Saturday, November 8, 2014

Eddies

I spent a lot of time on rivers and bodies of water, as a young person. I studied their currents, their flow and back flows. I sailed, canoed and kayaked, so reading currant was important. One of the aspects of flow that you must recognize are eddies. Those places where the water dramatically slows down, and even runs backwards. As a kayacker you can use them, to rest; as a canoer, they can catch and impede you. You have to expend a great deal more effort to get out. I seem to be stuck in a virtual eddy right now. I can't seem to go forward. My abscess isn't healing. I start over every day. I'm trying everything I can think of, but nothing is making a substantial improvement. A good deal of it is still poor diet. My achalasia isn't healing any more either. I've been trying to eat more veggies, but they still won't pass through the LES. I wake up in the morning with my chest hurting from the abrasion of the veggies that are still sitting in my  esophagus. I get up urping them back up. Its frustrating me. 

I'm still looking for a safe piece of property to buy. There's nothing on the market that will meet my criteria. Not even anything that can be forced to meet my criteria. That frustrates me. I don't do well with being frustrated. I see properties that could work, only I'd need twice the amount of money that I have in my budget. SMH That brings me back to the thing that depresses me the most: there are no jobs for people like me! I'm a production oriented person. I need a job and a purpose! I searched for years, back at the beginning. I used to have a "JobsUSA" app, and visited it everyday, for years. I even explored those "work from home" ads. There's always a catch. Many of them ethical. My moral fiber is as much a part of me as my need to be productive. Well, I revisited the jobs listings again today, after reviwing the available properties... It was fruitless. I feel trapped and like I'm banging my head against the bars. Sorry to be such a downer. :-( I figure I should be honest with you about these times too. So I should share them, rather than omit them. I'm not Pollyanna. I don't go around smiling through every adverse event. Thankfully, I'm not Eyore, either. Though I feel like I'm having an " Eyore moment." Well, I'm going to keep banging my head against the bars and the walls, something has to give! @@