by law enforcement. We seem to be "bigot magnets." They come out of the woodwork to harass us. If I did get pulled over by a bigot, they could impound (up to 6 months) my service dog, vac her, and charge me $1000 + costs of boarding. I wouldn't even be able to access her for 2 years. Nor would I be in any condition to argue past the first few minutes. Bad all the way around. So I asked the head of Zoonosis if they recognised exemptions? NO! Titers? NO!

Texas does have a pretty bad rabid fox, coyote, bat and skunk problem. They vac them with an oral vaccine, in bait. I asked him if I could get a dose of that for Rosie... It doesn't have adjuvants (the toxins they put in to elicit a huge response from the subjects immune system, when they use killed virus.) NO! It's not legal to give to pets.

Well that pretty much shot my dreams of attending my son's wedding in the ass!! I depend on my service dog. I can't not have her with me for 10 days. Ten days were I will be getting exposures and will be so swollen and painful I will need her... I was back to attending by Skype. Which breaks my heart. I want to go to my son's wedding!!!!

I cried for a while. I'd heard rumors of a non-toxic vac on line. I'd even gone to a holistic vet to get one. It turns out it was Imrab3 TF. It's thermerisol free. Thermerisol contains 50% liquid mercury. Mercury is a neuro-toxin. It's in most killed vaccines as a preservative. They used gentimycin, an antibiotic, instead. They still use aluminum as an adjuvant. Aluminum is a neurotoxin. So that won't work.

I decided to look for that "non-toxic" rabies vac. My holistic vet told me if I found it, he'd order it for me. I initiated a massive search. I ended up calling every rabies vaccine maker out there and running down every possible lead. There is a less toxic rabies vaccine out there. It's for cats. Too high a precentage of cats were dying of Rabies (vac) Associated Sarcoma (RAS). Cancer at the sight of their rabies injection, due to the adjuvants and toxins used to kill the virus. It's a recombinant (DNA fragmented) live virus on canary pox. It's not legal for dogs. More and more dogs are starting to get RAS, so they are working on a dog Vaccine. It's out there about 5 years away.

I spoke with the Immunologist at Merck. She was a very lovely woman. She confirmed that niether Rosie or I should have anything to do with vacs. And she should be exempt on both counts. She did say it would be 2 years before the adjuvants resolved out of the dog, as well. She was also highly concerned with me being anywhere near a rabies hot spot. Another big, bad dead end. I cried and moped for 24 hrs.

I decided, that perhaps the nice Dr. Of Zoonosis didn't know his ADA mandates very well. I looked up the Texas Department of Disability. They weren't in, but had a link to the Independent Living Resource. I called them. The nice young woman said she'd see what she could do, and to give her a few days. So that's where we are... Waiting.

Anyone else got any ideas? Where o' where is "Walker Texas Ranger" when you need him?

I Want to Go to My Son's Wedding!! :-(

My Son, Ryan, moved to Texas. He plans on getting married there, this year. His Fiancé lives in Texas. So, naturally they'll get married there, where her friends and family are. I want to go.

If you're a regular reader, or TI, you're mind is already thinking of all the barriers. I've been working on it for months. First off, it's 2000 miles. I can't access public spaces; they're all too toxic. Trains, planes, hotels, restaurants, restrooms... All out. That leaves driving. But it's a 3 day trip one way, and I can't arrive in decent shape eating, sleeping and peeing in a car, for 3 days. So, I pulled the TI's old stand-by idea of a converted RV out and dusted it off.

An RV would provide me with a safe place to eat, sleep and take care of bathroom functions. The round trip would be about 10 days. So I started mulling over the logistics. What all would I need to do to convert it? First off, I know I can't do propane gas. So I'd need a convection/microwave to cook. Hmmm, and probably a hot plate, too. I think a couple of extra air purifiers. The space is small, but the likelihood of it getting contaminated is high. I'd definitely need water purifiers on all the faucets. That's easy enough. I'd need a solar charger and converter. I think an extra battery or 2. I need laundry facilities. I can't access laundromats, and if I got exposed, I'd need to clean the clothes as well as myself, or they'd be outgassing toxins. I thought a lot about the sleeping arrangements. Lots of times Ron out gasses stuff he's been exposed to, during the day, at night and we can't sleep together on those nights. So I'd want one with the bed-over-cab for him. I'd prefer leather upholstry, its easier to clean off toxins. However, that's out of my budget. :-(

I did find some beautiful class A's that were affordable. I was very excited. Until I realized that they access the engine from between the front seats. Any time that was opened, petroleum VOCs would contaminate the entire interior. I wouldn't be able to access it for a couple of months. That wouldn't work. So I decided on a Class C. Class C's don't come with washer/dryers, but I did a little reconnesance. I looked at one in a nearby city, that was owned by another TI, and took some measurements. The washer/dryer unit will fit very nicely into the spot where the stove/oven is! I won't need the oven. I can just pull it out and plumb the washer/dryer in to the water & sewer lines under the sink. That should work. I went back and forth on the slide-out issue. I'd love the extra space, but I'd run the risk of contamination, whenever I moved it in or out, and if it didn't seal. There'd also be the concern of deteriorating rubber on the seal. It would outgass, and it could allow VOC leakage. I eventually decided to go with no slides. Optimally, I'd want one from folks who were non-smokers, & fragrance free, and without pets. Not that I have anything against pets. It would just be that they probably used peticide for flea and tick control. That's a pretty tall order to start with, but it could happen!

I also figured it should be older, so it will have outgassed a lot of component VOCs, but it needs to not be too old, or I could have major problems on the road. I decided on a 2000-2005 model. I started looking on line. I researched makes and models. I looked at floor plans. I looked at all the features and what it should have that it doesn't. Then figured out how much I'd need to buy one and upgrade it. That was the easy part.

I've made a bunch of calls. I'm expecting a lot of nos. so I'm not discouraged. I'm also educating as many dealers as are open. I tell them there is a huge market out there for non-toxically detailed RVs and fragrance free personnel. Actually, I've found several dealers whose detailers are TI, so they already use non-toxics. That's a plus. I have a couple looking for me as well.

That brought me to the ext barrier... Rabies vac for the dog...

Friday, February 10, 2012


Did you ever pass by a disabled person and wonder what it was like to be disabled? Or have you just not notice them? I used to wonder. As a child, my siblings and I played "handicap." It was a game where everyone would choose a handicap and then we'd play our usual games, with our handicap. Sometimes we'd play it where some of us were handicapped, and some were helpers. It gave us a lot of compassion and understanding for people with disabilities. I think we did it because my uncle was blind, and my fathers best friend had only one arm. We had people with disabilities in our lives.

Now that I am disabled, I see the realities of it that we never could understand while playing the game as children:

The fact that it never goes away. Every moment of every day, forever. As a child playing a game, there's an end. Now, it doesn't matter what I'm doing or wish to do, I still have the barriers to get around.  It's a fight to get every single thing done, every single day. There is no rest or release from it.

One of the barriers that we deal with daily is the perceptions of others. It is unfathomable how many people think that the disabled are maligners, exaggerating or making it up. People also look at me like I'm defiled, like I don't have a right to be there. They roll their eyes. They sneer. I've even been verbally attacked and physically assaulted, just because of my disability.  They exclude me because it's too inconvenient to make the accommodations that allow me to participate, and they think that its o.k. to do so. They don't believe I deserve the same rights or opportunities as other people. 

Is it o.k. to exclude me because it's hard to accommodate me? Is it o.k. to whittle down my life to the bare minimum of experiences because doing anything with me is inconvenient? Is it really o.k. to shut me up in my house while the rest of  the world goes on with their lives, without me? It's not. It's against the law. President Bush signed "The Olmsted Act," making it a crime to do so. The ADA entitles me to have equal access to everything, and mandates that I get special accommodation, as necessary, to do so. But many people's hearts are hard. Despite the laws of God and man, they don't, because it's inconvenient... 

The bottom line is:  It is more burdensome on the disabled person, than on anybody else. I've had my disability for 8 years. I didn't choose this disability. I didn't want it. It is from an evil perpetrated against me. I'm tired of feeling that people would be happier if I had died instead of surviving, because then they wouldn't be inconvenienced. I'm tired of justifications and rationalizations for self centered behavior. Suck it up, do the right thing. There will be no acceptable excuses before God.