Saturday, September 16, 2017
Ron got here at midnight last night. I was sleeping. He said it was 28°F outside. It was 39°F inside in the morning. Good to know we were 11°F warmer inside! Ron and I did the trespasser's hike. I didn't smell anything new. We split up at the top of Huckleberry. He went down the backside, and I retraced my steps from the last time I was there. I 'd lost a button. Didn't find it. We met back at camp. No fresh sign of trespassers. A few tracks from bear, probably the day before. Since we're expecting even colder temps this week, and rain, I decided to move my RV back to the warmer spot. The ground won't get as soggy. First I needed to trim some branches from the trees on that side of the yard. I did that, and took on supplies while Ron took his survey equipment over to the 80 and located some property lines. When he got back we went to town for the dump and fill. We set the RV up in the different spot when we returned. My step was so high off the ground in this spot that I picked out a nice large, sorta flat rock and Ron dug it up and put in the wagon. We hauled it back to camp and he set it up nice and stable for me to use as an extra step.
We had to fix the muck rake handle again. It broke after about 8 cow pies. Ron brought a metal handle this time. Then we just sat and enjoyed the evening. He went home just before dark.
Sunday, September 17, 2017
I woke up with a terrible pituitary headache and lymph and body pain that was so painful I couldn't move. I'd got a couple of fume exposures yesterday but I hadn't been reacting to them, so I didn't bother to mention them. Guess the trespasser exposures have me glute depleted. It took me a while to get going. I was just going to take it easy. I started by doing some laundry and sorting sticks and twigs, with lots of resting. But I finished the whole pile! Wow! The pile started out, the first part of August, as big as a Humvee (lots of air spaces)! I have a couple small mounds of stuff I've raked together, 3" or less, but other than that, I did it! Cut or snapped, sorted and stacked.
And then I was bored.😕
I decided I could start moving the fire circle. They'd built it in a weird spot. If I started on it now, I could have it finished by the weekend, then I wouldn't have to back out of this spot. So I got the wagon and started moving the smaller stones. I discovered the bigger stones weren't as heavy as I expected, so I moved them too. I figured if a stone was too heavy, I'd leave it for Ron. Dang but I didn't get them all moved! And the wood Ron's Dad brought me at the begining of the summer, too. I built the new fire circle between me and "the guest house."
I need to go dig up a few more small stones for the center. I decided I might even want to build the outside up a little more for wind protection. It has been windy all day, which is why I'm thinking about it. But that's going to have to be another day. We came in because it was threatening to rain. It is now. Gentle rain, no thunder and lightening. Its supposed to rain all night and most of tomorrow. I'll have to wait to finish my project.
Monday, September 18, 2017
It was a rainy day. Still raining. They were wrong about the thunder though. Plenty of that today too. Its not as worrisome since its wet, but still... And I don't run the heat while a storms going through since there's thunder. I like to keep track of how close it is. I can't hear it over the generator. So I'm cold.
Its been a distracting day. I'm still having chest and back pain. I did teas and finally a shot. Rosie is "open" so there's that to deal with. I discovered I'd dropped a stitch 20 rows back on Ari's Strawberry Sleeper. That was about the time a really close thunder clapper hit. The discovery, not the dropped stitch. The thunder made it hard to concentrate on fixing it. No excuse for dropping it.
And the internet isn't working. Sigh.
That pretty much sums up the day.
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Up since 12:36 a.m. with painful lymph, chest and back. I've got MALT and achalasia, too! I've bagged everything I can think of that might be causing it: the clothes I was wearing when symptoms started (1st trespasser day), my hat, my work gloves. I'm about this far👌from bagging both Rosie and myself. I'd wash us but its too cold in here. Morphine would be good right now (only its toxic, so no help there). I've zapped myself, massaged lymphs, drunk coffee and C water, taken and applied arnica. I'm taking meds from my box that I haven't taken since May!
Think! What were my exposures? Toxic trespassers, Ron encountered Bob's cows on the 80 (maybe when I heard them and thought Bob was taking them, he was just re-applying insecticide! I don't know! it would be a 3rd hand exposure from cows to Ron to me), the gas fumes from the generator generally, and exhaust from the RV when I got out after "dump and fill", working on the back tailgate of Ron's truck to fix the rake handle (its a diesel. Its always a possibility with diesel), possibly old toxin residue on the partially burned fence posts that were in the old fire pit (didn't smell anything but thats not a guarantee), forest fire smoke on the wind, preservatives in my glute shot (since the states mandated compounding pharmacists injectables have to be batch tested, so only the big guys can afford to make them - they make huge batches and load them up with anti bacterials, etc. Its why I try not to take my shots anymore unless its an emergency). It could have been bad nut butter (ecoli), or an egg that the chicken ate something toxic. The only thing I changed in my diet is that I've been adding an extra egg yolk to get more nutrition, and trying to eat some nut butter mixed with honey and butter. Thats all I can think of. So why now? What is it?! Is it just the accumulation of all those things?
I went on a toxic fume hunt. I'm bagging anything and everything that could possibly contribute, in between trying to knock down the pain with various remedies. I've checked things previously bagged to see if they'd come open! I found two. Still have pain. Not good! Not good at all!
Got the temp up to 63°F. Rinsed my hair, rinsed the dog. Drying us out. Bagged more shit. I've been running air purifiers this whole time. So tired of hurting!
Starting to get an edge up on the pain. Back pain reduced. Ears still painful. Chest is less painful, now mostly sore. Hopefully we can hang onto the improvement. Can't go to bed yet. Too wet. Tomorrow I'm taking the bagged stuff out. Shoes and gloves can be put on the windshield under the cabover, hat on the clothes line. The rest, into the basement bins! The laundry will have to wait its turn. Ugh!
Shutting off the heater and generator. Gonna try going back to bed for awhile. Inside temp after 4.5 hrs of running the heat, 64°F. 😕
Rosie wanted me to get up and turn the heater on at 6:30 a.m.. Sheesh! I had her go get her blankey and tucked her in her dog bed. I wasn't sleeping, too much coffee, but I don't want her getting me up for that. So I won't reward her. I waited before I got up.
Its daylight. Its still raining. Apparently I still don't have internet.
One round of bagged items out.
I was making more toothpaste this morning. Does anyone besides me wonder why the essential oil bottles, that sickies need, are little old lady and sickie unfriendly? I need a day of rest after opening 3, and one day of recovery. There must be a way to make them "child safe" without making them granny and sickie proof. We had a method when I was a kid, it was called "a spanking" if you got into anything that wasn't yours, you got a paddling. Worked like a charm.
Still no internet. Still hurt. Did get a second load of suspected/bagged items out. Darned socks.
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
I ended the day doing better. For the most part it was a rest day yesterday. I watched the rain, and the cows parade past. We are getting a lot of good rain. Gentle showers alternating with hard rain. The ground is soaking it up well.
Still no internet, but Ron was able to get a call through this morning. I've spent the morning cleaning candle lanterns and putting in fresh candles. I'm cleaning the freezer too. I did get a pretty good night's sleep. The hard rain woke me twice, but I got up the first time and ameliorated a MALT problem that was starting up. That was helpful in heading it off.
I'm thinking about how to deal with cold weather better this season. I've ordered some organic cotton fleece and batting to make Rosie a blanket. I ordered some organic duck to remake my camp chair, but am considering ordering (organic) flannel and making lined (or even quilted) pants instead. I need to knit more socks.
Looooong day! I called my cell carrier, USCellular. I wanted to know if they knew anything about my lack of internet... They had cut me off! Apparently there was a 500mb roaming data limit! Ooowee! Was I mad! Not one of the many people I explained my situation to including that I only got 2 bars in "extended 3G", mentioned this, as they talked me into getting 4Gig of data! Extended means its someone else's tower. And they knew it! The guy in the roaming data department chewed me out like I had somehow stolen the extra roaming data I'd been using. He kept saying I should have known about it because it was "in my contract!" I was supposed to have read my contract... I can't do printed material and I didn't get an email copy. I lost my temper. I've switched carriers. I'll now be with Verizon starting Sunday. Here's to the hope of much better service. 🍷The customer service was certainly better. It did take me most of the afternoon. But thats because its me and I can't go into stores. I had to figure out how to get a phone up here safely and quickly and sort out all the other technical stuff. At first I had no internet but the roaming department guy at USCellular that chewed me out must have got nervous, it came back on, but its horribly slow. For a while anyway. It is enough for me to get online and look at phones. I had to call the World's Best Realtor, Roger, and get the Verizon #. Followed by a series of calls to the local store, then customer service multiple times. And the more times I have to explain things, the more distracted I get. The poor guy who finally got it all sorted for me was a monument of patience! Though at the end he couldn't contain his disbelief about bears, wolves, etc, and actually told me he didn't believe me. GFETE (Grinning From Ear To Ear) He thought I was lying and still he was a paragon of patience and politeness! I invited him to read my blog. I hope he does. Kudos to him!!
Thursday, September 21, 2017
More calls to sort out cell and data. Hours of calls. Lot of frustration trying to take the auto pay off my uscellular account. They'd slowed my data speed down so far that captcha won't load. The customer service people at uscellular kept hanging up on me. And I was talking in a calm voice, too! I finally got through to a supervisor! It took me 3 calls asking for a supervisor before I got one.
I did get out to work in the yard for an hour or so. Still weak. Kinda made me sick. Heard shooting south of me. Hiked up to the road and along the front fence. It was just too much, too soon. I came in and bored with being a sickie I copied all my contacts since I'll have to enter them by hand into my new phone.
I almost got the towels off the line. It just started raining again.
Friday, September 22, 2017
I got woke up at 4:30 a.m. by a big rig growling by in low gear on the road. At least I assume it was on the road. I'm guessing it was the lumber company hauling in heavy equipment. It was so loud it sounded like it was right on top of me. I figured it was just echoing off the hills and the sound carrying in the still, cold air. It was supposed to get down to 34°F in town. It's usually 10-20° different up here. I checked my indoor thermometer, 41°F. I was warm enough buried under blankets, but I worried about Rosie. I got up and cranked up the generator and turned on the heat. After an hour and a half it was only 53°F. Rosie was still preferring to stay on the floor with her one thin blankie so I shut everything down and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work. I'm up and drinking left over coffee. I can hear chainsaws on the Timber Co. Property.
Ron was in a cranky mood this morning. I cut the call short. All these years he's told me I'm not allowed to express my anger or frustration at the acts of injustice that have been perpatrated against me, or losses I've endured. I wasn't about to let him snarl at me because he didn't get to go fishing one more time this last week before he buttoned up his boat for the winter.
Rosie and I went out for an early walk in... The sunshine! Yep, it was a beautiful morning. We hiked up to the gate to see what kind of tracks the loud rig left, then along the fence to check out the mud hole. It wasn't too bad.
After breakfast I worked on laundry and moving the old log sections that were scattered around where the old fire pit had been. I moved them out of the way until they can be sawn down to splitting size.
I brought the towels in! They were finally dry. I hung out the rugs.
Raining again. Its an extra rinse for the laundry. Well, as long as they don't get blown off the line.
Saturday, September 23, 2017
The towels are still on the line. Still wet, though the weather report says no rain until after 11:00 a.m..
Elk were bugling in the woods this morning when Rosie and I went out.
Ron called last night in a more controlled mood. I reminded him how he has shut me down when I wanted to express my anger at the injustices. 🤔 "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." I told him if he wanted to calmly express his anger I will certainly listen and be supportive. I've been prevented from doing the things I love for 21 years. I can certainly empathize with his feelings.
He also told me he contacted the well drillers. We're so far down on the list they won't get to us until spring. Once the weather turns bad, they quit for the year and won't start up again until the weather breaks warm again. They said we'd be first on the list in the spring.
Today is Toby's birthday party. Ron's folks are there. They used to come to my kid's birthdays when they were little too. They've always been good about that. Still bites that I can't attend. Still bites that my MIL refers to herself as "Grandma" not "Great Grandma" to my grandkids. That's my name. 😢 feeling like I'm being replaced. Erased. Rubbed out. Dropped in a deep dark hole and forgotten. 👤✏️🚫🕳
Oh yeah, 41°F in here this morning upon waking. Currently 50°F. I did get it up to 53°F when the heater was running.
Sunday, September 24, 2017
Can't sleep. I called Ron while he was at our daughter's to see if Toby liked his birthday presents. I was talking to Tobes when my MIL yells across the room that she has Ari and she got to see her and hold her before me and I still haven't seen her! Then she laughed tauntingly! In the sweetest voice I could conjure up I replied, "What an incredibly kind, thoughtful and sensitive thing to say." I hung up before I burst into tears and upset the boys. Ten minutes later Ron calls. He tells me his Mom has something she wants to say. I remained silent. I couldn't talk through the tightness in my throat. She says, "I'm sorry you're feeling bad."
O.k. That's not an apology. That's s an expression of sympathy and an insincere one at that. An apology acknowledges wrong doing. She didn't even draw a breath between that and beginning a litany of things she knew about Ari because she'd spent time with her and I hadn't. Rubbing my nose in it. I cut her off and redirected the conversation to her hurtful comments. She came back with how she wasn't going to fight with me in a patronizing tone. I rejoined with if you don't want a fight then you shouldn't start one by making malicious, hurtful comments. She kept repeating that she wan't going to fight with me, shouting over me and including that I was mad at the world and taking it out on her. Or something like that. She was using Ron's smart phone and holding it against her face like an old land line. She is 80+ after all. So the whole time she's talking her cheek and jaw are pressing buttons. Finally her cheek hung up on me.
Well, crap! I'd hoped that they would think I lost service again. Obviously there is a hoohaw brewing. I so didn't want to upset the party. Then I cried all the more because now everybody was going to be mad at me. I felt so alone. After awhile I texted Ron. I wanted to talk to my grandsons. Ron texted back that he was about to give Toby his presents and then go home. Everyone was cranky. When he left, he called me. He'd gotten after his mother!!! He'd told her her comments were "uncalled for and she needed to apologize!" He said at first they all thought it was a joke (when he calmed down later he amended it to "she" thought it was a joke). He made it clear he was serious. He didn't hear the apology. He just dialed the phone, made the intro, handed to her and left. She told him I hung up on her. He told me that it was her face that was pushing the buttons. He saw her holding the phone to her face as he left. SMH.
I'm so proud of my husband! His mother has been abusive like this his whole life. It took a lot of courage to break free of the programming/conditioning and stand up to her!