Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Run Out of Town Again

Monday, February 29, 2016

8:30 a.m.
I'm back at Anson-Wright. I forgot it was leap year. I didn't realize it until I saw the date.  If I'd have remembered, I'd have done some leaping about with Rosie, when we went out to potty her, to celebrate. 

The coffee's on. I'm heating it up in here. Its currently 52° F.

When I got home last week, I had a lovely visit with my son and grandson, Gabriel, on Saturday. I took Sunday off and was just starting to work on restocking the RV, on Monday, when a call came in on the business line. It was Sheriff Rowan. He wanted some work done, for a personal project... After I got his information and promised to forward it to my husband, I asked him if we could change hats. He said, "sure." So I told him about my troubles with Hiedeman, and tossed in some of the past, to get him up to speed. He remembered the trial when I tried to get a protective order and confirmed it was a setup. He wasn't sheriff back then. He told me he was neighbors with Hiedeman and said he'd speak to him. Forty five minutes after our conversation Ron got an email from Hiedeman saying he was going to spray Monday or Tuesday. Unfortunately Hiedeman also moved some contaminated equipment in across the road the same day. So, is he just trying to sabotage my efforts? I have no idea. But, how am I supposed to get out, to restock the RV, if its too toxic?! He removed the tractor on Thursday, so it was less toxic. I still had to plan what I was going to do/transfer, stage it by the back door, and then execute it as fast as possible. I'd ordered the dehumidifier and humidity meter at the first of the week. It arrived Thursday, so it was prioroty #1 on that day's plan. Each day after that I checked it and emptied the water. The carpet is finally dry! Yeah! As soon as I was done with my one trip out I'd decontaminate and be sick the rest of the day. I did that Thursday evening and once each, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Ron helped on the weekends. He also dedicated several hours to calking more suspected leaky places on the RV and anything else I put on the list. He shopped Sunday morning, picking up a radio for me (along with the groceries), so the Park Manager, Greg Close, can check on me. He worries. 

My daughter and her family came over for the afternoon and early evening. I got to see those grandsons. Ron made fish and chips for dinner. The youngest, Toby, doesn't even recognize me. He recognizes my husband. 💔 I held, talked to, and played with him as much as possible, without slighting Joey, so that maybe he'll start to recognize me, too. 

After they went home I organized the last of the food and stuff to be transferred into the RV, and Ron took it out. We went to bed early. I got up at 5:20 a.m. And was pulling out of the driveway at 5:40 a.m.. We had to leave before first light in case Hiedeman starts just after first light. The wind is lightest in the early morning. It picks up between 9:30-10:00 a.m.. If a contaminated spray rig passes me on the road, its so close, the outside of my RV will be contaminated and I won't be able to get out. We (Rosie and I) stopped for gas at our favorite accommodating service station, and then headed up the mountain. It was a cold trip, since spraying has started and I can't run the heat until we've passed all farmed fields. 

I brought far more crap with me this time than ever before. I brought the taxes! @@ I'm also starting some beadwork projects. I have to be up here for 3 weeks, since he's spraying right across the road from the house. It could be longer, if someone else sprays. Last year it ended up being 2 1/2 months. I wanted to be prepared. 

I noticed on my way up that I was so stressed that my LES was tied in a knot. I wasn't even getting spit down. I decided I need to de-stress, big time. I intend to spend the day playing wii, and taking Rosie out. Wii games help keep my mind off of the things I stress about.      

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

7:30 a.m.
My plan for "not thinking about being run out of my home" worked until I went to bed. Then I couldn't sleep. Figures. A person just can not get away from their self or the realities of their life. It was windy and rainy all night. No leaks. 🎉

5:50 p.m.
I worked on accounts all day. I took Rosie out when I needed a break. It blew up a storm all day. The RV got pelted by wind blown pinecones and branches.. Rosie thought we were under attack. I worried that we'd lose power and my computer would go down. The storm blew itself out about 5:00 p.m. It was too cold for the heat pump. My new humidity meter also tells temperature. Looks like we staybetween 55°-65° F, inside, until 3 o'clock. Then it finally gets up to 70°F. Of course once the sun goes down, the temp falls back down. The window blankets help slow the heat loss. We finally reached 42% humidity. I noticed there was something different on the screen. Instead of a house filling up with water icon, it had a house with the word "OK" in it. Well now! The dehumidifier is reading 35%. From the reviews I know its reading is going to be lower because it tends to draw back in some of its output (dry) air.

I didn't tell you that yesterday I left the water heater on too long and the water was boiling in the hot water tank! It popped the steam escape valve and water leaked out. Ron put this hybrid in for me and because of the hook ups I had only the choice between no heat cut off or 120°. I wanted scalding water to sanitize the dishes, so there is no upper limit cut off. I just have to remember to run it when I need it, and start it 30 min. before I want it, then turn it off.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

7:30 a.m.

I got up before 7:00 a.m. because it was so light out that I thought it was after 8:00 a.m.. Man was I disappointed. I could have stayed in bed where it was warmer! The reason it was lighter, the sky was clear. It wasn't when we went to bed. It was raining hard most of the night. Since it poured last night, the humidity is back up to 48%. I checked, still no leaks! 🎈🎉  with the clear skies the temperature plummets. Indoors it was down to 45°F. Brisk! The toilet seat was downright hostile! I'd turned off/unplugged the dehumidifier last night. The converter in the cord was very warm. I'd set it up in the cabover, on the cushions, and I didn't want to risk it igniting anything. I was too tired to think of a good solution. 

Rosie's depressed. She's only eating about half her food. She misses her Poppa. As I sat down to journal, I noticed we were having a Deer Party right outside the RV salon window! There were 5 this time.  I took pics. I'll choose one and post it with this entry.  Rosie did perk up a bit to watch the deer. 

Well, I've taken the dog out 🐩, I've had my coffee ☕️ and I've journaled 📝. I've stalled for about as long as I can stall. I guess I'll have to hit the books.📑📊🗄 😒.

8:30 p.m.
It was a very long day of bookkeeping. Before I can do the taxes, I have to prepare annual reports. Ugh. I'm knee deep in it now. I realized I desperately need to make better cushions for the dinette seats. They are the most uncomfortable seats I've ever had. I hung in there, but it was torture. I took a few breaks. I even turned my mattress. But mostly, book work. Tomorrow will be another grueling day. With all the equipment I have running its actually gotten toasty and warm in here. Too warm. I keep turning the heater down.
Thats about all I can scrape up to report on tonight. 

Thursday, March 3, 2016

8:30 a.m. 
The coffee will be joining us shortly. Its was another rainy night, but this morning dawned sunny and misty. Its sublimely beautiful. Rosie and I took an extra long walk to enjoy it. I've heated up the water for dishes and washing my face. The pesticides at home last week caused my lips to crack, peel and bleed and my face to develop some hard, dry scaly patches. The patches were about as big as a nickle. I'm slowly getting them to recover. My lips are improving faster than the places on my face. 

9:00 a.m.
I got my first radio contact with the Parks Manager. It was shorter than 
I'd like, and longer than he liked, I'm sure... Its the difference between our lives. He's overworked, constantly in demand, and always behind. I live in "the molasses zone." Time crawls at the rate that molasses, in January, flows. Nothing much happening, and no one besides the dog, to talk to. I should be more appreciative. At least I do have the dog to talk to. And, I do have the bookkeeping to while away the hours. Yeah... 😐 I guess its time to get to work.🐜💻

3:00 p.m.
I finished everything for the taxes that I had with me. I made more cookie dough and relaxed.

Earlier, about 10:30 a truck pulling a camper showed up and went down by the office. I never saw them leave.

Friday, March 4, 2016
8:00 a.m.
I didn't sleep well. I don't know if it was chemical or just entering the receipts from all the fun stuff my family did without me. However, I did start having teeth pain and feeling sick after we went out for the last time yesterday evening. There are several nearby ranchers. Perhaps they sprayed. It was a warm afternoon.

Anyway, today is water day: shower, empty waste water, pack everything up and head down the mountain. I'll contact Ron when I get into cell range, so I'll know where to go. I'll call my Dad too. I'm not telling him I'm up here. It stresses him too much. His dementia makes him get upset easily. I can relate. Chemicals do that to me. 

3:30 p.m.
My trip down to Lexington went well. I called my Dad while I was waiting for Ron. We were meeting in the County Road Dept. parking lot. My father asked me directly if I was at home or "up the hill." I couldn't lie. I did stress how much better I was feeling. He seemed o.k. with it. Then I asked him about his days in the army. When talking with alzheimer's patients, keeping the conversation on old familiar stories helps them to feel better. He does love to tell those army stories. 

Ron and I had a good visit while we exchanged goods. Most of my Amazon Prime orders didn't come in. You know, the ones with the guaranteed 2 day shipping! Rosie's new bag of dog food didn't come in either. I'm not pleased about that. Though Rosie will be. I'll start supplementing her food with raw hamburger. 🐶 I gave Ron my list of tax questions. He told me the news from home. Both my grandsons have a cold. So do my in-laws. Ron won't be going over to his folks this weekend to work on his aunt's estate, since they're sick. He also told me one of my oldest ewes died, and I have 2 new, white, lambs. I hate it that I miss out. Ron mentioned that his good buddy Jr Drego has gone fishing twice, and calls and tells him about the great fish he caught. Taunting. I said, "What a rat!" but Ron just laughed and said he'd do the same to him, if he had the chance. The difference between men and women. I told Ron to go fishing at least one day this weekend. 

I let Ron know that I was going to try to make it until next Friday before our next rendezvous. He looked sceptical. I have plenty of food. I don't have enough dogfood, but I have lots of raw hamburger. I need to do all I can to make it easier on Ron. Spacing it out to once a week should help him.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

8:00 a.m. 
I didn't sleep well. I got enough exposures going down, that my bronchitis flared and I coughed hard all night. It didn't help that I stayed up lated playing a new wii game Ron brought, either. Add to that the wind blew in hard, intermittent bursts. It would be quiet, then all of the sudden it would slam into the RV, moaning like a banshee. It would give us a good shaking up, then disappear.  I did sleep some, but had video game dreams. I need to play less wii!
12:56 p.m.
I input the accounting information that Ron gave me. I did a little laundry and strung a line outside. I'm spinning. Pretty much a slow day. 

Sunday, March 6, 2016

I checked the water levels this morning. 1/3 a tank gone. Normally that lasts 4 3 days. I checked the water heater pressure relief valve. It was dry. I checked the fill valve. It was fine. I went back and checked under the water heater. A steady drip. Looks like I'll be going back down the mountain sooner than I wanted. Probably Tomorrow or Tuesday. 

It was warm enough that the heat pump worked. I noticed a couple of signs of spring. The buttercups have started blooming, and the frogs were singing in the creek bottom.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Greg Close radio'd this morning. He's relaying my water problems to Ron. 

The doe with the smaller fawns came by. Twice. The first time was when we were out walking. They came out at the bottom of the hill. Rosie froze, and pointed. They bolted for cover. I called her to me (she was on the retractable line), and we walked away. I was impressed that she came immediately! The deer hate it when you ignore them. They followed us up the hill. By the time I had the coffee pot on, they were grazing in our campsite. The two fawns that were bigger, that belonged with the other doe, joined them. I haven't seen their momma. Maybe that was a cougar or bear that we sensed watching us... Maybe the momma ran them off. I'll have to look up some facts when I get home. Hmmm, by the way, it was a lynx that I saw the last time I was up here. 

It snowed again today. The sky was so clear, the heat escaped, leaving us with wintery weather when the clouds blew back in. 

Mostly today, just the usual: Managing the water, the chores, walking the dog and spinning while watching movies. Pretty boring stuff. Missing my family terribly, and struggling with my resentment over all the pesticide sprayers have stolen from me. Its been 20 years since the first spraying. Its been nearly 12 years since I was declared severely disabled. I'm still being chemically bludgeoned, run out of my home and having my life destroyed. I'm still angry. "How long O Lord? How long before this child of yours sees justice?"

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Greg radio'd me again this morning. I wasn't out of bed yet. I was awake. I'd turned the heater up; it has a remote. I was waiting for the RV to warm up to at least 59°. He let me know he'd passed on my message. He also let me know there were crews coming in this afternoon. It made me wonder if he thought I was chasing people down, to question them. I only spoke to Greg Gutierrez because he appeared suddenly, less than 100 ft away, (and was coming at me and wouldn't stop when I asked him to, twice- which I didn't tell Greg Close). Greg Close also told me I was welcome to get water up at OHV, though only a few faucets are on. 

It was plenty cold this morning. There was frost on the grass in the meadow down below.

Well, it was an eventful day. Two events. One, I stepped on a fir cone that was on the step, as I was exiting the coach, twisted my ankle and fell. Hurt like the dickens but nothing got broken. Two, Ron showed up, after dark, to fix my water leak. He said he wanted to see if he needed fittings, or parts. Turns out that teflon tape will hold it until I get back to the house. He brought supplies. I'll go up to OHV for water. Ron said the weather was supposed to be better on Thursday, so I'll go then.

I told Ron about the missing doe. He suggested a possibility I hadn't thought of. She could have had her new fawns. Then he said it was too early, but her fawns were the larger ones, so maybe she has them early.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I didn't get much sleep last night. I fought with symptoms the first half the night. Then there was a cold snap at 3:00 a.m.. I woke up freezing. I turned up the heater but thought I'd better turn on the water heater so it didn't freeze. I had to stay awake for 30 minutes, so I could turn it back off. By then I was too awake to go back to sleep. I tried. I finally gave up at 5:00 a.m.. I was out walking Rosie when Greg came by to check on me. He let me know there would be work crews in here. Rosie and I stayed inside. It was pouring down rain, or snow, and blowing at 20 mph, so we were o.k. with that. Its so cold in here that even with 2 pairs of wool socks, my feet are freezing.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Today is the 12 year anniversary of when Dr. Martenick told me I was chemically sensitive and had 2 months to 2 years (at best), to live. He told me to "...go home, avoid all (toxic chemicals), and don't contact (him) again. There's nothing they (western medicine) can do for (me)." There was more, but thats the essence: go home, die, I don't want to hear about it. 

Twelve years later, I'm still alive. I'm still fighting for my life, and I'm still trying to recover.

This morning, because I'm going to fill my fresh water I took my shower. I debated about wether to do it on the end of the tank or when I got back. My concern is with possible exposures, while filling. I decided to do the full shower, with the deep hair wash,  put on the old, stinky clothes to do the water chores, and then rinse when I got back and put on clean clothes. If I got exposures I wouldn't have as deep a cleaning to do. Body oils, you know... Greg radio'd while I was stowing stuff. I tried to find out the faucet that was farthest form activity. He'd recommended the one that was closest to the gate. In other words, my fear is that everyone coming and going passes by there. I tried to diplomatically find out the most remote working one. I have no gift for subtlety. He just said he'd make everyone stay away.  I don't like that. An inconvenient guest brings resentment. I'm trying to hedge against that...

Well, I have wet hair to deal with and emptying to do, so I'd best get on it. 

12:06 p.m.
It went much better than I'd anticipated. Greg and 2 other guys were standing in the garage door waiting for me. One of them ran out and made sure the frost free faucet was working. Then they went into the main building. Nothing else was moving on the campground. I was able to drag out the hoses and filters, get the tank filled and everything put away without a problem. Then I drove up to the sites where I'd got cell service before and made a few dicey calls. "Dicey" in that I only had one bar intermittently. I couldn't get through on some of them. I'd dial it, the screen would show the sending icon, but it would never ring. Others went through just fine. I let a few people know I was alive and checked my messages. I checked in with Ron, too. He found our lost dog-food shipment. Apparently it was back ordered. He had already ordered 2 more from another dealer, they were offering 15% off and free shipping. We aren't going to run out of dog food for awhile.

The carpet was wet again. So were both front corners (just a little). It really dumped bucket loads on us yesterday. I guess we haven't figured out where its leaking, yet. 

Greg and another worker showed up about 3:30 p.m., he radio'd me. He told me that if I get into an emergency situation my gate key will open the back door on the park office and I can use their land line to call for help. I thanked him. I refrained from letting him know that most likely the residual fragrance from the past camp hosts, and the improvement chemicals they've applied down there, would engender "an emergency situation." He has a good heart. Its hard for people to understand how toxic the world is to me. 

Friday, March 11, 2016

7:00 a.m.
Weird dreams! I'm solving Wii "The Lord of the Rings" puzzles in my sleep. O' brother! And I didn't even play it that much yesterday. Mostly I spun and watched movies in the afternoon and evening.  Other than the strange dreams, I slept good. Its considerably warmer. Like 60° F, this morning already. Its a good thing too. I discovered that I'd gotten a little frost bite on one toe in that cold snap, Wednesday. One of my toes felt weird so I checked it out as I was going to bed last night. My feet were white, my toes were purple and one of the nails had mostly come off. I removed the hanging toe nail, applied iodine to the open sore and bandaged it. I treated my feet with frankincense and myrrh balm and by morning my feet were a healthy color again. The toe feels o.k. too. I didn't disturb the bandage. Its startling how fragile I am. 

Our deer friends are back. Only 4 today. 

Saturday, March 12, 2016

7:00 a.m.
I'm having trouble with my heater. The cord at the plug in is getting hot. Is the wire in the RV undersized or is the problem with the heater? As soon as its warm enough I'm going to take it apart. Perhaps it just needs a good cleaning.

8:13 a.m. 
I took it apart. It had a lot of dust, lint and some fiber. I cleaned everything with a soft brush or cloth. I washed the filter, in case it was clogged with micro particles. It will take a while to thoroughly dry. Normally I just tap the lint out. I did that yesterday evening. The wire was still hot this morning, running on the lowest setting. I wiped off the temperature sensor, in case that was part of the problem. I've noticed it doesn't shut off when it should. I may need to replace that sensor. 

I opened an access panel in the back room, and with the aid of a flash light, I read the size of the wire, "600v, 14-2 G." I'll check specs when I get home for the requirement for 30 amp circuits. I have been thinking of upgrading my wiring to 50 amp. 

10:30 a.m.
Its working better, though still not cycling like I'd like.  It didn't stay warm outside very long this morning. A cold front moved in. We had sleet, snow and rain. And more wind. I'm getting worn down. I'm fighting both a bladder infection and a gum infection in that old abscess spot. 

Sunday, March 13, 2016

8:44 a.m. (Daylight Savings Time)
That's what my ipad tells me anyhow. The time is an hour ahead of my microwave.  I slept in (a little) too, because I was up gagging and choking in the night. I took cod liver oil for my tooth/gum problem before bed. Regurging that and aspirating it is horrid! I took minerals, and lots of C along with the cod liver oil caps last night. 

I'm starting to think my symptoms are chemical. I was feeling much better this morning until we went out. Then my teeth started hurting again. Rosie's showing some symptoms of bladder irritation too. She didn't want to pee all day yesterday. When I finally got after her, she pee'd buckets. She's getting premium raw, grass fed beef, and I've left her coat long just for our winter mountain trip, so I don't think she's run down. I'm thinking one of these ranchers sprayed something. 

I tricked Rosie into peeing right away this morning. I took her breakfast out of the fridge and left it on the counter. Then we went out. She was anxious to get back to that raw burger, so she peed right away.

Its spitting snow mixed with rain. Twenty feet above us its all snow. And wind. 

9:10 p.m.
Another long day of solitary confinement. Cold, wet, unfriendly weather. I spun, watched movies and played wii. Rosie and I also stared out the window wishing. Rosie wished she could run loose and play with deer. I wished I didn't have to be in exile. I'm grateful for the safer place, I just miss my family. The loneliness is devastating. 

Monday, March 14, 2016

Bitterly cold this morning. Snow on the ground. Clear skies, at least for the moment. I turned up the heater and let it run a good long while before I even tried to get out of bed. It was still only 54°F in here when I did brave the cold. There's plenty of condensate on the windows even though the humidity meter shows its "low." I'm guessing because its so cold out there and so "warm" in here. 

I sat with my cup of coffee and tried to soak up the beauty of the towering pines, the golden, blushing clouds as the sun climbed doggedly over the mountain peaks. I tried not to think about how the pine trunks reminded me of bars of a cage... They do. They are. But I tried not to think about it. I worked on appreciating. They say, appreciation can be the difference between depression and healthy adaptation, or even surviving disaster. I have to pursue it, as doggedly, as relentlessly, as the sun climbing into the sky. 

10:27 a.m.
Chores and floors this morning. I moved the dehumidifier into the cab to try to draw some of the water out of the carpet. So far this morning, no more rain. It continues bitterly cold. I went back to two pairs of wool socks. In between chores Rosie and I "raced up and down the hall" as I threw her birdie, and then chased after her in order to get it back. She loves to be chased. 

I'm developing ulcers under my tongue. Another indication of chemical poisoning. I don't know what the source is. When we go out, I'm sticking pretty close to the RV. I can't tell if its blowing to us on the wind, or been used nearby. The county did leave a grader here over the weekend. I won't know if that was it, unless they remove it and I stop having symptoms. I so need my own remote property. It is frustrating beyond belief to own a house and 20 acres (in the valley/pesticide zone) and not even be able to access them! 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Cold is our antagonist up here. It was so cold in the bedroom last night I got out Rosie's blanket and covered her. She thought it was cold too. When she got up for a drink, she was careful to keep her blanket on. Sometime in the wee hours I woke up freezing. I checked Rosie. Her blanket was mostly off. She was curled in a tight ball with her nose tucked in. I wrestled the blanket out from under her; she didn't move. She'd locked herself into a wheel, and wasn't giving it up. I spread the blanket out over her, including her head. She stayed under there. Then I cranked up the heater to "full blast." It took awhile to bring the temp up to a tolerable level. Rosie didn't even poke her head out for a couple of hours. When daylight crept up, we both stayed hunkered down until it reached our normal, balmy 54°F. We're both tired of the cold. I had a cup of coffee before going out to potty Rosie. Thank goodness. I had no idea just how much I was going to need the energy. Rosie's long fur caught a poo and we had a mess! Its not like I could have made coffee and then dealt with it. It would have been everywhere. No, before I even took off my coat, scarf and hat, I needed to contain the problem. It took at least 30 minutes to clean that up. It was a very sticky, nasty poo. That'll teach me for giving her kale!  Not the morning I was hoping for after spending a cold sleepless night. 

Three of our deer friends are back, as I type this, and they're pretty flighty. The sky is low, grey and spitting powder snow. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Yesterday got worse. When we were outside, yesterday morning, I came across a petroleum odor. There was a spill pattern. My suspicious nature whispered insinuations that someone deliberately poured something there. My rational mind rejected it, and after a few minutes figured that it was most likely elk pee. I know that cows and horses will lick the petroleum oils off of equipment, if they get a chance. All animals need fats and oils in their diet. Critters can't tell that its a toxic oil. Its reasonable to assume that elk would do the same. If they did, those volatiles would be in their urine. Regardless, I got fever, chills, kidney and bladder pain, headache and other body pain. It felt like the flu. At first I thought maybe I was getting the virus that my family had. I felt like crap. I needed someone to take care of me. I have Rosie, only Rosie doesn't know how to brew a cup of tea. I couldn't get warm. It was so cold outside we didn't even reach our customary 70°F by 3:00 p.m.. We never did that day. I knew the only person that could help me was me. Even though I didn't feel up to it, I made myself make teas, take supplements and figure out better strategies to get warm. I left all the window blankets on. I placed the heater directly in front of the sofa, piled towels on me, with one spread out on my lap. I got out my little step stool and placed my feet on it, making a tent of the towel on my lap. I arranged it so that the full blast from the heater was directed into the tent. That helped. I stayed warmer as long as I could stay there. Of course I had to keep getting up to make tea, and then void the liquids, but it did help. 

About 5:00 p.m. Ron showed up with more supplies. He had bad news.a One of Evil neighbor' s dog had killed a couple of my sheep. Ron had gone out of town on business over the weekend. He got back to find another dead, savaged ewe in the field. This one, he said, was done horribly viciously. He sat out in the haystack near the sheep all night, with a infrared scope on a rifle to catch the marauders. He figured coyotes. The Evil's Australian sheep dog showed up. The law says you can kill a dog attacking your livestock. The dog wasn't attacking a new ewe, it was returning to the kill. Ron knew that because it was these particular, spiteful neighbors, he'd need to be absolutely sure and document it. Instead of shooting it, he chased it home. He also called the sheriff right then and there. He stayed out in the haystack all night. Their dog returned to our field at 5:30 a.m. Ron called the sheriff again, and chased the bloody dog home, again. The sheriff tried multiple times to contact the Evils. They did't take the sheriff's calls or respond to his coming to their house. The sheriff advised Ron that he would be going to their work to contact them. He noted that the Evils' mastiff was kenneled. That is very atypical. Normally that dog runs loose all over the neighborhood. I figure the Australian shepherd arrived home bloody, and they tried to cover their tracks. They locked up their mastiff. The sheriff didn't see the Aussie. He told Ron that if it continues, shoot the dog. Ron asked if he could set out traps, to be sure it wasn't coyotes that did the original killing. The sheriff advised him to talk to Fish and Game. The Game Officer O.K.d the traps. Ron had those bases covered. We discussed getting a game camera so he'd have photo evidence. I warned him, even with all the "i's" dotted and "t's" crossed, the Evils will still retaliate. 

Ron is going to get me a second heater and burn off the "new" elements. He'll be back in a couple of days. After he left I had a couple more cups of medicinal tea and we went to bed early. I put the towel I'd been using as a blanket on the sofa on the bed. Normally I don't because of cross contamination. All the covers were so heavy I felt I could barely breathe. I moved the heater as close as I dared and ran it on high. I was finally warm! I covered Rosie with her blanket. I had to get up a couple of times to void the burning pee, but by 10:00 p.m. I seemed to be passed that. 

This morning was warmer. The sound of melting, blopping snow on the roof woke us up. The inside temperature was already 58°F.  I had a pituitary headache, bronchitis with a productive cough, and still feel tired and weak. But, definitely better.  Since my recovery is, for the most part, one day, I can surmise it wasn't viral. 

Greg radio'd this morning. I told him about the elk pee, and my freaky exposure. He told me a couple of his guys would be working at the camp office. One of them drove up and right by the RV, out of their way, on their way in. Glad I wasn't outside.

12:45 p.m.
It warmed up above 40°F and I'm running the heat pump. Its nice and toasty in here. I darned socks. I played with Rosie. I'm tired. 

7:18 p.m.
My dvd player is on the fritz. One of the things Ron is bringing is a cleaning disc. I'll be glad to see that. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Happy St. Patrick's day. Rosie and I are both wearing green. Though Rosie's not up to dancing an Irish jig. She had a terrible round of diarrhea and vomiting most of the night. I'm switching her back to premium kibble. I'd ordered it 2 weeks before we evacuated and it didn't come. Ron tracked down the problem. They'd charged us, they just didn't ship it. It finally arrived Monday, and he brought it up Tuesday. I must have been switching too fast. Poor dear! The only other possible causes are that she ate something bad while out sniffing for a poo spot, or she really can't tolerate even a small amount of kale. I scraped the dregs of my soup into her dish yesterday. It had egg, cheese and a little kale in it. She was fine the whole day, but about bedtime she started to be anxious and indicate that she wanted out. Only when I'd open the door, she wouldn't go out! Too dark, and there were critters out there! Needless to say it was very stressful for her, which set her to vomiting, without warning. So we had more really nasty messes. Paper towels and trash bags are in short supply. Eventually, need conquered fear and she went out and eliminated. Until the next round... Though she did get better at going out in the dark. It helped that it was a clear night with a lot of moonlight.

Its very cold again, this morning, and she's not wanting to get out of bed. Can't say that I blame her. I bundle her up in her blankie, on the sofa, in front of the heater. I offered her a little dab of yogurt - she didn't want it. I offered her a small pinch of hamburger; she really didn't want it either. Although she took it to humor me. Thirty minutes later I offered her a second small pinch of hamburger. She took it eagerly and looked for more. I learned my lesson. I'm not feeding it to her that fast. In 30 more minutes she'll get a little bit bigger bit of burger mixed with a little yogurt. And a very small dab of royal jelly and propolis. 

She got her next bit, then she went to her dish's spot. I'm soaking the dish, so its not there. I'm heating water to scald it, just in case. When I didn't give her her food she came and sat, nose to nose, with me, staring me right in the eyes. I think that's the doggie equivalent of demanding. I held firm. We're doing this the slow way!

7:20 p.m.
So far, so good, as far as doggie diarrhea. I fed her last at a quarter past 4:00. That way if she had vomiting or diarrhea it would hopefully show up before dark/frigid temps. 

We took several walks, away from suspect areas. I fixed that lose dump-hose cap fitting. It was a mostly sunny day. It was considerably colder. It did not get above 40°F outside until much later and then cooled down more quickly. Even using the heat pump during peak temperatures we couldn't get the inside temp above 68°F. Rosie slept with her blankie most of the day. I must admit, after last nights puke and crap, and it being so cold, I was a might testy with Rosie when she started in asking to go out as soon as we'd get back in. I think she was bored in here. I solved the problem by clipping her retractable lead back on, and sending her out the door. Then I shut the door with the lead handle and myself inside and Rosie outside. I watched her for a few minutes through the window. She just stood there looking at the door. When I opened the door and called her back in. Problem solved; she had decided she wasn't going to nag me anymore. 

I've been hearing bird song for about a week now. Today I saw the first bird, other than the eagles. It was a red headed woodpecker. I tried to get a pic but he was too far away for my ipad. Then I saw the first chipmunk of the season scamper across the rocks below the window. He was too fast for me to get a pic. This evening, when Rosie and I went out about 6:30 p.m. I heard 2 shots fired, on the hill, above us, behind the camp. They sounded like a large caliber hand gun. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

7:30 a.m.
I ran the heater full blast all night. It was tolerable until an hour before dawn. I pulled the throw rug over Rosie, she wasn't staying warm enough with all her fur, plus a blankie. When the sky finally lightened I opened the window coverings to peak out like I always do. The condensate was frozen on the glass! Rosie and I stayed right where we were for a good hour longer. When I finally forced myself to get up and be assaulted by the frigid toilet seat, the temperature read 50°F. While I'm quite sure its beyond bitterly cold out there, I have no intentions of going out to find out just yet. We'll stay in until Rosie feels she's ready to venture out. I exchanged Rosie's throw rug for a large towel and parked her on the sofa, with both covers, in front of the heater.

I thought about the neighbor's dogs last night. Ron mentioned how savage the sheep's death/mauling was. It occurred to me that the mastiff was probably the one that did it with his little Aussie buddy following along. Then when they got home the neighbors saw all the blood on the mastiff and thats when they kenneled him. The Aussie came back by himself the next night because he wasn't kenneled. 

8:30 a.m.
We're back in from the morning's business outside. Its so cold the step won't work. Rosie did not take my instructions to "get it done quick" to heart. She still dawdled. She got transition rations when we got back in. She got in my face to thank me - or so I first thought. When she stayed there I realized she was telling me she needed more. Umm, no. She's getting a full ration, plus some. Wiley critter. She just wants more. I'm not going there. I don't need her puking from too much food...

Its still 50°F in here. I'd never make it in Alaska. I left on my hat, scarf and fingerless, flip top mittens. I'm already wearing layered clothing, including long underwear. I have been since the beginning. Still cold.

7:20 p.m.
It warmed up after 12:30p.m. Enough to turn on the heat pump and when it got to 68°F, in here, I took my shower. I will never take a shower for granted again! Even though this one was intermittent and brief, it was heavenly! Afterwards I started getting ready to go up the hill to OHV for water. I was almost ready when Ron showed up! He brought the new heater. Its terrific! He brought all the water and food, and the dvd cleaning disc. Yay, movies again.  He took over emptying the waste water. He felt bad that he wasn't going to be able to help me get fresh water. Our daughter is out of town, our son-in-law was called to work, so Ron was supposed to pick up the boys from daycare again. He needed to leave by 3:00 p.m. I'm o.k. with that. I was prepared to do it myself anyway. He shared that he'd gone fishing on 2 evenings. I was pleased about that, too. He needed the break. We made Easter plans, as I would be arriving back home in time.

He took care of the gate for me, that was a big help. Then he went down the hill and I went up the mountain. After I got the water I drove up to the cell phone spot and checked my messages. I had 2 from John, my contact with Bellinger Farms. They'd be spraying a place 1\3 a mile south of me and a field directly behind me on the first available day. He'd let me know the exact day when they let him know. I left him a message apologizing for not getting right back to him, and explaining why I hadn't. He called me back right away and let me know that they were spraying today. I kept it together long enough to thanked him for keeping me informed and let him know how important it was, and how much I appreciated that he left me messages, even if I couldn't respond. Then I hung up. I was devastated. I couldn't help it; I cried. Afterwards I called Ron and told him. It would be two more weeks before I could go home. He expressed his sympathy. He told me that our daughter and her family were going to spend Easter with our son and his family (I'd not been aware of that) so it was just going to be us. He said he'd come up here and spend Easter weekend with me. That made me feel better. I took care of my other messages, called a friend, my father and a sister. My father was as ornery as ever. He's not doing well. I worry about him passing away while I'm up here out of communication. At that point I was out of battery. I couldn't make anymore calls. It uses a lot of power when you don't even have one bar showing. Besides, a storm was boiling up and I wanted to make it back down the mountain and get set back up before it hit. 

So, we're back here at Anson-Wright, set up and toasty. The whole experience is different when you're cozy and warm. I moved the dehumidifier into the bathroom to dry it out from my shower. I discovered that the dehumidifier had a chunk of ice in it from last night! I finally got some supper. Rosie's ready for bed and its only 8:00 p.m.. 

Saturday, March 19, 2016

We passed a very comfortable night. Rosie, bless her, stood in her bed, refusing to lay down until I draped her with both blankets. She was currently warm, but still expected it to get cold. Sometime in the night she dumped them off and then wanted me to put one back on. This was communicated by her standing next to the head of my bed with her nose in my eye until I complied. Once I covered her with one she promptly lay down with a sigh of contentment. She'll get me trained yet.  When I checked on her next she was sprawled out in the middle of the floor, no blankets. She was a very happy dog. I spent a very cozy night, myself, and am a very contented woman. Being warm and comfortable makes everything else more endurable.

Today turned out to be a very nice day, sunny and "warm." I aired out the RV, darned the outer pair of sox I'd been wearing (with merino single I'd just spun) and cleaned floors. We track in a lot of fir needles and other detritus. I did some minor RV maintenance and, since running the cleaning disk a dozen times hadn't solved my problem, I took apart the TV. Unfortunately, all the moving parts seem to be functioning just fine. It appears to be a circuit board issue. I hooked the computer and dvd drive back up to the TV and ran my movies thru it. I brought out my spinning wheel and worked on that silver long-wool fleece I've been spinning.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

5:00 a.m.
Rosie's had me up since 3:30 a.m. She's having diarrhea again. I'd decreased her raw meat and increased the kibble. I'd also omitted the yogurt. Backing off those changes.

Rosie and I got in a couple of walks and her intestinal issues seem to be resolving following the reintroduction of yogurt.

I spun silver long-wool all day. 

The rain pounded us. 

I added a couple of spoonfuls of pumpkin and a dash of garlic to Rosie's food, just incase her problems are being aggravated due to worms. She sniffs a lot of poo and many worm eggs are passed that way. Raw pumpkin is also soothing to intestinal tissue. 

Monday, March 21, 20

8:30 a.m.
Rosie needed out at 1:00 a.m and 6:00 a.m.. She was less frantic and there was only a small amount of blood. I increased the yogurt to 3 spoonfuls this morning. Other than being gotten up twice, I slept hard.  

I'm feeling puny. I haven't gotten much passed my LES the last couple of days. I woke up with a huge headache. It took me a while to realize it was most likely from dehydration. It amazes me how much abuse I can take and still keep going. It is then that I am reminded that it is the Lord God who carries me. I should have been dead long ago, if not for Him. I do not know why I must walk this path, I pray that I am in His will and am faithful to His purpose. 

9:00 p.m.
I fought with my achalasia all day. I finally seemed to clear my LES this evening. It was turkey and vegetable bits that just weren't cooked enough. It is so frustrating! The definition of "Enough" changes constantly. I'm weak and dehydrated. I took Rosie out for short walks because the longer one was getting too difficult. I tried to rest today, mostly playing wii games to keep my mind from circling round the drain of my frustrated thoughts. 

Its raining hard again. 

Rosie seems to be slowly getting better. Her last bowel movements didn't have any blood, though they were still very soft. I haven't seen any worms. 

I'm feeling very forlorn and lonely tonight. Today marks the "3 weeks" I was originally being forced out of my home for Hiedeman's spraying. Solitary confinement is hard enough when the person receiving it has done something to deserve it. I haven't done anything wrong. And I have 2 more weeks...

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Ides of March

From the time I closed the curtains until I went to bed and peeked out, that hard rain turned into heavy, wet snow. The kind that downs wires and causes accidents. We stayed nice and warm. Rosie didn't get up until 6:00 a.m., and her business was mild and brief. Though she is stretched out on the sofa, tail next to my leg, passing bodacious wind! She'd been complaining about tummy discomfort; I can see why! I did appreciate being able to sleep the whole night through. 

I saw the snow plow on the highway. They've closed the highway that intersects with this one next to the camp. I can see the junction from my window. The county road crew came and got the grader. When Rosie and I went out for a walk, about 10:30 a.m., we saw that the roads were solid, wet ice. 

By 2:30 p.m. It was melted off. By 5:30 p.m. It started turning cold again.

I worked on a hemp knitted belt (for my son) that I started last year during exile. I'd had to quit because the yarn was too stinky. It seems to be much less stinky now. It is a difficult project. The yarn and needles are small. It is a tightly cabled pattern and hemp yarn doesn't stretch. It also splits, and is slick. Consequently, as I'm trying to force the stitches to stretch to make the cables, they pop off and I drop stitches. Or, one of the needles I'm not using slides out. I'm dropping a lot of stitches. I've stuck re-purposed ear plugs (Ron forgets to take them out of his pockets and once they've gone through the laundry they no longer work), and point protectors on the tips to try to keep the stitches on the needles. I'm having to unravel it and reknit frequently to pick up the dropped stitches. It tries my patience. 

It does, however, look fantastic when done, which makes it worth all the trouble. When it got too dark to see what I was doing, I switched back to spinning merino. Or 'making upholstery stuffing.' I've found it is important to weed out the short fibers that are less than an inch and a half. The yarn won't have enough strength if I don't. I discovered this when I used some to darn my sox the other day. I do need the upholstery stuffing for those chairs I'm doing at home, so its not a loss. Its just that some batches of fiber end up being mostly short lengths. I don't accomplish much spinning. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Rosie slept all night. I was the one that had to get up at 5:30 a.m., to use the bathroom. I drank too much liquid before bed. I was trying to rehydrate. Guess I was successful. Her condition continues to improve gradually. I didn't give her pumpkin last night. Her morning stool was firmer with no blood. Though she was puking a little during our walk. We'll see how she does now that she's had breakfast. She only ate half of it. She finished up the second half at noon, and ate her whole dinner. No more puking or diarrhea so far. I knit most of the day. I did a little sketching. Rosie spotted an elk sneaking down the hill behind us in the early evening. We took two long walks and played with her toys in the RV.

Thursday, March 24, 2016ll

It was a good night. Neither of us were up with problems. I'm still not used to it being warm in here when I get out of bed. I'm still bracing myself for the shock of cold floors. They're not. Its a pleasant surprise. 

I spent the day working on the belt and listening to music. I weeded out most of the jangier pieces from my Apologetics albums. I don't like heavy metal. Apologetics does Christian parodies to popular rock tunes. Most of mine are 80's, 90's songs. They parody several different genres. Listening to music from before I got injured makes me cry. I was such a happy optimistic person. It reminds me of how much I've lost. Call me Mara. It means "bitter" in Hebrew. Naomi said it when she lost her husband and both sons. Sometimes the knife edge of my losses is too much for me to bare. I grieve. My thoughts circle the drain. I tried to distract myself by cleaning floors and heater filters. It didn't work. My grief followed me to bed, clawing at my peace. 

Friday, March 25, 2016

6:30 a.m.
I'm up. I tried to have a soothing cup of coffee. I had a myoclonic jerk, which resulted in a lap and ipad covered in coffee - that routed my intentions. I feel sticky... This is, correction was, my last pair of clean pants. Today is  water day. 

8:30 a.m.
It is cold and snowing. I have almost everything put away. I'll see what the weather is like around 10:00. 

9:30 a.m.
The park crew is cleaning up hook-ups and using a hand held broadcast spreader to disperse light brown "granuals" on the hook-ups next to the meadow down below. I don't know what it is! Is it chemical? Is it herbicide? Salt? Seed? Treated seed? What? The yellow plastic bag says "Bare..." I can't read the rest. The wind is blowing directly up the hill from where they are working. I'm so stressed I'm going to vomit! Leaving the coach could be fatal! Pure unadulterated panic! My chest hurts! My head hurts! I feel like I'm going to blow a gasket!!! I must try to calm down! Do you know how hard that is when everything in your body is screaming "Danger!!!"? 

I watched them for almost an hour, looking for clues to what they were doing. I managed to catch a glimpse of more of the bag's lettering, "Barenbru." They moved into an area where I could see what they were applying the substance on. I think its most likely seed. There's a Barenbrug seed company in Corvallis... But is it treated seed? A lot of seed is treated with chlorothalonil, the fungicide that destroyed my immune system. This looked like it was in a plastic bag, so its quite possible that it was, to prevent it mildewing. I cannot afford to assume that it was "safe." I'm trapped! I can't get out. I can't open the door to potty the dog. I can't leave the coach to unplug, I can't get out to open the gate. The area they treated is right by the gate! I'm trapped! Not knowing wether its life threatening, if I'll be harmed, or how bad I'll be harmed has thrown me in to panic: PTSD. Full blown, mind reeling, thought clogging, shaking, crying, gut wrenching PTSD. I hate it! And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

My mind spins with plots and schemes to get out of here with as little damage as possible and make a 'run for safety.' Though I don't know where that is. One voice screams "Run! Run!" Another urges "Wait!!! Time will lesson the impact of chemicals." I look up my chlorothalonil research, to find the REI: 14 hrs.  I pray for rain or snow. I pray for answers. Maybe Greg will come by to check on them? Then I could ask what it is. I pray that at least the wind direction changes. I try to calm myself with the possibility that its "just seed." I'm not feeling too hopeful. I'm too scared. All my monsters are invisible. 

My glands are hurting. From chemicals or from stress I do not know. Not what I was hoping for for Easter weekend...

12:30 p.m.
Rosie's looking at me with a panicked expression. With all the diarrhea she's been having, I'm going to have to do something. I suggested she use the toilet, but she refused. I suggested she at least go out the driver's door which is on the opposite side. She refused that too. I changed into some clothes I could waste. That way I'd still have my last set of clean clothes. I'd have 20 minutes to 48 hrs before symptoms could appeared. I prayed for the best case scenario, that I dared hope for - if there were chemicals they would have volatized off or be trapped by thermal clines at the bottom of the hill... We went out, me masked, a heavy shirt instead of my coat, no hat or winter woolens because I didn't want to contaminate them, and moved quickly to the leeward, and uphill, side of the RV. I unplugged us while she was doing her business. Then we loaded up and drove down the hill. The gate, I noticed, was wide open. Good! I wouldn't have to get out to open it. It occurred to me, at that moment, that I could drive down to the office and just ask them what they had applied. Duh! That should have been obvious, but when you're panicked the obvious doesn't necessarily occur to you. 

When I got down there the guy who'd been spreading the stuff poked his head out of the building to see who'd arrived. I motioned him over. He asked if I was leaving and I told him I needed to go get water. He pointed up the mountain, I nodded. He asked if I had a key, I said yes. I asked his name, "Tim," and told him mine. Then I asked what he'd applied. He told me it was grass seed. That was a huge relief, right there. Then I asked him if it was treated or untreated. He looked horrified. That hadn't occurred to him. He got the bag and we read it. He actually read it as he walked over. I experienced a moment of stomach lurching dread as he stopped with an alarmed look on his face. Then he said, "It says 'pure seed.'"  He slapped it against the glass so I could read it. I got to the part that startled him. It said, "TOXINS" in capital letters. It was in a statement on "percentage of TOXINS..." In the bag. It listed "no detectable toxins." It did say not to use as a feed stuff. That means that it was grown with chlorothalonil, according to my pdf copy of the chlorothalonil label.. But thats better than having added fungicide. It didn't have anything else listed on the label. Tons of relief, for us both. He wanted to know when I would be back. I asked how long they'd be here this afternoon? He said until 4:00 p.m.. I told him I expected to be back long before that and told him it usually takes me an hour and a half, or so, because I also check my messages and make calls. We were both thinking about the gate being open when I got back. It makes it easier and safer for me if I don't have to get out for it. That went tons better than I expected. I always worry how people will react to me and my unusual condition. It can be really great, like today, or really bad. That happens a lot, too.

When I got up to the OHV I found the gate closed, but unlocked. That generally means there's someone up there. I pulled up to the frost free faucet, scanning the compound. I spotted movement inside the equipment yard. Its about 1/4 mile away from the Welcome Center, where I was. I stayed in my seat. It wasn't long before a white pickup was headed my way. The gentleman who was driving, pulled up in front of me and rolled down his window. He barked, 
     "We're closed." Thats exactly how I would have said it if our roles were reversed. I smiled pleasantly, mentally rehearsing the things I should say to get past this hurdle with the best possible outcome. He got out of his pickup and strode to my driver's side window. "We're closed!" He barked again, more forcefully. I nodded, smiled and placing one hand to my collarbone I said who I was. That was as far as I got.
    "I KNOW who YOU are!" He exclaimed, backing away, a trace of alarm in his expression. His reaction was almost like I was radio active. I smiled, hopefully reassuringly, and waved to him as he jumped back in his pickup. He smiled in return, and drove away. Well, that went better than I expected too. I waited for the fumes to dissipate then climbed out into the snowstorm to fill the water. I tried making a couple of calls while I was waiting for the tank to fill. I was able to get Ron, though not my messages. They showed up while I was dialing. There were 2. The worried me the whole time I was getting water. AfterI got everything put away I went up to the cell spot and retrieved the messages: Just a concerned friend and a pocket dial. Then I talked to my son, left a message for my daughter, and had a pleasant chat with my dad. He was doing pretty good today. Not cantankerous. Then I tried the friend who'd left me the voice mail. I hadn't been able to make the connection with her last week. This time the call went through. She'd been getting worried, and was relieved to hear from me. 

The storm intensified so Rosie and I drove back down to Anson-Wright through an almost white-out storm of snow and hail. It was 2:30 p.m. The gate was still open. I got us set up and Rosie let me know she needed to go out again. We went out before I changed out of my waste clothes, just in case. We're mostly set back up.  I have a head ache, my throat is sore and my skin feels crusty and burny. I have a sore developing under my tongue and my lips are cracked and bleeding. If thats the worst of it, I'll be relieved.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

7:45 a.m.
Painful night, but on my personal scale from best to worst, just a 5. Fibro pain in my back like someone's searing me with a glowing fire iron. Its only a few spots, so thats not too bad. Lymph pain in my neck and jaw. My teeth ache. I had dreams of losing more teeth. Headache like the top of my head's going to blow open. My eyes are full of goo. I got a little chilled when I had to let Rosie out for diarrhea in the early morning hours (Mild, no blood. She had more diarrhea this morning, too), chest congestion. I still couldn't tell you if the reactions are to internal toxins (adrenalin, etc) or external (pesticides used to grow or process the seed). All-in-all thats still not that bad. Its sad that this is my new "normal" and I can be thankful, even happy, that it wasn't any worse. 

Sunday, March 27, 2016

6:50 a.m.
Happy Resurrection Day! 

My husband got delayed and arrived yesterday after noon. He was late because he slept in. He woke up at the usual time but decided to just lay there for a few more minutes. He woke up again 2 hrs later. I'm letting him sleep in now. He needs it. Mostly we talked. I've missed having another person to talk to. We did go for a long drive looking at property, access and utility availability in the local area. There are a couple of roads I've noticed on my way up that I've wanted to explore. I've been  hesitant to take my RV on unknown roads because of its size and (lack of) maneuverability.  He drove up in my Baja, so we took it. One of the roads we checked out would have been a disaster in the RV. I definitely don't want property up that road. No one could get up or down it in the winter, even in a 4 wheel drive car. It was a county road but quickly turned into little more than a hunting track that was carved out of the side of the steep hillsides. The other road we checked out was the "highway" that intersect just outside the camp. Only its not a highway! Its a gravel road. The residents drive It like its a highway. They come screaming down it, usually around 50 mph. I just assumed it was a highway! We didn't see any "for sale" signs on our drive, but there are some leads/possibilities. 

Ron brought food and water up for himself again. He didn't want to deplete my stores. Plus we don't eat the same things. I took out some steaks for him. He brought some canned beets, and swiss cheese. I had intended to cook them for him, but he wanted to do it himself. I think he had a good time playing around in my "toy kitchen." He has a boat he's refurbishing that has a tiny galley. It was an opportunity to practice.  I shared my water conservation technique for doing dishes, along with a few other tips and tricks. I had eaten my usual soup at noon. I can only eat once a day, and it has to be around the middle of the day, since it doesn't go down very well. So I didn't eat anything for dinner. In fact, I only woke up this early because of regurg. Apparently yesterday's soup didn't go down at all. Anyway, I'm about to take my coffee grinder outside to grind beans, in the hopes that it won't wake him up. He looks so tired. He needs the rest. It breaks my heart to see what my condition is doing to him. I so long to have a safe place where I can take my life, and chores back. 

Rosie and I already went out for her first morning business.

6:15 p.m.
Ron left at 12:30 p.m. His snares arrived Friday, and he wanted to set them in the daylight.  He shared with me that the evil neighbors demanded (via the deputy) that Ron tell them were he was placing the traps. They bald faced lied to the deputy, saying they needed to know because they didn't want to get caught in them when they were working on the fence!!! Wow! Its not their fence. Its ours. Its a foot on our side of the property line and they refused to pay for their half. They don't ever work on it. We wouldn't put it past "Mr. Evil" to be planning to go out and spring the traps.  We figured that's why he wanted to know. Come to think of it, he never even leaves his yard. He gave the deputy his cell phone number and told him to give it to Ron so "we could communicate better." Hah! Ron refused it. "Mrs. Evil" set me up that way, before. She'd call the house after she saw me leave for a Dr.'s appointment and ask me to call her at work about something. Then when I would she'd fake an argument on her end that made it sound like I was harassing her. Then they reported me to the cops for harassment and had the call records plus her bosses "testimony" to "prove" it. We're not going there again. Ron told the deputy he wasn't setting traps because our animals would get caught in them, he was setting snares in the fence so that only the predators would get caught.  Apparently the Evils also told or implied to the deputy it was our dog that killed the sheep. Ron told the deputy that our dog only goes outside when someone is with it. Which is true. As my service dog, we're never apart. The only exception is when someone has sprayed, trapping me inside and Ron takes her out. I don't know why he didn't mention that Rosie and I have been up here during the time the sheep were killed. I suppose he didn't want the information getting back to "the Evils."

Before he left we went on walks. We talked. Mostly about family members health and well being. I found out that my daughter-in-law was trying to get everyone to come up here to camp with me for Easter weekend. That was sweet, but it is so cold, we couldn't be outside for long. They'd freeze. They are thinking about mother's day. I didn't mention it, but the camps will be open then, there might be other campers. I wouldn't be able to get outside if there were.

I urged Ron to follow up on those property leads this week. I don't want to miss another opportunity. I assured him that we wouldn't have to jump into a purchase right away, but it was important to let them know we were interested so they didn't sell to someone else. We could ask if I could camp out there, to see if it would work for me. That way I could find out if there were problems and have a private piece of land, that I wouldn't have the public walking up on me, or equipment fumes. 

After he left I played a wii game to take my mind off of feeling forsaken and abandoned. I can't help it. When people leave me behind, thats how I feel. Rosie and I went out for a walk at 5:30 p.m. and jumped some deer. Rosie's guts are doing much better. The different brand of yogurt that Ron brought has definitely helped. 

Monday, March 28, 2016

7:00 a.m
I spent last evening weeping and praying. The Lord brought to my mind Jeremiah 29:11
""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

I looked it up. The verses following it were also very relevant. 
Jeremiah 29:12-14a
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart. " I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." "

These are verses given to Jeremiah, the prophet, for the Jewish exiles in Babylon. I was comforted, and found hope. I went to bed peaceful.

This morning dawned 'not as cold.' There are high, thin clouds and frost on the ground, but it is relatively warmer. The sun is breaking through and beginning to melt the frost. I have not heard from the park manager in a week.

11:20 a.m. 
A cold front has moved in. Its actually colder than when we went out at 6:30 a.m. I'm sitting at the table working on Ryan's belt and Rosie has taken over the whole couch. 

5:00 p.m.
It continued to get colder all day. Its now snowing powder; the wind is rising. We took our walks. I brushed Rosie out. I knit on the belt most of the day. I finished the buckle holes and have an inch left before I can cast off. I quit because my hands and eyes were tired. I'll probably spin this evening. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

9:00 a.m.
Woke up in the night with lymph pain. I got up and put away a few things that I just got out yesterday. I massaged the congested parts and took arnica. Rosie decided it was time to go out. But all she did was stand there. After the second false alarm (she didn't even pee that time either) I snapped at her. She's currently not speaking to me. When I woke up she was in the living room. I sat down next to her head, she got up and turned her back to me. Can you believe it? Her snitty attitude evaporated when I got ready to go outside.  

6:16 p.m.
I spent the majority of the day plying the silver long-wool singles. I figured it might be a good idea to give my hands a rest from knitting. I was feeling gummy  from detoxing so I took a shower in the afternoon. I wasn't hungry, but I made myself eat some soup. The first bowl was so good, I had another. Pretty much a quiet day. Weather wise it was still cold with strong winds out of the North. 

Wednesday, March 30, 2016
8:00 a.m.
 Its a beautiful morning. Not a cloud in the sky. No wind. The sun is streaming in through the cinnamon colored trunks of the pines and lighting up their frosty branches. We went out before coffee and journaling this morning because Rosie tanked up on water in the night and was giving me the "urgent look" as I was getting ready to make coffee. She was telling the truth. We made our way to the top of the knoll thats between me and the highway just in time to get Greg's radio call. He'd thought I'd gone home a week and a half ago. He met up with Ron yesterday at a meeting and found out I was still here. I finally remembered to ask him the name of the property owner who was selling his land. Its the same one I asked Ron to speak to. Greg told me that a water truck would be coming and going all day, drawing water from the pond. I'm guessing for road work... I was mentally working out how we could get out to trim Rosie when we saw the gas powered water pump arrive. That nixes my plans of going out: fumes. I decided to give trimming her inside a cautious try. 

It worked out pretty good. I followed it up by stripping the seat cover and shaking them out the door (yes, fumes). Then  sweeping the floors and cleaning the filters. As I'm typing stray hairs are collecting on my ipad... I'll sweep again in a bit. 

12:40 p.m.
Finished the belt, except for the blocking and buckle. Baking a custard.
I started another knitting project I brought along.

4:30 p.m. 
The water truck left about 3:45 p.m.. Rosie and I went out for a walk 10 minutes later. We could still smell diesel. Rosie's still having intestinal issues. We waved to Greg as he went by, on the highway, headed home. It was a gorgeous day and we had to spend most of it inside. Thats what happens at home, too. The weather gets nice and everybody gets outside and does toxic stuff...

I got 8 rows into my project and decided I didn't like it. I tore it all out and will use that yarn for something else. 

Thursday, March 31, 2016

7:22 a.m.
Its another cold, clear and beautiful dawn. I got more sleep this past night than the night before: Regurg. I woke up with the beginnings of a dehydated headache and the remnants of a lovely dream. The kind you try to catch hold of, but it slips away.  I'm making coffee. 

7:55 a.m.
We're back inside. Good thing too. The water trucks are already running. I could smell diesel exhaust when we went out. We had walked over and looked down on the gate. It was open. We barely got back inside before a water truck came rumbling through.  I washed my face when we got back in, it felt gummy with residue. I developed a number of painful chloracnes from yesterday's exposures. One above my left eyelid, but below my brow. Another on my left temple. Two in my right ear canal. I dread the consequences from this morning's exposures. I had a random thought, while up in the night: If I were to claim a super power, what would it be. Mine would be "Endurance." I'd much rather have the ability to telepathically knock bad people on their butts and keep their poisonous machines from working, but that wasn't the 'super power' I got. 

11:20 a.m.
Well, that didn't work out very well. I had decided that I would wait 30 minutes after the water truck left, then take Rosie out, in case she has more diarrhea. Two minutes before we were going to try it a 'cherry picker' truck drove in. Its diesel too, though smaller with not as much exhaust. It went down to the office. A while later it drove down the park road and parked by the bridge in full view. Then it sat there for 15-20 minutes. I waited 20 minutes after it left to go out. There were still traces of diesel exhaust. We climbed the hill as quickly as my health would allow, to get to fresher air. The deer family was there. The one with the smaller fawns. I haven't seen the other momma or the larger twins in some time. 

As we were walking back t'ward the campground I heard it. The water truck was coming back already. I knew there was no way I could beat it back to the camper and no way to avoid the drifting fumes. They'd be heading right for me. I weighed my option for least net exposure and made a beeline for the RV. The fumes were burning and choking. I tried not to inhale. When we got in I began mitigating actions. I dumped my outer clothing, washed my face, started taking meds and supplements, mixed up a big bowl of fat, sugar and egg and forced myself to eat it. My face, ears, eyes, lips and throat were burning. My head was throbbing. The fibro spots on my back flamed to "high." I washed my face again, this time with warm water. Still have the same symptoms. It sucks to be this vulnerable. This is not working.

12:38 p.m.
It got warm enough outside that both heaters turned off! I had to do a double take to be sure we hadn't tripped a circuit breaker.

3:41 p.m.
The water truck went out and locked the gate at 2:48 p.m.. We waited until 3:10 p.m. and then went out for a lovely sunny walk. It was in the mid to upper 60's. I didn't need any woolens. I felt half dressed. The sun was glorious. We lingered. We dawdled. I stood in patches of sunlight while Rosie sniffed to her hearts content. It felt like spring. Last Friday marked our first mosquito sighting. This week we've seen flies, a bumble bee and today a moth. I saw a fritillary last week. Two blooms in the snow, one frozen. The other one must have frozen, too. I couldn't find it again. Today there was one bloom in the same spot. Spring IS coming.

I have the window and vent open to air it out in here. Finally! 

We went out at 6:30 p.m. My teeth hurt now. I feel nauseous. I think someone may have sprayed.  😫 

Saturday, April 1, 2016

7:30 a.m.
OW!!!!! No fooling. Someone definitely applied something. I hurt like I haven't hurt in years. "Thank you Jesus!" that it doesn't hurt as bad as it used to hurt. My right leg hurts from the sole of my foot clear up to the middle of my back. It reminds me of OP (organophosphate insecticide) or 2,4-D symptoms. My bones hurt so bad I can barely move. Last night about 9:00 p.m. my skin started itching, burning and extruding shards. The lymphs in my chest and back are swollen, its hard to draw breath. 

8:20 a.m.
I scraped myself together and took the dog out. I took meds and masked up before leaving the coach, just in case... Good thing I did. It reeked like Raid. I started to go in our usual direction, t'ward the back of the RV, too strong. I went in the opposite direction, t'ward the front, intending to head up hill. Too strong. I went around behind the RV, still reeked. I made a break for the track above the highway. It was better the further away I got from the RV. We went along the back side of knoll between the camp and the highway. No stink. I checked the gate: closed. While Rosie was doing her business I heard a car door. The crew had arrived. After Rosie finished her business we cautiously worked our way back t'ward the RV. Apparently the stink is right around the RV. It wasn't as strong. People use these poisons without a thought for what they will do to those who are down wind, and beyond the moment. The poisons, once dispersed, don't just "go away." They don't disseminate until they are minutely harmless. They travel in ribbons and clouds. They pool in quiet spots. They can hurt even normals. Its not as violent for normal people, as it is for people like me, but its damaging them none-the-less. Right now waves of pain are engulfing me. My face. My hands. My arms. 

9:00 a.m.
I checked us with my VOC meter. We were loaded. I'm trying to resolve that problem. Only I'm very low on water. Its that day. The IR and UV purifier is helping. I risked opening a ceiling vent. The VOC meter says its cleaner. Once the wind picked up, the cloud of toxins most likely moved on. 

2:44 p.m.
After 10:30 a.m. I risked going out to unhook. I took my VOC meter with me. It said it was clean. Now its more toxic in the RV than out - tracked in contaminants. We went up to OHV. I got water, checked messages and made calls. No spray notices.  I go home tomorrow! Since no one was up there I opened all the windows and vents. That helped. When we got back to Anson-Wright, and set up,  I showered long and hot, with all the vents open. I currently have all the salon windows open wide too. Its 68°F. I'm running 2 purifiers. I've beat the pain back down to an endurable level. Its so gorgeous outside I long to sit out in a camp chair and enjoy the day. I can't risk it here, but I dream of the day I'll have my own piece of wilderness property and will be able to set things out, go in and out at will, and be free to live a "normal-like" life. I'll be able to set up the main awning and not worry about having to break down in a hurry. I could have the windows and vents open and not have to maintain a constant vigil for toxic intruders. I could put the windshield cover on so we don't lose as much heat! Heck! I could let the dog out to play and potty without being on a lead! I'd kinda forgotten that real people do that on their own place. 

Saturday, April 2, 2016
Going home day. 

6:50 a.m.
I had trouble falling asleep. Anxiety. Longing to be home but fearing that the poisons were still present. Longing for my own safe place. I finally had to "cast all my cares" on Jesus. I repeated Psalm 23, and as much of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a as I could remember. Those are the memory verses I'm working on. I lost so much from the chemical brain damage. I'm trying to get it back. I'm having trouble with verse 5: "It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

Then there was the interstitial cystitis, or "chemical burn of the bladder." I'd no sooner lay down and get comfortable when it would start burning again like I had to pee. Ahh, Toxic Injury the gift that keeps on giving...

It was such a beautiful day yesterday I couldn't resist going out. We went for 2 of our long walks. My feet and ankles hurt so bad from the exposure it felt like I was walking on broken bones. So they weren't walks so much as "hobbles." The sun felt grand and since I was going so slow Rosie got to sniff as much as she liked.  It was a risk but it was too much to resist. We've been locked in here, in the cold, with gloomy weather for so long. I needed the sun. 

I'm waiting for the sun to come up and melt away the frost before we pack up and head out. I have so much to do when I get back. Those taxes are still waiting and were down to the wire. Rosie will need clipping because its so much warmer there. My house needs cleaning, I'm sure. Sigh. 

8:38 a.m.
Now we're waiting on hot water to wash the last of the dishes. Everything else besides emptying the grey water one last time, unplugging and packing up the stacks, is ready to go. 


April 4, 2016

They didn't fix my internet while I was away. They're supposed to send someone this morning. I need it to finish the taxes...

There is still considerable pesticide present. Its making me sick, dizzy and lame. It seems to be getting worse each day.

I almost have the RV laundry finished. Rosie is mostly clipped. All the floors but the laundry room have been cleaned. 

We had my daughter and her family over for dinner last night. Ron made fish and chips, I baked a cake for the birthday and anniversary I missed while in exile. My son-in-law has declared Penuche his new favorite frosting. We sang "happy birthday" and Joey boy sang along adorably. Toby is almost crawling. 

Rosie started heat bleeding. It appears to be a menopausal bleed. Less than normal swelling. Three and a half months late.