Friday, September 18, 2015

And Then It Got Worse

Well, what I thought was a cold, wasn't. I got clued in when water began running out of my nose and filling my lungs. It happened slowly: A trickle, a damp cough. By the end of the day I was coughing up mouthfuls at a time, gasping for breath between them. It was another desparate fight for my life. Of course it lasted for days and cascaded from the initiating problems clear through my damaged immune system and its flawed attempt to cope. By now you probably know the drill... Its been a week. I've barely gotten any food in. Just when I think we're past the worst, another wave comes in. I couldn't get an appointment with Dr. Smith until this coming Tuesday. In the meantime, I just have to deal with it. 

I always write a post visit report concerning my reactions. It helps move us forward to resolve my issues. It was hard this time. I worry about how it will be received. Dr. Stevens has been terrific when I've brought up things that didn't work in the past. Everything he's done has been above and beyond, way beyond. His wife and son (the team) are the same. These are rare, and great people. But I've been thrown out of offices, spit on, cursed at and verbally assaulted for just telling other doctors that I can't take pharmeceiticals. I'm gun shy. I can't stop the apprehension. I tried to write a report that covered what happened, what I thought may be the problem areas, and at the same time express my appreciation and admiration of Dr. Stevens and his staff. They are the best dentist and team I've ever had! But I'm sure they have their own "gun shy" reactions. I realize that in the current climate of lawsuit crazy people, that they've got to have worries about that. I don't want them to worry about that. It isn't relevant. 

I knew going in that there would be times when things wouldn't work out, and would go terribly wrong. There always is. I tell people about it at the outset. I think many of them don't take me seriously, think I'm exaggerating, or a "hypochondriac." No, I've just lived through it before... Even if they do take me seriously, I don't think that they are prepared for how delicate the balance is, or the realities of falling off. Its the difference between watching a show about tornadoes and living through one. I can tell them, but they don't quite get it. Even the people that see the aftermath, still don't get it. 

Its taken years for my husband to "get it." Part of its my fault. I have to protest and complain about so much, to protect myself, that I keep a lot of the reactions to myself. I was worried about my report, and not offending my dentist, so I read it to my husband before I sent it. I wanted Ron to tell me if it came across as accusitory. I'm not accusing anyone. I just wanted to let them know what happened so we don't repeat the things that didn't work.  I could tell Ron was stunned. He'd had no idea what I was going through. He's not here during the day. He leaves at 7:00 a.m.. He gets back at 9:00 p.m. He sleeps at night. I try not to disturb his sleep. How would he know? He doesn't read my blog. He'd been complaing that he's the only one "working around here." I understand how he feels. I'd feel the same way. I feel guilty about not being able to help more. But since I read him the report, he hasn't been complaining... Now he just looks worried sick. I hate that too. :-( :-( :-(

Friday, September 11, 2015

Wrapping up

I didn't share with you in the last post, the number of times I broke down and cried. Me, who never used to cry at all. I'm existing at my breaking point. Too much helplessness. Too much physical, chemical assault. To much pain. Too much isolation. To me, being with my family is the most important thing. Because of how I've been injured, I've been robbed of the ability to be with them except under the most extreme accommodations. I don't get to visit my children's homes, or attend their dinners or parties. I get minimal involvement in their, and my grandkid's lives. My father is dying, and I don't even get to go see him. Its heartbreaking! Being further injured with every chemical application during the growing season, and being forced from my home is a lot like being a war refugee. By the end of the season I'm pretty fragile, both physically and emotionally. I've mentioned my PTSD before. This is the time when its most likely to rear up and overwhelm me like a river in flood. My grief, stress, and fear can careen out of control in a nano-second and for what seems like to an observer, for no apparent reason. I don't have control over it. A sight, sensation smell or even using up my energy reserves, lack of sleep or exhaustion can cause the dam to crumble or crack. I've been struggling since August. 

The night before I came home this last time is a pretty good example. As I lay down to sleep in the reverberating quiet, in the deep darkness where nothing distracts me, the harshness of my reality bludgeons its way into my consciousness. I can no longer hold it at bay. I knew the daunting amount of work I'd have to do when I got home. I bawled in shear exhaustion and despair. I knew just as surely, I didn't have it in me to get it done. Not after the mostly sleepless week I'd spent. I knew the glyphosate would still be present. I knew I'd get additional injuries. I knew that since I haven't been home to do the constant decontamination thats required for me to keep my home safe, that it too would be contaminated. Ron tries but you can't clean what you don't perceive. Then there's the sorting out and picking up the threads of my life that I had to drop when I left. Its always a huge mess. Knowing how bad its going to be is a lot like going to your own execution. Yeah, I bawled. I'm not proud of it, but its part of my reality. Omitting it doesn't give a very clear picture.

I finally fell asleep with the thought that at least I got to go home tomorrow. I tried to focus on the positive. It lasted as long as it took us to get up, have coffee, get stowed and unplugged. About 30 min. My truck battery was dead. Good thing there were no fires. I wouldn't have been unable to broom away! It was 7:00 a.m. and I was dead in the water. Mr. Bill didn't get up until sometime between 9:30 and 10:00. I never saw him before 10:00 anyway. No horn, so I couldn't honk even if I wanted to. What I ended up doing was writing him a note and taking it down to his campsight. I stuck it in his chair and weighed it down with a rock. I figured if I woke him up, he would not be very "helpful." It didn't turn out very well for me as it was. There was so much fragrance that it burned my eyes, skin and mucus membranes. Rosie and I both had to take decontaminating showers (and I changed clothes) when we got back. Eventually Mr. Bill came up and let me know he'd called the Parks Manager, Greg to come jump my battery. We eventually got out of there with strict orders not to turn off the engine until we got home! 

Its taken me until the first part of this week to get everything sorted back out. I've been watching Joey-boy, which I love, even though its physically exhausting.

I had another dental visit this Thursday. We'd had to postpone twice because of spraying. Since my daughter is due with her second child I was concerned I'd have to postpone again. I'll be watching Joey when she goes into the hospital. I felt really terrific on Thursday. I thoroughly enjoyed the 1 hour and 45 minute drive. I was even in a good enough mood to feel like singing. Unfortunately I couldn't remember the words to very many of the thousands of songs I used to know. I had to settle for the first part and the chorus to "Kisses Like Fire" and "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog." After that, the best I could manage was "The Muffin Man." I made up my own words to the tune, since it was so lame. I thought I was doing pretty good, health wise... Unfortunately I was not emotionally prepared for getting more restorations. Somehow I was under the impression this was a follow up cleaning and materials check. It upset me. It shouldn't have, but I was still too near the edge. Then, while Dr. Stevens was taking an x-ray, I had difficulty with dysphagia and choking. I had flashbacks to some of my suffocation events. That triggered the PTSD. There I was, in the chair anxiety attack and raging emotions storming over the walls like the Uraki and Orcs in "The Last Battle." I'm shaking from head to toe on a cellular level (think vibrating) and I'm fighting to remain calm. Then tears start pouring out. Poor Dr. Stevens! I'm sure that was alarming. There I was suddenly crying for "no apparent reason." I had to ask for "a minute" to get it all back under control. I hate it when that happens, but I can't help it. Its humiliating.

Anyway, I had another gum line (and below) cavity, that I'd felt developing all summer, filled. My one really bad one from last year re-abcessed. Since I'd developed several boils (skin abscesses?) over the summer and several since I got back, I'm not at all surprised. Its got Dr. Stevens worried though. He worked on that filling a bit. He felt, since there was so much blood last time that perhaps it had gotten moisture in there. This time he used a different method that didn't include cutting. I'm not sure that its an infection, per se. What I've noticed with my damaged systems is that I have developed pathways for the congested lymph to get out. I will get boils in the same places: Behind my right ear lobe, At the top of my left ear, At the same places at the back of my skull, and shoulders, etc. It fits with the research that I've read on lymph capillary/node damage and function. So I'm thinking since there was so much damage to the lymph ducts last year, coupled with my lymphadenopathy, that this may just be a similar expression of excessive lymph congestion localized in that area. But I will make an appointment to get a C drip with Dr. Smith to help it clear. I wasn't aware it was flared up. It feels so much better that it did last year, I didn't even notice. Dr. Stevens told me I have a few more cavities. I made another appointment. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it. He'd focused on the major ones last year, so now he's working on the "smaller" ones. Though when I asked to clarify that they were just "small" the eyerolling look I got said, "smaller!" Bummer. I was hoping that was all. I got a better score on my overall condition, though not where either of us wants it yet. Its really going to be tough to get my overall health back up to a level where I don't have to work as hard to keep my teeth and gums healthy. I'm not there yet. :-( 

I took a wild detour on the way home. I was trying to go by the health food store and took the wrong exit. I was "misplaced' for about 30 min. Not lost, but not where I wanted to be. I finally got home, weary to the bone. I did nothing but rinse with salt water and take it easy the rest of the day. 

I woke up with a sinus infection and a cold. Over did it yesterday. Always on the edge. Phphphphhhhhht! :-p (raspberry)

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Smokey Mountain Air

Monday, 8/17/15

We had to evacuate again. That's better than the unannounced exposures that have been going on since I got back in June. The County Vector Control found a bunch of mosquitos that were positive for West Nile Virus, just up the road from me. He gave me a call 4 days in advance, which I truly appreciate. I had plenty of time to get organized and loaded. They spray in the evening so I didn't have to bust out of there at the crack of dawn. I left it too late though. It was so warm the RV heated up pretty bad enroute. Normally, I can't run the cab air in the ag zone. It draws air from the outside. Its so smokey, I can't run it at all. We used the new Heat Pump to cool the RV once we got here and set up. It worked well and was so much quieter than the old AC. Its still loud but its the sound of rushing air.  
:-)

There are wild fires burning all over the Pacific Northwest, so the whole state is blanketed in smokey haze. Its heavier up here at Anson-Wright, but still better for me than down in the valley. Around my home there's so much pesticide trapped in by the smoke that my mucus membranes burn whenever I go outside or someone opens a door. Its smokey here, but at least it doesn't burn.

Rosie and I are the only ones up here for the week. Being the only people is both good and bad. No one to poison me, but so very lonely and desolate. There aren't even any birds. Birds are very sensitive to air pollution, so the smoke has driven them away. Somehow that makes it worse. We've been out on several short walks. The haze thins in the afternoon. The forest is crispy dry. It sounded like walking on cereal flakes. On our last walk of the day there were two deer in the meadow below us. They were a bright yellow gold, like winter tamaracks. I knew deer changed color over the year, but I'd never seen it this dramatic. There was a deer in a field on the drive up that was the same color. 


Tuesday, 8/18/15

I slept in 'till 9:00. I hadn't turned on any heat so it was very cold in the night. I had regurg trouble and didn't sleep well. The haze had returned this morning. Rosie and I had a nice morning walk. I was just getting a pot of coffee on when the camp host, Mr. Bill, came up to see me. He couldn't hear me through the glass, so I had to write notes on my ipad. Ron had called. Apparently there's more spraying to be done on Friday. I don't know who or what. Mr. Bill was going to call Ron back and get specifics. And here I'd thought it was going to be a short stay. I'm supposed to put together a grocery list for additional supplies. Thats hard to do at the beginning of the week, and when I don't know how long I'll be up here. 

I was looking at the next step in my solar panel project, but I think I'll need to make a slight detour and do a couple of other small projects first. I need a cell range booster and a wifi booster. I have reception for neither here. I don't think the boosters would do me any good at this location, but they would at Cutsforth or the OHV in the winter. I'm tucked into a draw here. Not at the bottom, but snug against the side of the hill, and back in the trees, too. Regardless, I won't be making any progress on those projects, while I'm up here. Even the little ones. I need to finish my internet research for the boosters. I'm in the middle of looking at the WifiRanger, it clamps onto the TV antennae, so it can be raised and lowered. Its got a range of 2 miles. I haven't narrowed down the cellphone booster list yet. 

The solar project was at: remove LP tank. Thats definitely something to hire done, or have Ron do. While I'm having that done I'll need to get rid of gas lines to the fridge, furnace and stove. Then it diverges to another project, I can take out the stove and furnace and rebuild the counter and cupboard... Once the LP tank is gone, I need to build the battery bank bay there. Or, since I should consider weight distribution, should I build a sealed battery bank where the furnace is, that's accessed through the exterior furnace vent panel? Or perhaps install a chest freezer under the bench seat? Lots of factors to consider...

Anyway, at least I brought my carding and spinning project. I'm working on the wool for the blanket for my RV bed. I'm at the carding stage. I'll be here awhile. Hopefully I can get a lot of it done. Good thing I brought lots of movies. Carding is mindless. I'm also crocheting a new pair of slippers out of home spun. I made a beautiful pair with dark teal mercerized cotton last time. I had no idea the process for mercerizing was toxic. Who knew!? I can't even wear them. The chemical absorbs through the soles of my feet and I'm crippled in one day! It makes me wonder about all those other people with swollen ankles and painful feet. Could it be the nasty synthetic materials of their slippers, shoes and socks and no one's connected the dots? I know I can't wear that stuff. 

Mr. Bill came back for my grocery list (I'd left it on the picnic table) and to let me know Ron would most likely be here tomorrow. 

I spent the rest of the day alternating between reading, hiking, crocheting and watching movies. Its 8:00p.m. and still 70°. I'll set the heat pump to come on at 63° for when it gets so cold at night. Hopefully I'll sleep better. 


Wednesday, 8/19/15

I slept a few hours. It was too hot the first part of the night. Then I woke up in the middle of the early morning hours, waiting to see what would happen when the Heat Pump came on. I was worried about it being toxic on this other setting. I could smell a little bit of new, hot coil. I'm hoping my reactions won't be too bad. My mucus membranes are burning again. Everything else seems o.k. so far. The Heat Pump did keep the RV at a very even temperature. It was loud enough to wake me when it cycled on. I hope I get used to that.

It was clearer when we went out this morning. It wasn't very long until two semi-s came down the highway and slowed for the turn off. They didn't slow much and rode the gravel shoulder for the first 1/4 mile. Its hazy again, but its dust. I came back in from our walk sneezing, with a runny nose.

I've been thinking about some Youtube videos I watched while researching wifi extenders last weekend. I got distracted by solar panels. :-} heh, heh.  They were from a professional series called, "Gone With the Wynns." I must confess to a bit of jealousy. Their much newer, luxurious motorhome (40'+ diesel pusher, class A) with all the bells and whistles certainly made RVing look so easy. And when they did an upgrade, like adding solar panels, they had all that tech support, and didn't have to worry about toxins. I'm guessing they got really good deals on the equipment, since each upgrade episode amounted to an infomercial. The Wynns were a young 20 something couple, slim, attractive, full of health and vitality. So "not me." It made it hard to relate to them. If they were doing a video series on me (old, disabled) and my RV (30' 1998 class C Georgie Boy) they'd have to call it, "Gone with Grandma" or just plain "Gone." Don't get me wrong, I love my motorhome, but Rosie, my Hamster Ball and I are nothing like the Wynns and their luxury RV. The info was helpful, like when they reviewed their flexible, flat solar panels at a year, but I just can't relate to the couple. I'm guessing the funding group is trying to promote RVing to a younger audience. Or maybe they don't think anyone would watch an older couple... The reality is, its mostly retirees and middle-agers that live the RVers life. Most younger people I do see have campers, pull behinds and 5th wheels. When I got it all sorted out, I realized I was jealous of the ease of their life. I so long to not be disabled, and to not have to do everything I have to, just to preserve my life and hack out one step forward. The reality is, I don't live in an RV because I want to. I don't enjoy a nomadic lifestyle. I live in an RV because its the best solution to some of my problems at this time. 

I dumped the waste water in the morning. I had to take a wasp nest out of the furnace exhaust first. It was right above the bin with the sewer hose. I used a squirter bottle with water, alcohol and a tiny amount of detergent, my general purpose cleaner. It incapacitated the wasp. I only saw one. He fell down and I stepped on him. Then I dug the nest out with a stick. No heroics. No danger. Just done. 

I spent the rest of the time between walks working on my slippers. I'm writing the pattern as I go along. I've completed 2 soles, and the back of the upper of one slipper forward as far as the arch on both sides.

Meals have been pretty basic. Breakfast is coffee. Lunch is homemade yogurt and vitamins. For dinner, I've been working on a pint of broccoli since I got here. I've been eating a cup of broccoli cheese soup every afternoon. I finished it today. Its staying down pretty good now.

I got so bored I read the spec manual on my RV. I have a PDF copy. I found a great little nugget of info, if I run it on A/C Max it recircs the inside air. No outside air! No more sweltering road trips! Yeah!


Thursday, 8/20/15

Ron came around 8:00 last night. Its a busy week for him. He has meetings out of town today and then has to run down to the valley, to work on the duplex. He brought news about the fires. One of the places I looked at buying last year burned to the ground. I felt bad for the girl that bought the place. They lost 9 homes in that fire. It burned 97,000 acres. In the fire by John Day they've lost over 30 homes. Apparently the fires are all still burning. The smoke has cleared out of this area because of a barometric pressure ridge. No rain in the forecast. 

It was the "new guy" farming right across the road from the house, who sprayed glyphosate. He did give us 2 days notice. He called Ron Monday. He had it scheduled for yesterday morning, and they got it done. It'll be a week from Saturday before I can go home. 

I slept better last night. I waited until 10:30 to switch from cool to heat. The heat pump did wake me at 4:00 a.m. Its loud. I'm still smelling a tiny bit of "hot new coil." It got me sneezing and my nose running. I might go back to the space heater for the nights until I can run it while I'm not in here and break it in. 

I had dogfood coming by UPS, but it didn't get here in time for Ron to bring it up. I did have Ron bring extra burger for Rosie. She's quite pleased about it. She's insisting she needs bigger servings. LOL, I'm keeping them smaller to start, and more frequent, so she doesn't get diarrhea. The last thing I want is to be awakened at 2:00 a.m. with a desperate, cold, boogie nose shoved in my eye by an imminently explosive dog.

I had Ron bring up the rest of the Roofguard, with the groceries. I noticed some low spots I want to level out. I'm waiting for it to warm up so I can work up there. 

10:48 a.m.

I got my roof work done. I think I'll put another coat on in three days. I also got in a shower, and another walk. Since I showered, I'll have to fill the fresh water. That Wynn lady said she "has to have her shower everyday." They were boondocking. Where does she get the water? Her poor husband must spend a lot of time filling the fresh and emptying the gray water tank. I've read that lots of RVers just let the grey run out on the ground. If they use toxic personal care products, eeewww! That would contaminate the groundwater. Not nice. They actually never mentioned those kind of things in the video. That's one of the reasons I think its promoting RVing. They leave out the "chores and maintenance." Here's just my small item maintenance list. I have a project list and a list for Ron (its either toxic or takes big muscles).

My To Do List

Clean shower drain
Fix leaky kitchen faucet
Oil fan blades on HP
Fill old paper towel rack's screw holes
Level front corners and left rear corner of roof with roofguard
Put connection sleeves into sewer hose and screw band them
Figure out Wifi and cell boosters
Figure out where, and mount the TV
Hook up indicator light on water heater switch. 

I add to it continually.

9:46 p.m. I finished one slipper, then spent the rest of the day carding wool and watching the original BBC Chronicals of Narnia. Love the guy in the beaver suit, LOL every time. 

Friday, 8/21/15

I slept wonderfully! I did switch to the space heater. I didn't even wake up until after 8:00 a.m.. There are clouds in the sky this morning. I'm praying for rain. The birds are back. I noticed a pine jay and 2 nuthatches yesterday evening. They were the first we'd seen. This morning the camp is teaming with robins, jays, chickadees and the like. They are zipping through the air, running along the ground, squabbling over bits of "treasure." I didn't realize how much I missed them until they were back. The world is much more joyous with birds in it. 


The chore for today is filling the fresh water and filtering some drinking water. I might even tackle cleaning the bathtub drain. I probably need a washer for the kitchen sink, so I'll wait on it. 

I'm back in from doing the fresh water. I did the floors while I was at it, tracked in mess you know. Then realized I needed to add to my list: Crochet 3 more 1/2 gal water jar "no clink covers." And why not do some for the quarts? And then why not for the food jars with windows so I can see what it is and if it needs replacing (cocoa, oats, etc.). I keep them in glass because of mice... Anyway, you can see how my list keeps growing. :-}

Well, I worked on crocheting for a little while, its something to do while resting, then tackled the bath drain. Ugh. There was still Sonia hair in there from when she'd have diarrhea in the night and I'd wash her up in the tub, all those years ago. No poo, but the hair didn't dissolve or go down the drain. There was some of my hair too. I need to add a hair strainer to my shopping list. It took me 45 min. digging around in the drain with a thin crochet hook to get it all out. Good thing I travel with a full compliment of sizes. 

I had to rest/crochet some more, then followed up the bathtub cleaning with washing Rosie's sani-belt (she's finally quit spotting), and some clothes for me. Separately, of course. Not like its exciting or anything, just the daily living in an RV. I like to keep everything "topped off" in case someone else comes, and we get restricted to mostly staying inside, especially over the weekend.

The clouds blew away without dropping any rain here. Hopefully they unloaded in one of the fire areas.  Its cooler today. Rosie and I went out for another walk before I finally had my yogurt and vitamins. My stomach's been unsettled since yesterday afternoon. I tried some beef vegetable soup that I had in the freezer. Unfortunately it was the batch that I'd added savory too. I think savory makes me regurg. It happened the last time I ate it, too.  Rosie, however, is thrilled. She's getting beef/veg soup with her raw burger, yogurt and kibble. 

More crocheting this afternoon. I made all 3 of the 1/2 gal sleeves I needed. Thats done. One more thing off my list. I'm out of yarn so no quart sleeves until I can raid my stash (at home) for scraps. I had carrot soup for supper. No problems. Its 6:00 p.m. And so far, no other guests. Of course they could still show up, but so far, so good. I have all the windows and vents open to catch the breezes and air it out in here. Since it was still early and I didn't feel like starting that other slipper, Rosie and I went out and duct taped (white) the furnace exhaust that the wasp was building a nest in. Once a wasp starts a nest it becomes attractive to other wasps. I don't want to be not paying attention and get stung by a new resident.  

7:30 p.m. Freedom is over. Rosie and I were out walking and singing when a camper drove in. I have no idea why but with all the other vacant spots in the campground he had to pick a spot 3 away from me. Bummer. I never know wether they will be toxic, or not, considerate or not, and my anxiety level ratchets up considerably. I always hope they're nice and non-toxic, or at least only stay till Sunday...

Saturday, 8/22/15

We got up at 6:30 a.m. so I could potty Rosie with the least amount of exposure. I put on a different set of clothes, and wore a mask, in case it was contaminated outside.  It was. It smelled like petroleum products. Dirty motor oil or oil based paint and thinners, sort of. They're probably using LP. Anyway, my mucus membranes are burning. My throat is raw. I put out my cones while we were out, too. I should have done it yesterday before anyone came. I changed clothes when I came back inside and bagged them up. I'm running the UV purifier. There's no breeze this morning.

Rosie enjoyed her burger and veggie soup breakfast. I'm enjoying my coffee. I had a little regurg trouble when I came back in. I was afraid my coffee wouldn't stay down. I did a little coconut oil pulling first. That helped. So far I'm keeping my coffee in just fine. Now I need to pick an activity so the incarceration doesn't drag. 

9:51 a.m.
The smoke has come back. It wasn't very bad when we went out but its come back now. The air is thick with it. I can't even see the hillside across the canyon. I can smell the smoke even with the RV closed up and the purifiers running. The other campers got in their truck and drove off somewhere leaving their camper behind. 

11:00 a.m.
The smoke seems heavier than before. I took a pic but it doesn't show how bad it really is. The camera filters automatically cleaned up the image. Its hard not having outside information. I don't know how far away the fire is. I stowed everything, just in case.  Its getting hard to breathe. I have asthma, and its giving me trouble. I'm wishing I hadn't put out those cones, in case I have to leave to find someplace less smokey. I don't know if its the same over the rest of the state, and I don't know where I could go. The whole Pacific Northwest (Washington, Oregon, Idaho, has fires). Fires are burning in California, Canada and Alaska, too. 

11:25 a.m 
The wind has come up a bit. I listened to the NOA weather forecast over my CB. It was pretty scratchy. I could make out that there were "areas of smoke" all over, even in town and lower elevations. I couldn't tell what he said about the winds except they switched to the N or NE in the afternoon. I tried hooking up the TV, with the antennae up. Nothing. I tried the regular radio. All I got was one FM station of oldies Christian music. I'm wearing my VOC mask inside. Its helping a little. The campground is still sepia toned through the haze of smoke. Ron said something about the weather going to be bad this weekend, with higher winds. This must be what he meant. Its not helping the fire fighters and its blowing a lot of smoke this way. 

12:15 p.m.
My wind indicators, the black tree hair lichen, are beginning to shift directions in fitful little bursts.

Well, the wind switching eventually made it more smokey. Sigh. It doesn't seem to bother the other campers. They came back, and another group came in, just as I was trying to sneak Rosie out for a potty break. We had to abort, but they seem to be having a good time. The kids are running around playing. I guess it works out. We have to stay in because of the smoke, anyway. 

5:00 p.m. I managed to sneak Rosie out during a small lull in the smoke, and put away my cones. The kids seem to be very nice and left us well alone. I've had kids run over and want to pet Rosie before, so I was apprehensive. We went through the "outside clothes procedure." As the evening wore on it seemed to be getting even worse. One good thing, the smoke seems to be blocking the petroleum smell. Or maybe its the wind blowing it away. Another benefit seems to be that there is so much smoke, there are no mosquitos, so no deet. I'd rather have smokey air than pesticided air.

I decided to work on that second slipper while watching "The Hobbit, part one," and dang! if I didn't break my crochet hook!

Sunday, 8/23/15

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. Coughing and choking up snot and fluid from my lungs (asthma), and overheating with "detox." I could smell smoke inside again. Yes, both air purifiers and the heater/filter are running. I looked out the window and the nearby camper's porch light was barely discernible through the thick smoke. The night before I'd thought that light was annoyingly bright. The asthma set off my regurg so I was up for most of the rest of the night. It was a good opportunity to spend time in prayer. I went ahead and got up once it was light out, around 6:00. I put on my outside clothes and mask and took Rosie out. It was much, much clearer this morning. I was and am relieved! 

I'm hoping this means the firefighters got some of the fires out! Praise God! Ron fought forest fire for the state for 9 years when he was young. I met him during that time. It was hard, dangerous work. My father-in-law also fought fires for the feds. One time a wall of flames sprung up around his crew, suddenly cutting them off. They nearly died. It is very dangerous, and courageous work. My prayers are with the fire crews. If they got even some of the fires out, I'd be so pleased. 

Rosie and I also saw the yellow doe and her two fawns while we were out. I'm tired and shakey from wrestling my particular demons in the night. I'm drinking coffee and will probably take a nap.

I dug around in my craft supplies and found another size D hook, yeah! Oh, bummer! Its a different size. It says its a D, but its bigger. :-(  Its from a different company. 

A cow and her 2 year old calf wandered by headed down hill. They got out of their fence. I hollered at the guy in the camper, who was headed t'ward the office, to tell the camp host about them. It would be bad if they wandered out on the highway. Those campers left before 10:00. The day continued with just a light haze of smoke.

I spent the day working on making a vent diffuser for the main A/C vent in the galley. It freezes you if you stand under it, and not much air goes out the other ceiling vents. The kitchen's so small that if you're in there, you are directly under the vent. It took me until about 2:00 p.m. to get it right. With a good deal of effort, my wrist was sore from crocheting, and the cover wouldn't go back on, I got it installed and all put back together. Then I saw the cow and her calf wandering back up the hill. Apparently my message didn't get to Mr. Bill. I took Rosie out and followed them up the road behind the campground. I figured someone had left the gate open or the cow and her calf had knocked it down. Only when we got up there it was closed. Hmmm. They must have busted out somewhere else. The cows ran off along fence on the top of the hill, t'ward the entrance and Rosie and I went back down the road. I didn't feel up to clambering through thickets, and that would only spook the cows further. Now I had a problem. Mr. Bill is hard of hearing. If I honk, he may not hear me. I decided to try to see how close to the main office I could get. We passed the cow and her calf again. They'd dropped down the hill into the campground and were grazing next to one of the picnic tables. We stopped on the knoll above the office and spent several minutes whistling, and hollering to get Mr. Bill's attention. He came around to the bottom of the hill were he could see us and I pointed out the escapees. He immediately recognized the problem. The campground sits right off the narrow curving old highway. The gate is open right onto it. Big rigs and RVs doing 55 mph wouldn't be able to stop in time. Hitting a cow can total a rig and kill people in smaller vehicles. Rosie and I went back to our RV. :-) Mr. Bill went to notify the rancher, then keep the cow away from the entrance until they arrived. 15 minutes later I saw Mr. Bill drive around to this side of the cows to prevent them from eluding the ranchers.  In a few more minutes he continued over the hill. Problem solved.

I made pumpkin custard. Rosie and I are back on our walking schedule, without having to change clothes. It has been a much better day. The evening is closing in and there still isn't much smoke. Much better.

Monday, 8/24/15

Ah, a lovely nights sleep! I didn't get up till 8:15. The haze is the same this morning as it was last night. After my coffee and meds I'm planning on putting on the last coat of Roofguard. 

As I'm sitting here drinking my coffee it seems as though the haziness is increasing. There isn't much wind. That might be why I'm seeing more smoke. Looks like I'll wait on the Roofguard. Change of plans. Today will be about carding and spinning. 

1:30 p.m.
Mr. Bill came up to get my list. He said Ron called, someone else sprayed. It will be another week. Then he said he'd come back for an updated list. Realistically, it will be another 10 days. I am dismayed. 

Mr. Bill told me I could leave my garbage out on the picnic table and he'd throw it away for me.  Rosie and I went out and picked up the trash we'd noticed on our walks. Chunks of plastic, cigarette butts, string, rope, old bandaids, junk like that.  Mr. Bill must have spotted the duct tape because it was gone.  He came back, cleaned up the trash out of the fire pits, told me when Ron would be coming, and took my updated list and the trash away. I'm grieving. Its hard enough being forced to leave my home, its worse when I'm forced to stay away longer. The loneliness is horrible. 

Tuesday, 8/25/15

Another morning. A little less haze. I'll wait until 9:30 or 10:00 to decide about the roof. Yesterday afternoon turned out quite nice. There still was a little bit of haze, though. I can't do the roof in the evening. It needs to stay above 50°F for 6-8 hours to set up. But there were lots of birds. This area must be the least hazy, so they are migrating here.

In the night something came down by the campground. Rosie got me up. She wanted out.  I thought she had to go potty so I just ran her out the door on her lead. I smelled something weird. I couldn't quite place it. Kind of like aloe vera and watermelon. It was plant based, not synthetic. Rosie wasn't alarmed, just checking it out. She was staring and sniffing, nose up, t'word the road to the gate above the camp. She reeked of it when she came back in. It wasn't immediately harmful, but I was up with mild detox at 3:00 a.m. 

We found a few more bits of junk on the ground when we went for our walks: a red WD-40 tube, some duct tape, some bits of electrical wire, some plastic packaging. I put them in fire pit 2. A bunch of those cigarette butts I found yesterday had lipstick on them. It seems incongruous to me to be out in the forest, wearing bright red lipstick, and smoking like a fiend.  Just sayin'.

10:54 a.m.
It continued only lightly hazy so I suited up in my roof clothes, gathered my tools and supplies and clambered up. Hmmm, that sounds too agile. It was more like hoisted myself onto the first step, pockets bulging with supplies, coveralls resisting all movement, and drug myself topside. I suppose I should have taken my medicines first but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. When I got up there I was extremely pleased to see how well the first application had cured. I'd put it on really thick and was expecting some deep cracking. That's why I've been anxious about getting back up there. Only there wasn't any! I'm really pleased and impressed with this product! I put on another layer. It only took about 10 minutes, then I came back in and took my shower. :-) That always makes me happy. Though it used a third of my fresh water, and both the black and grey are in the red. I'll have to dump and fill again. That will be this afternoon, or tomorrow morning. I put my dirty clothes in the sink, in soapy water to soak, started my meds and Rosie and I took a walk. Then we came back in, I finished my meds with yogurt and laid down for a nap. No thrills, just marking the time.

1:40 p.m.
Whew! I'm pooped. I filled the drinking water jars, then the fresh water tank. I put away the hose and filters. Then I emptied the sewer tanks, cleaned the sewer drain hose and put it away. Rosie kept me company, lying in pine needles and those sticky little hulls.  Before I could take her back inside she needed to be brushed out. With that done we returned to the coach and I began putting it back together. The drinking water is stored under one of the dinette benches. I had had all the cushions and decking up to access it. It makes the RV looked trashed. I put the filled water jars back in their carriers and returned the decking and cushions. Next, the coach needed a good sweeping. I finished up with rinsing out and hanging my laundry in the shower, and lastly, putting enzymes in the tanks. Time for another nap. Chores may be boring to read about but they are an excellent remedy for actual boredom and loneliness. :-} I must be improving. I got it all done in one day. 

The weather is clear and hardly any haze at all. There is a nice breeze blowing. I have clean air to breathe. I'm safe, cool during the day and warm at night. I have food, water and bathroom facilities. I have clothes to wear, things to do and DVDs to watch. And I have Rosie for company. I'm pretty blessed.

Disabled old ladies should not run. Rosie and I were out walking around and heard gravel crunching on the entrance drive behind us. I looked back and a white truck with a flat bed was headed our way. I ran for the safety of the RV. It took me 10 minutes to stop huffing and puffing. Well, there was a little excitement.@@

I got a nice surprise! Ron had a meeting up in Heppner, so he came on up to see me. We had a nice visit. He double checked my list. He'll be back tomorrow. He warned me they had thunderstorms and lightening strikes last night at home and above Heppner. Six fires were touched off above Heppner, 3 around home. He said, "If there's any thunder storms, stay up and watch for fires and get out if there's a strike. No one is watching for them at night. They're moving really fast because its so dry." He said if I even see any sign of fire drive off and drag my electrical plug behind. Great. @@ I'll probably just unhook at night and plug back in in the mornings. I'd be afraid I'd spark another fire if I drove off with it plugged in. 

Wednesday, 8/26/15

Last night I checked the evening sky, not a cloud in sight. I didn't unplug. I did put up all the awnings and stow everything just in case a storm came up in the middle of the night. I turned off all the purifiers, so I could hear any storms before they got close, and took the vent cushion out, so I'd wake up if there were any flashes. There weren't. I did periodically crack one eye open to check, too. Weather wise it was a peaceful night.

Dream wise, totally different. I had nightmares all night about my getting hurt from exposures and collapsing. I couldn't breathe and was hemorrhaging because of endocrine disrupting chemicals. I was calling for help, and everyone was just walking by ignoring me. PTSD. Must have been brought on by anxiety. 

10:00 a.m.
Its a deer day. It started with seeing the doe and her fawns in the meadow down below. Then later they circled around and came up the road to our part of the park. They found a nice spot to sun themselves on the slope, next to a thicket right out in front of the RV. A fourth deer, bigger than the doe, but I didn't see any horns, walked right by our picnic table. Well, until Rosie saw him and hit the glass barking. The doe and the fawns didn't appear concerned with Rosie's theatrics. They continued sunning themselves. When Rosie and I went out for our walk they trotted up the hill. 

3:00 p.m.
I watched DVDs, did some spinning and cleaned the windows and back splashes. I sterilized the glass jars for 1/2 n 1/2, that Ron will be bringing, and Rosie and I went out on several walks. 

5:00 p.m. 
Rosie spotted the deer again, creeping through the timber and circling around behind us.

6:30 p.m.
Ron arrived and brought supplies. He washed up and changed clothes so Rosie and I could visit with him while he ate. He told me there was a stock market crash. 1000 points. He shared the news of our kids and friends. We walked around the campground and visited some more. He also told me that there aren't any reservations for the next week, until the following Thursday. I'll get out of here next Wednesday, so that should be good. He also told me that Mr. Bill was annoyed that he had to relay messages. He told Ron to get me a Sat phone. SMH, it wouldn't work in this location anyway. Ron left around 8:30 p.m. 

Thursday, 8/27/15

We passed a quiet night. It is a little more hazy this morning. We heard a strange screechy noise when we went out so Rosie could potty. A deer ran from where the sound came from and up the hill, then stopped. I would have thought cougar, except the deer stopped running, and the sound wasn't quite right. So what was it? I don't think deer make that kind of noise. It was somewhat like a hawk screech, but not quite. Then I smelled urine, but I don't know which kind. A mystery!

I saw the doe and her fawns running for all they were worth. I started searching for the reason. Two horseman are coming! They are driving that cow and calf pair. I don't know if they had had her penned up, or if she came through the fence again. The cow and her calf went up the hill. One cowboy went up the hill after her, the other stopped right behind our camper. In a little while the cow and calf came back down. The horseman behind us followed them down the hill. There is a gate down below. The cowboy that went up the hill did not come back down. It could be that the screech we heard was the sound of the barbed wire gate. A horseman could have been up there checking the gate before they drove the cows. He could have let himself through. I heard 2 separate screeches. One to open, one to close? Then he could have ridden around by the road to the other end of the camp, and with the other guy, drove the cows back this way. The horseman that went down the road, came back and rode out of the campground. Several minutes later I saw their truck and livestock trailer leave. Mystery solved and a little morning entertainment. :-)

10:00 a.m.
When we went out for our walk we heard the hooting of hunters signaling in the woods. They are scouting for bow season. It begins in a week. Unless the Governor accedes to the petition to delay it a month due to the fire danger. Baker County Commissioners submitted a request.  

I've gotten one project completed with the supplies Ron brought. I screwed the hook side of the velcro to the rim of the cutout above the cab. Its for the privacy curtain. I'd used industrial strength adhesive velcro, but it didn't hold.  I screwed in each end of the 4 evenly spaced strips I'd added. The four circles that were there already weren't enough. I used safe caulk as glue, to reinforce it. I've duct taped it until it dries. I also filled those screw holes where the paper towel rack used to be. When the caulk sets up, I'll color it with art pencils to blend in, then seal it. Ron brought me a new size D crochet hook. I guess I'll work on that for awhile. 

We went out for our afternoon walk and jumped the deer out of their beds again. They ran up the hill to the road. They stopped on the edge of the road to watch us as we meandered around our section of the park. When we were making our way back to the RV, past their favorite bedding place I herd that screechy sound again. Twice. I looked up to see the deer moving quickly up the upper slope. I'm trying to see if anyone comes down then hill, like through the gate or not. If not, could deer possibly make that noise?! That will be one to ask Ron... (No one ever did.)

There are a few clouds and its getting a little muggy. Its looking hazy again. Hoping for rain, not thunderstorms. I finished the other slipper.

All the clouds cleared off by 8:00 p.m. I made my preparations, just in case, and went to bed.  Suddenly I was awoken by a loud rumbling and the dog barking like crazy (If you missed when I fell asleep, I did too).  It took me a moment or two to realize it was a desiel engine. I peeked out the window. Make that 2 trucks, one pulling a camper. They fussed and carried on, picking a spot, and setting up for a good half hour. It was 10:30 p.m. Quiet settled in but Rosie and I found it hard to get back to sleep.

Friday, 8/28/15

We got up early to get out side safely. I needed to fill the drinking water jars before the weekend, too. I was surprised to see the new neighbors were up and having coffee around their patio table before Rosie was done with her business. I couldn't smell them so I'm hopeful this will be a good weekend. It's an elderly couple, 70s I'd guess, and a 50 something man. Since they set up their own wrought iron patio table I'm guessing they're going to be here awhile.

Its cloudy this morning. High solid grey clouds. There is a hint of moisture in the air, teasing us with possibilities of rain. I've been praying for it, as I'm sure many others have. It would be glorious if God answered our prayers and bathed this dry land with rain. 

5:16 p.m.
It stayed cloudy all day, but no rain yet. A second camper pulled in a short time ago. They're down by the restrooms. I worked on the second of a pair of cotton split toe socks that I was making last winter. Its knitted on size 0 needles and uses cotton thread. When they started applying last winter I lost vision and coordination so I hadn't been able to work on it. I was almost finished with it. Today I realized I'd messed up last winter and had to rip it back to the heel. O' well.

Another camper just arrived. He drove up here, then down by the meadow, the out past the restrooms. He may not have stayed.

On our last trip outside for the evening the campers by the meadow used something toxic. Its giving me problems. :-(

Saturday, 8/29/15

It was another sleepless night. Whatever it was they used, it felt like I was being bitten by ants and they were crawling all over me with their scratchy, itchy feet. I went to bed with a pituitary headache that felt like a bad head butt. My eyes burned and grated like they were full of sand. My mucus membranes are burning. My scalp,and back exuded gravel all night long. 

Another truck arriving roused us up around 10:00 p.m.. It joined the group by the meadow. At 4:00 a.m. I was awakened by what sounded like a brief rain shower. Just a smattering. Though when I finally gave up and got out of bed, that torturous rack, it was just a shower of pine needles. The wind is blowing about 20 knots, warm and dry, and needles, cones and twigs are falling. I also discovered I was definitely experiencing visual disturbances.  So, 6:00 a.m., dog pottied, coffee drunk, and eyes feeling like they've been cheese grated, I'm up and watching promising looking rainclouds racing by.

11:00 a.m.
I colored the patched screw holes. Who would have thought that colored pencils are toxic? Not me. Wrong again. 

4:15 p.m.
That was a hard lesson! Have you ever watched those cascading domino stunts? That's what running out of glutathione is like for me. I feel the symptoms rise and it turns into a cascading series of very bad system failures. I have to recognize that I'm having one and do something about it in time to stop the cascade. Its horrifying. My body is collapsing and I have to fight it and do the right thing. I don't always know what that is. I tried several things that should have worked, and then ended up giving myself a shot of IV glutathione. Never easy, worse when you're collapsing. Its scary too, because there's nobody but me to save me. I'm still feeling sick and exhausted. Next I'll shower and wash the dog...

6:45 p.m.
You know how I've told you before that the more exposures I get the more sensitive I get? Well for the last couple of days I keep smelling whiffs of WD-40.  I just thought it was the HP, breaking in, etc. Well, I got to the extreme sensitivity stage and I could really smell it. I tracked it down to the window well next to where I sit! The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is it is probably from a previous owner and got reactivated when I cleaned the window wells with alcohol so vigorously a few days ago! @@ I've said before how extremely frustrating it is to have this condition. The harder I work to get ahead the more it bites me in the ass! SMH


Sunday, 8/30/15

A good night's sleep! Ahhhhhh. I was going to get up early and do water, but I was feeling so good, I couldn't make myself. It turned out o.k.. The neighbors slept in too. It smelled like rain when I went out, even though we didn't get any. Since the humidity is up, the forest floor isn't crunchy anymore. Another beautiful cloudy day. I forgot to say that during all the trauma yesterday I looked out to see great big thunderheads in the sky. "O' great!" I thought. The last thing I felt capable of dealing with in that moment was a lightening strike.
The storm didn't break, thank God! 

We got the waters done. I'm still trying to clean off remnants of WD-40. I smeared it with dishsoap and left it for awhile. I've cleaned it again with alcohol, several times. I'll keep at it until all I can smell is glass and wood. I still have that window well sealed with duct tape. I won't open it up until I get home, and can really give it a thorough cleaning, and not have to live in it!

I did the floors, and this time washed them. I'd just sat down for a rest when Rosie said she needed to go out. We put on our jackets and opened the door to RAIN! Yes, real rain. Soft and sprinkling. The smell was heavenly. Each raindrop landing on thirsty ground sent up a tiny bit of dust. The mixed rain and dust smell was worthy of rejoicing. We took our time, enjoying the gentle shower, and thanking God for answered prayer. A great way to spend a Sunday. The neighbors probably thought I was nuts. Rosie, from their oerspectivd, is just the hapless companion of a nutty woman. ;-) The shower is so light, you can't even tell its raining from the inside of the RV. Its falling straight down so it hadn't even hit the windows. We couldn't even hear it on the roof. Its picking up now.  I hope it continues thru out the day.  

1:13 p.m. 
The neighbors left. Mr. Bill came up from the office and reminded them that check out time was 11:00. They finally managed it at a quarter till 1:00. As they were saying their goodbyes I finally saw the people who were in the last truck. A younger man (30s) and a woman.  Rosie and I waited for their fumes to dissipate and then went out for a lovely walk. We left the door open to air out the RV thoroughly. When we got back inside, I took another shower and lathered up my hair real good, incase it was holding WD-40 stink.

8:00 p.m
We spent the rest of the day taking walks, watching Monk episodes and I worked on the split toe sock. 

Monday, 8/31/15
Another good nights sleep, :-) though I woke with a headache. This morning dawned crisp and clear, with only a few scattered clouds. Rosie kept her first outside trip short. She was anxious to get back inside for her breakfast. Sadly, her burger hasn't thawed yet and she only got the kibble portion. 

9:22 p.m.
I finished the split toe socks. Then I went out and filtered more drinking water, just in case we get early bow hunters. I left Rosie inside because I wanted to check the roof. I'd heard lots of thumps, etc, over the last few days and I wanted to clear it off before we left, so we didn't create any road hazards. There were 8" drifts of pine needles up there. They were banked against every vent cover and obstacle. The space between the roof and the big patio awning was packed with them. There were only a few sticks and one fir cone. I cleaned them all off. Then I noticed the majority of the rain gutter on the downwind side was clear full of ashes. It was like pale grey clay. I noticed it because the front part was full of water. I cleaned that out too. Unfortunately I'd already tossed the sticks so I had to use my fingers. :-p I inspected my roof. Looked good. Then I climbed down and took Rosie for a walk. I'm tired now. I should have eaten first.

11:36 a.m. 
I'm trying to air it out in here. I'm hoping that will help my headache. Mr. Bill has driven through twice, so I have to keep jumping up and closing everything down. I took out the trash and changed (and binned) the hand towels. It seems better now. Both Rosie and I are longing to go home. I have to keep reminding myself, "...just 2 more nights." I ache to be home. The solitary confinement is torture. 

8:50 p.m.
Today drug on forever! I chased down more contaminated items. VOCs spread to everything! Once I got them binned my headache went away. Worked on spinning. One more day. Two nights. Ugh!

Tuesday, 9/1/15

Woke up at 6:35 a.m. refreshed. When I looked out the windows it looked like fog rolling in. I was a bit anxious until I got outside, and could verify that it was "just fog." There was a strange chemically smell to the woods this morning though. Like a pulp mill. We're back inside. Hopefully there won't be any adverse effects from the stink. @@ Its always something! 

No such luck: chest pain, lymph pain, sore throat. 

10:00 a.m. 

The fog cleared and its a perfect fall day. Rosie and I are enjoying our time outside.

So many times with this condition I feel like I'm being sacrificed on the alter of a foreign god. Mammon, the worship of money and commerce. I'm being slain by the toxic chemicals of this industrial age. The devotees of "profit," in their fervor of slavish acquisition don't care how many bodies pile up. Are you a Bible reader? Are you familiar with the  false gods of old? Mammon, Baal, Astaroth. They required human sacrifices. They preferred innocents, especially babies. I'm no innocent, but I am Redeemed. In ancient times they would kill babies and spread their blood over the foundations of a new home, then entomb the body in the foundation. Its hard to fathom that people could believe that that was a "good thing!" Followers of Baal had statues of him that were furnaces, with outstretched hands. The were heated white hot and the babies were laid on the outstretched, glowing hands and burned alive. People thought that was a "good thing" too! We're not that different. Ever looked at how many babies are killed everyday in your country? Here in the US the numbers are obscene! I recently read an article where Planned Parenthood, the largest purveyor of abortions world wide, was found to have grossly underreported the numbers! And I watched a video of a covert interview with 'the head of the baby parts merchandising department.' That wasn't her real title, just the one I gave her. She was in charge of funding the abortion clinics and she did it by selling baby parts. She'd give their doctors lists of the parts (orders) that they were looking for, so they could take special care when dissecting the babies (alive in the womb) so as not to damage the merchandise! They have to cut them up inside the mother, because once the baby is outside the mother the practice is considered murder. The "tissue" must be " fresh" to preserve its "medical value." Thats why they leave them alive when they butcher them for parts, even while claiming its not a living baby. Did you know that God considers them living valuable people in the womb? In Exodus 21:22 if a man strikes a pregnant woman and the unborn baby is born injured, or dead, he is punished "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life." We, as a society, will surely face the wrath of God. Everyday we poison our children with the spewing chemical poisons that glorify Mammon, while the CEOs chant their mantra, "Profits, profits, profits..." We need to stop! We need to ask God's forgiveness. 

Sure we all have synthetic stuff. We can't change the past.  But we can stop buying new synthetic stuff. If we make better choices from this day forward, we can make a positive difference, and by that, cast down our societal alters to Mammon. Does that sound a little fanatical to you? It does if you you aren't looking at the world through the lens of Biblical truth. God gave us His Word so that we may divine the truth. In the very first book, Satan deceives Eve by telling her that what God said wasn't true. He hasn't changed his playbook. Right now we, as societies around the world, are being told that taking the lives of unborn children is acceptable. "Its a woman's right." Satan has drawn a gauzy, sparkly veil over reason and conscience. When looked at God's Word, taking the life of unborn children is an abomination! 

We are being plied with the lie that drugs are the answer to societies problems. Even our babies and children are on prescription drugs! God says "Have nothing to do with sorcery". In the Greek translation the word 'pharmacopeia' is used for sorcery. Sorcery is defined as the use of mind altering substances. What do prescription drugs do? They mask the problem. They make your mind think the problem is gone. In reality, they do nothing to heal the body. Yet we've all been indoctrinated to believe that this is the "best medicine." Why? Profits. Its another gauzy, glittery veil,that Satan has pulled over our collective eyes. 

It took getting this condition for me to recognize the deception. Please, don't let it go that far before you do! End time prophecies talk about the New Babylon, a "center of commerce" being cast down and destroyed in one day (Revelation 18:8) and all the countries of the world will stand far off and weep for her and her commodities. I worry that that is the US. We are not mentioned in any other end time prophecies. Briton (and even her subsidiaries) is, even though at the time of the writing of the prophecies it was a wild and uncivilized place. She hadn't conquered anything. We need to wake up, repent, and ask for forgiveness. It doesn't matter if you don't live in the US, I don't have any real knowledge that "New Babylon" is the US. I just see similarities. I'm worried about my country, as each of you should be concerned about yours. The Bible warns that without it's truth people are "being blown about by the winds of doctrine" as much as "a ship without a rudder." Those winds of doctrine are the mores of society. They shift and change. But they aren't truth. They are deceit. And they are harmful for us. The Word of God is the truth, even though sometimes its very hard to look at. Lets face it, most of us don't want to see the truth. We don't even look for it. We see what we want to see. We want the truth to "fall on the side" that benefits us. Its human nature. We want the "easy button." We want what we want, when we want it. Truth is often hard. It means we'll have to work harder, and we may have to do without the thing we desire. But, hard or not, truth is the most healthful thing for us. 

I have a unique perspective, being forced out of the comforts and distractions of modern society. I've been forced to push aside the veils. I'm confronted with certain realities that jar the modern dogma and confirm the truth in the Word of God. Perhaps its the grappling with so many life threatening chemical injuries that drives me to share...

Please, learn to discern the truth. Read the Bible and apply it to everything in your life. It was written for "yesterday, today and tomorrow." Look for the truths that God is showing you. Seek God and turn away from deceit and sin. If you have not accepted His Gift of Redemption, do it now.