Saturday, February 21, 2015

Be the Turtle

I'm trying to remind myself that slow, steady progress will win out in the end. Its the set backs that frustrate me. I got out for 2 days. I did get my RV put back together. All it would need when I got notice was water, food, clothes and handwork. Then Bellinger sent a "seeder" out, without notification. I was trapped in again! Yes, I called. Yes they assured me it was just untreated seed. Yes, my body tells me otherwise. I have to admit, it could be someone else, out of sight, applying something very toxic at the same time... Yeah, right. I feel there must be an especially deep, extremely hot hole in the pit of hell reserved for this guy.

I spent Tuesday thru Friday this week feeling like I'd been run over by a truck, then he backed up and got me a couple more times. You know what I go through. Burning skin, eyes, kidneys, stomach. Bloating upper and lower GI, and liver. Puking. Encephalopathy. Lymphoma. Snot. You can go back and read the details in previous posts. I so don't want to have to go through it all again. Even just writing about it is bad enough. 

Thursday was so bad I didn't even take most of my meds. (Nutraceuticals). There wasn't much point, since I wasn't holding anything down. I managed to keep 50% of 2 oz. of pot roast on Friday. That was an improvement. I still lost 4 lbs. I wouldn't mind if I was losing fat, but I'm not. I keep losing muscle mass. Its easier for the body to convert, than stored fat. I worked all winter to build up that muscle. Urrgh! 

I did run some water tests. Other than being hard and alkaline, my water's good. :-) This is me, trying to think about positives. @@ Lets see, other good things: i've just about finished stocking up the household goods for the summer, so my husband won't have to worry about it while I'm gone. I might be able to have my daughter and her family over tomorrow, IF I can recover enough today. The winds blowing, so no one SHOULD spray...  ...   ...   Still thinking...   ...   ...  

I think the coffees ready. I'll try that. See if I can get that in. :-}

Friday, February 6, 2015

Hold Patterns

I'm a doer, and being prevented from doing things is driving me nuts. @@ A week ago, from this past Wednesday, Bellinger had something applied to the evil neighbor's field without notifying me. Again. Thats 4 in a row. I'm still unable to get out. I called the farm manager and he swore it was just fertilizer. I wouldn't have been this sick, if it was "just fertilizer" and I would have been able to get out after only 2 days. I'm not surprised they lied. Its the same lie they've been telling from the beginning (2003). I did find out that Bellinger is under investigation for illegal application some place else, in the county, right now. Meanwhile, I'm sick. I'm imprisoned, and I can't get my work done. Sigh. The last two nights, when my husband has returned from work, I've suffered major reactions, even after he went through decontamination. My reactions point to chlorothalonil and 2,4-D. 

Farming season has begun. My RV was only halfway through recommission, after my last trip, when they applied. I'd been to my father's birthday at the coast. I'm still not sure where I'll be going, so early in the year. But, I need to get the RV restocked, so I'll be ready when my considerate neighbors call.

I've started Dr. Amy Yasko's protocol. Recovery is contiuing slowly. I am too impatient. I want me fixed now! I have been getting more healthy food in slowly. 

This week we finally got my car in for engine replacement. It comes home tomorrow. I had to use medical funds to help pay for it. I won't be able to decontaminate it until I can get out. My husband can't decontaminate it until the outside air is safe for me. Sigh. Frustration.

The evil neighbor's cow broke through our fence this past week, as well. We called them and told them to come get it, and repair the fence. They were both terrified we were going to do to them what they did to us: call the cops on them for trespassing (its what they spitefully did when my husband went over to talk to them years ago), and "livestock at large"... We aren't like that. Mr. Evil sent Mrs. Evil to get the cow. She knocked on my door, shaking visibly. I didn't say anything mean, or rude. I just told her, theough the glass, how to best retrieve her cow. Later, I wished I'd have pointed out the difference between how we treat others and how they do. But it most likely wouldn't have made any difference, anyway. I'm sure when the shoe is on the other foot again, they'll be just like they were before.  I sound jaded... I'm not liking what having this kind of neighbor is doing to me. 

I did find the perfect piece of property. I can't afford it. :-( I've resorted to playing the lottery because I have no other way of getting the money. There are a lot of people doing that, and for the same reasons. I'm not the only one who's hurting and frustrated. I keep thinking of all the people that life has "stuck" right now. I know people who are terrific employees, that apply and interview every day. They can't get jobs. I know others that paid 50% of their income into social security, their whole lives, who are now on disability and living below the poverty line. Their "benefits" don't sustain them, medicare won't pay for the medical care they need, housing won't accommodate... Their environments are killing them. I hear of so many more with equally overwhelming problems. What has happened to us that we're all boxed in so tightly that our only hope is to "play the lottery." That is a sad commentary on our society.

 I keep trying to think of ways to make a positive difference. I post, I sign petitions, I call. I try to be as active as a shut in can. I did find a very active new group to work with...GMO Free USA. They have a large number of informed, active members. Posting with them has been uplifting. :-) i see that we are making a difference there, too. But like my recovery, soooo slooow! I guess, today I'm just venting my frustration. 

I hope your lives are criusing on easy street. God bless you!