Wednesday, June 28, 2017

The Counter Offer- Accept, Counter or Blow it Off?

Friday, June 2, 2017

9:00 a.m.
Rough night. Tobacco man isn't using organic tobacco. Coughed most of the night. Hurt all over. I was cold. I had to run the generator/heater at 1:30 a.m. Woke up this morning with chemical burns. Still coughing out lung congestion. Really dragging. Curse that creepy stalker! 

Ron, Joey and Toby called on their way to daycare. The boys were not happy about having to go. They wanted to stay home with Poppa, or go to Grandma's house, or "Grandma Mountain." We talked about their visit and the things they and Daisy did here. Too soon they were at daycare. 

I took Rosie out to potty after that. I remembered to take my camera this morning. I wanted to get a pic of this cool pine tree bloom.

Isn't that something? I've never seen one before! 

Waiting for Ron to call back with the offer details...

5:19 p.m.
Ow! Ugh! Whine!  

Around noon, as I'm sitting there by the open windows knitting I hear, "Moo." It was a close by moo, not the distant moos I'd heard earlier as a cattle truck went by on the road. I peer out through the trees and see cows. I grab my cell and go outside and call Roger. I ask him if he knows anything about a lease deal with cows? There appear to be 20-30 pairs. I take about 50 steps t'ward the herd, they are about 300' away and coming on, when the chemical smell engulfs me! Insecticide. Roger hangs up to make some calls as I do an about face and race for shelter. Rosie and I bale into the RV and shut everything down. I call Ron to see if there is any mention of a lease for grazing in the counter offer paperwork. "No. Get out of there!" I dash back out and toss the remaining items into the basement bins. My chair, my drying yarn. Then jump back inside and lock everything down. I'm injured. My throat feels like its been knifed. Roger calls me back, neither the listing agent, nor the executor know anything about cows being there. Roger tells me to leave. I tell him I'm already packing up but I can't get out to open the gate. He says he can be up here at 3:00 p.m. to let me out. I start medicating. Roger and the executor are making calls. Eventually its discovered that there was a miscommunication and one of the relatives thought it was o.k. to put their cows here. There are calls going back and forth all over the place. Ron calling me, calling Roger, Roger talking to one of the other family members who's talking to the cattle rancher. Then there's the calls back to me by both Ron and Roger and "What do you want them to do about ______?" Ron's anxious about wether to stay put or come... I tell him to "Hold off." I drive to the gate and wait for Roger. Eventually I end up parked along side the road, some distance away,  spiraling into the pit. We told Roger to pass along the message to the rancher to dump his next load of cows on the 80 acres south of the road. He let Roger know he'd round up the ones he let out on the piece I was staying on ASAP, in the next day or two, and move them in with the others on the south 80. Ron offered to help round them up. Roger made sure to tell me that it was just a miscommunication. I assured him I wasn't "angry at them," this stuff happens all the time because people just don't know its a problem for me. 

I'm sick, nauseous, have encephalopathy, lymphadenopathy, fibro-flare, chills, raw throat, the shakes and sharp stomach pains. And Rosie had a tick so my skin is crawling. (Though I'm getting more accustomed to dealing with the little fiends. Removed that one with my bare fingers between bouts of nausea.) I'd like to cry but it would take too much energy. I just want to curl up in the fetal position and pass out. My face feels like its made of heavy clay and is sagging. I'm going to have to potty and feed Rosie pretty soon but I just don't have the strength. 

For awhile there I was ready to end the whole deal. I don't know when it will be safe to go back. My beautiful pristine, safe place is contaminated. 😫 😤 😡 I held my tongue about it. I need to get past the panicked, reaction stage before I say anything. I need to think things through.

Deep breath...

I did find out what the contingencies were on the counter offer, and Ron had made some changes and sent them back to Roger. Basically they were putting the responsibility for any existing chemical contamination, D.E.Q. requirements of remediation on same,etc. on us, which we'd have to check with Co. Planning and various offices during the business week to find out if there were any. Ron came back with 'that any easements or accesses by any others discovered would be a deal breaker, and it must be a build-able lot, or that voids the deal as well, with no penalty on us' (we'd get our ernest money back). They'd marketed it as a build-able lot. But, just to be sure, Ron's checking. Roger, when I spoke to him next, confirmed that it was still going forward. I held my tongue. 

Saturday, June 3, 2017

7:06 a.m.
I woke up. Thats the first blessing of the day. I did not want to get this close to solving my major issues, just to expire! That was at 5:00 a.m.. It took me an hour to gather the strength to get up and turn on the generator/heat. It had been a hard night. I remember being awoken in the full dark by searing chest pain with lancing hot pain shooting into my right ear and arm pit. It was so painful it paralyzed me. I remember thinking, "What do I do for this?" And not coming up with an answer. My mind churned, supercharged by adrenaline, like an overloaded engine about to throw a piston rod. It felt like an eternity but in reality it was nano seconds before, "Eventually" I thought, "Maybe if I cough..." I tried. My diaphragm was mostly paralyzed. That's when I realized I could barely breathe. I could feel snot building up, blocking what little wisps of air I could manage to move. I fought the panic. "O' God! This is why chemical exposures make me crazy!" Especially insecticides. I never know when they'll cause this! I've had this before. I fought against the pain, paralysis and terror. I hung on desperately to survive. Finally the chest pain started to ebb. I kept struggling to breathe, to produce a cough, to move the thick, sticky mucus that was blocking my airway. I know it couldn't have been that long, but it felt like forever. Finally the paralysis eased up as well. I was able to cough weakly, then stronger. I was up for a while coughing up the pooled, gelatinous snot from my lungs. Then I collapsed into unconsciousness again. 

This morning my chest is sore. My muscles flaccid, weak. My eyes feel abraded as though they'd been sanded with 60 grit sandpaper. The glands in my jaw, arm pits and back: painful. But I did wake up. Thats a blessing. My skin's still crawling, so its not the thought of ticks; its the chemical. I noticed a number of facciculations. I managed coffee, Rosie's breakfast and my hair. In a moment I'll turn her out, on the long lead, to potty. Then I'm going back to bed. 

Sunday, June 4, 2017

7:14 a.m.
Yesterday was rough and painful. I'm saving you having to hear the whining, griping and moaning by not writing about it. This exposure has made me highly emotional. 

Roger did call to let me know they were moving the cattle Sunday (today). I'm thinking about not returning to the property for a week. I'm guessing they'll use ATVs and its going to get lots of exhaust (in addition to the insecticide) and pretty torn up. It also rained hard yesterday evening. Which means some of the insecticide was washed off the cattle and onto the plants and into the soil and water. I may be parked along the road somewhere for a while. 

Ron is coming today. Besides supplies, we're intending to sign the counter offer. I was looking forward to this being a celebration day. Now... I'm having a hard time with it. Eventually it should be back to being safe. I don't know when that will be, and I'll be hurt every time I "check." Its marred the day. Its like the big black grease hand print that Ron put on my wedding dress the day we got married. We left the church in a horse drawn carriage. The driver said, "Don't touch the rim of the wheel. I greased it." His statement must have gone totally over Ron's head. Ron used the rim to pull himself into the carriage and then grabbed my leg with the same hand to balance himself as he climbed in, across me. Ruined the dress. Oh, I carefully concealed the stain so no one else knew, when we arrived at the reception. I quickly changed into my honeymoon outfit, but the damage was done. I never said anything to Ron, I sucked it up and focused on what was more important.

I'm trying to wrangle myself into the appropriate mood to deal with this. Shouldn't I do the same in this incident as I did with the stain? The emotional part of me wants to kick, scream and have a 7 year old type tantrum, "It's ruined! R-U-I-N-E-D!!!!!!!😫😫😫 Waaaah!" But what good will that do? I need to act like a practical adult. Its hard from the bottom of the pit... Sucking it up. Sucking hard, like a Wendy's milkshake. 

When I took Rosie out this morning I realized its a little bit toxic here. Several of my symptoms escalated: ear, gut and skin pain. Lymphs too. I didn't notice it before because pain is gated. A body can only deal with so many painful things. It takes notice of the most painful and "shelves" the rest. Prioritizing. Since the initial 'most painful things' were resolving, the other things became noticeable. Can't come back here. 

9:44 a.m.
Just had an older model, dark blue truck stop behind us in the middle of the road. He sat there for a few minutes, then rushed by. Don't know what thats about. I had one guy in an older model silver SUV honk real loud and long as he went by on the cross road yesterday evening and a late 20s or early 30s, thin, white guy, brown hair, smoker, in a shiney new white truck, with chrome, gun his engine as he drove right by us and down the road a piece. I'm irritating them somehow.

I've showered, done the dishes and put most of the stuff away. Feeling better. Only a couple of inches of water left in the tank. Squeaking by this week. Now I'm just waiting on Ron.

4:28 p.m.
Tanks refilled, supplies restocked. Counter offer signed. Ron headed off to meet with Roger to hand it over. I relocated further up the road. Hopefully I won't be here too long, or have any trouble. Maybe I was parked in their gun range. I saw some spent cartridges and pop cans set up on some stumps. Right before I left for water a couple of women parked their truck and horse trailer right in front of me. They off loaded their horses, tacked them up, and went for a ride. They were just getting ready to pull out when I returned. Not 5 minutes after we got up here I heard shooting back at the bottom of the road. 

I wanted to share my good news with a couple of good friends... Everyone was busy. So its you and me at the party. Yay! Woohoo! Four long years of searching, and I've done it. I've found a piece of property that meets my needs and we've signed the contract. A set back, with the cows, true, but eventually the pesticide will degrade.

I got news from Ron about my Dad's mental state as well. He's deteriorating. I'd spoken to his wife earlier. She'd asked me if I was aware that "Every 66 seconds, in this country, someone is diagnosed with dementia." I wasn't. "Its an epidemic." She said. I thought, but did not say, "Its our toxic life styles." Our country needs to wake up and stop poisoning themselves.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Waiting, Waiting...

Thursday, May 25, 2015

6:00 a.m.
Other than getting up to run the heat we passed a good night. I did end up with a bit of chest congestion from signing/handling the documents. 

Our morning is peaceful and lovely. You know our routine. We're enjoying it in companionable silence. I did try adding some minced, sautéd dandelion leaves to Rosie's eggs yesterday and today. She likes 'em! This morning I included a scoop of puree'd pumpkin. My coffee's going in good. I'll eat later. I'm also thinking that this might be the day to calk the rear lights and window. I can't remember if I'd said there had been more leaking. I think it had to do with freezing and thawing and freezing again. The surfaces contract in the cold and moisture gets in. Then it freezes and the ice expands, allowing more moisture to get in. Its been dry (other than dew) here and the window area seems pretty dried out again. There are hazy clouds. I'm thinking I should do it today when it warms up enough and if it doesn't rain.

7:42 p.m. 
The clouds built up, it rained and it stayed cold. I did mending instead. I worked at it all day. My coveralls were in pretty bad shape. I can't buy new (bt cotton, processing chemicals), so I'm patching all the worn spots and repairing holes. Most of the wear was from so much washing. 

Ryan called. It was his final commute home from his job in Washington. He's so glad to be done with that! They're loading the moving van this weekend and moving to Texas. His house in Texas is 3 miles from work. He'll even be able to go home for lunch. They're very excited. We're happy for them, but still sad. 

Friday, May 26, 2017

7:13 a.m.
The sun starts peaking through the tops of the trees at 7:00 a.m. in this location. Daylight begins at 4:00 a.m. Remember, I parked in the pine woods. Everywhere the sun hasn't hit yet in the meadow still has frost. Its a little slow in warming up in here this morning. If we can make the deal with the sellers I'm moving my RV to a location with early morning sun, and afternoon shade. On sunny days this spot gets too hot, as the shade is thin. 

9:40 a.m.
We're back from our ramble. Today I wandered on two "trails" I hadn't tried yet. One was a game trail heading southward from the largest pond. The one with the cattails. It ended up intersecting the old skid road that led to "Gooseberry Glade" at the front of the property. The second was a very old, over grown skid trail off of Violet Way that looked like it went up the west side of Huckleberry Hill, but t'wards the front face. It dead ended leading "nowhere." It was actually into a nice thicket, but not anywhere specific at present. And not where I thought it was going. Being out on the trails, soaking up the sun and all the good smells is so healing! I'm loving it.

As beautiful as it is outside, I'm still staying in when it could be a time that someone might show up. I won't have the right to lock everybody out until (and if we get to) closing. Until then, I'm not really safe outside after 9:30 a.m.. 

11:00 a.m.
I found another tick. It was crawling up the inside of my heavy flannel jacket, which I had laid aside when I came back in. Both times I've found one have been after visiting the Huckleberry Hill area. Ugh my skin is crawling! 

Saturday, May 27, 2017

8:30 a.m.
I slept pretty good last night despite an exposure. I'd tried to retrieve my yarn washing bucket out of the rear basement bin yesterday evening. I got hit with fumes from the generator again. Amazingly my reactions were even milder than the last one! I'm thrilled with the progress my body's making now that I'm finally away from constant toxic bombardment. Ron and I are still planning on replacing the gas generator with a liquid propane one. Its less toxic. We are also planning on placing a full size, household propane generator away from my RV, house, barn etc, and burying cable to those locations, so that I can have power outside, without toxins. Thats in addition to a solar system.

   5:31 p.m.
Ron, my daughter and her family arrived at noon. We walked out to one of the ponds and ran the dogs. My daughter's beagle pup Daisy doesn't get to run at home much either, or play with other dogs, so she and Rosie had a great time. My daughter uses only safe for me products on her. Eventually they ended up in the pond. The boys (big and little) found tadpoles and newts in the shallows. We had a picnic lunch of fried chicken and b-b-q hotdogs. There were plenty of chips, crackers and a salad. I didn't eat, but I got to play with the boys and visit. Toby kept marching off into the woods. Everytime an adult would reroute him back to the group, he'd pitch a tantrum as soon as he caught sight of us and figured out what the adult had done. Treachery! Lol. Afterward we walked part way down Violet Way. It was pretty far for 18 mo. old Toby who insisted on walking by himself. We turned around and came back when it became apparent that it was nap time. He was looking pretty glassy eyed and was getting fussy. Then we loaded up everything, including fussy kids, and I followed them back into town so Ron could fill my tanks and dump the waste water. I headed back up here with Rosie, and they headed home over the pass. It was lovely to see them, and not have to be on constant guard against toxins, or suffer with being hurt. Even at Anson-Wright in the off season I was still getting exposures when I went out. It took me awhile to set back up, I included a tick check on both Rosie and myself. Didn't find any. 

6:38 p.m.
I called and checked that my family had got home alright. They were just getting into town. Ron handed the phone to Joey while he ran in and picked up sub sandwiches for supper. Rosie cozied up to the phone to get in on the conversation, too. Joey was ready to come back. 🙂 They put the boys in the tub when they got home, no ticks there either. Then it was time to say goodnight. The evening seemed awfully quiet without them. I went out and started a bucket of laundry. Then Rosie and I settled in for the long quiet evening. 

Sunday, May 28, 2017

1:39 p.m.
It was warm enough last night that I didn't have to run the generator until 4:00 a.m.. I stayed in bed after that, rather than just get up. Rosie and I seemed to have a dawdley morning. I did more bucket laundry. Since I can't use my Panda, I can't get them wrung out very well at all. They're taking longer to dry. I did go out and collect some more dandelion leaves for Rosie's breakfast. We almost stepped on a snake. He was a real long water snake. About 2.5-3 foot. Gave me a start until I realized it was just a yellow racer. We did go on our walk down Violet Way. It always smells so nice, like raspberry tarts.

Its a very quiet morning. I'm doing more mending. I restitched a belt loop and altered a pair of yoga pants. They needed taking in. I talked to my Dad. His demential is a lot worse. Its hard to hear him struggling with cognitive issues. He always prided himself on his mental abilities. Its sad. 

5:35 p.m.
I worked on laundry all day. I've finished the clothes, just waiting for them to dry. I'm washing/soaking the green yarns for my daughter's new baby's sweaters. I finally skeined the 9 balls of red. Ugh. Back hurts. I had to improvise an outdoor "table" to place the skein winder on. Remember, its because the new yarn is stinky, and I have to do it outside. I used an empty 5 gal water jug. So I had to remain bent over to spin the skeiner. 

I spoke with Ron a couple of times. Ryan and his family didn't get out of town until 4:00 p.m.. They're way behind schedule. I hope it was nothing serious. I know they had planned on being at my daughters for dinner at 6:00 p.m.. Surf and turf was the planned menu. Ron was bringing the fish. Ron said he, our daughter and son-in-law decided to go ahead and b-b-q without our son and his family. 

Monday, May 29, 2017
Memorial Day

6:26 a.m.
Good morning! I slept in my bed last night. I only got up once, at 12:30 a.m., or there abouts, to run the heat. It was lovely! O.k. The freezing trek down the hall to the generator switch wasn't lovely, but the rest was. We did get up at 5:30 a.m. to run the heat again. I'm enjoying my coffee. Today's the day that is the seller's deadline for considering our offer. 😐 Neither Ron or I expect them to accept our offer, simply because of the listing agent's previous behaviors. We are hoping for a decent counter offer. However, the property has been on the market for a long time with no other offers. The other beneficiaries are antsy... Waiting is hard. We have discussed our contingency plan if they just blow us off. We're in agreement. No begging, no making a new, higher offer, we just move on to the next property. 

Ryan called me last night. I think it was to help keep him awake. They were pretty exhausted. Michele had the kids with her. He was by himself. Its too quiet for someone that tired. They're driving two trucks with u-haul trailers.  Apparently they've slept (or not slept) the last two nights on the floor. His wife has been down with a virus this last week, and she did the packing! Ryan did most of the loading and the yard maintenance, including pressure washing since he got home Thursday. They met with a realtor team yesterday morning, as well, to sell their current house. He talked to me until he was within 30 minutes from my daughter's. I think it was 9:00 p.m., so they made good time. 

I haven't decided what to do with myself yet today. I like to have a project because it makes the time fly. I do want to add a leveling block under the right front tire. Settling. I noticed it yesterday but didn't want to run the engine with the laundry out. That isn't going to take much time. I guess I could clean... 

9:26 a.m.
We're back from our walk and playing with sticks. It was warmer this morning than it has been. I dressed lighter. It felt weird not putting on a long sleeved over-shirt. Its something I adopted to protect myself from toxins back in '04-'05. I still wore a long sleeved shirt. If we do get this property, I could wear short sleeves outside again. Wow! The layers of normal behavior that I've been forced to give up are staggering. I've been living in defense mode for so long I haven't even thought about a lot of this stuff! 

I took care of the leveling issue. The passenger side lift block was sunk so far into the ground I had to pry it out with a long sharp stick. 

11:00 a.m.
Ron called. He's on his way home from the family breakfast at our daughter's. Ryan and his family are staying over another night and leaving in the morning. They decided it would be smart to get well rested. 👍

5:27 p.m
Rosie and I went for a short walk just before 5:00 p.m.. On our way back I thought I heard someone at the gate, and a car door shut. We high tailed it back to the RV. It was too hot in there, hence the walk, so we shut it down and ran the a/c. Haven't heard anything from the realtors yet...

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

6:24 a.m
I slept all night. It didn't get cold enough for me to need to get up and run the heat. Nice! It is another beautiful sunrise here on the mountain. Joey calls it "Grandma Mountain."

I didn't hear from Roger yesterday, probably this morning. 

2:45 p.m.
I heard from Roger around 9:30 a.m.. He hadn't heard anything from the sellers or their realtor yet. He figured they couldn't get hold of all the multiple owners over the holiday weekend. He'd let me know when he heard anything. I asked him, if they were going to need more time, if I could get an extension?

This morning the window was dry, again. I determined to calk it as soon as the sun was off of it and it cooled, again. Wouldn't you know it, it started clouding up at 1:00 p.m., again. I didn't want to let it go through another wet cycle. I went out and started the job as soon as the back window was the least bit cooler. Interestingly enough, there was a plane hanging above us when I first started out. I turned around and went back inside. It was at 500'. I wonder what thats about? After it left I swept the back window off, then washed it. I discovered that while the existing calking looked good, it was all chalky. No wonder it was leaking. The next discovery was that the tube of calk in the gun had turned weird. It was greyish, and a little translucent. It looked exactly like bull snot. It was also very stiff. It had spent most of the winter in the rear basement bin. I wondered if that was the cause? I had another tube, but there was no guarantee it was any better. It was in the same place all winter. I decided to work with the open tube, even though it was not going to go on nicely. With the impending rain, I needed something on there. It definitely looks like we need to take the window completely out, scrape it down and re-glue and seal it. So this calk won't be permanent. Hopefully it will buy me a little time, and keep the rain out. I wrestled it out of the tube. Literally. It was so thick it took both hands squeezing the trigger for all I was worth to get an inch to come out. Then I smeared it on there as best as I could. Alcohol. A nitrile glove covered finger dipped in alcohol does wonders. Now I'm hoping I get at least an hour before the rain starts so it'll set up. They sky is pretty dark. Ron said they were expecting an evening thunderstorm. Looks like ours will be in the afternoon. Note: I got several whiffs of gas fumes from the generator. The wind was switchy, so I couldn't avoid it.

6:40 p.m.
The first storm passed over us. The second is here. The rain begins. More wind than rain. No thunder.

In the meantime, trespassers were in the forest. I could hear their 4 wheeler idling on the road, and hear them talking in the woods on the other side of the drive. I opened my door, then slammed it shut. They left. We waited an hour, then went to check for fence/gate damage. Looked o.k. They probably climbed through the fence, looking for mushrooms. I could still smell the guys cologne and toothpaste, peuw!!! Near where the 4 wheeler was idling I could smell pipe tobacco.

I heard from Roger before the trespassers showed up. The listing agent says that they're getting their response together. Roger says it sounds very positive. The listing agent was very friendly. Not Rogers typical experience with him, according to Roger. Roger let him know that I had 3 other properties lined up to look at if this one fell through, and I needed to make arrangements to camp on those. This was in context of why we wanted to know what was happening, since I had to leave Thursday. The listing agent suggested that I not worry about that, and that we just write an extension. Good work Roger!  

7:43 p.m.
Its a quiet evening so far. The sky still looks threatening. It didn't rain very hard earlier. Its nice and cool out. I cleaned Rosie's ears so she's avoiding me at present. 

The reason I cleaned them is because she was shaking her head real hard, and leaving her usual spot like it was inhabited by a monster. I kept telling her to get out of my spot, and she would give me the "betrayer!" look. Like I was throwing her to the monster. I figured there could be a bug in there, like a tick... I got the flashlight and the forceps. All I found was detox junk. There was a lot of it. I hadn't done them in awhile because her skin was so fragile it would bleed if it was disturbed. Cleaning her ears made them bleed, which defeated the purpose. So I carefully cleaned each one and had her shake her head real good between them. Bits of black ear gunk flew everywhere. I cleaned up everything I could find. Later as I sat at the table I felt something crawl across my bare back and shoulder. I was wearing an off the shoulder blouse. I blindly swiped at the crawler to knock it off, and jumped up to look for it in the mirror, incase it was still on me. A gigantic black carpenter ant was marching across the seat where I had been. I'm thinking this guy must have been what had taken a wrong turn into Rosie's ear. Unfortunately for him, the generator was running. He ended up in the toilet, where he was "lost at sea."

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

4:40 a.m.
Detoxing from the gas fume exposures. The great news is the only symptoms I've had were a brief stitch in my right side, an hour later, and this detox heat/sweat thing coupled with mild anxiety. Rather than lay there and continue to squirrel, I got up. Rosie chose to stay in bed. 

Its a grey rainy morning. Not hard rain, just light, intermittent showers. No indications, at this point, that the back window is leaking. I'll check again later as the rain started after I woke up. 

I noticed my right hand is sore from the calking gun struggles. 
Roger did come by in the afternoon with an extension to the liability waiver for me to sign. I've got 2 more weeks to stay here while we work on a deal. 

Thursday, June 1, 2017

11:39 a.m.
It rained all night. Not hard, but steady. I was up hacking out cooties but that could have been from the gasoline exposure.  I spent the morning working on knitting. We mostly stayed in. When I needed a break I dug out some supplies and fixed a strip of velcro hook tape that was coming off the wall above the rear window. Its for the window blanket. I also re-sealed the edges of the carbon monoxide detector. Some soot was present on the wall, indicating it was leaking thru.

I had the window open while I was working on my knitting and smelled pipe tobacco. I jumped up and went outside. I sniffed the air. It was coming from the woods across the driveway. I stared real hard in that direction and said real loud, 

"I smell you! I'm going in and get my gun and then I'm going to hunt you down!" I went back inside and leisurely put on my hiking clothes. I wanted to give him time to skedaddle. I didn't really want to catch him, just encourage him not to come here anymore. Since I'm just a guest here I can't complain about "Trespassing." We went out to track him down. I didn't find anybody, I could certainly smell him. I think he's using the tobacco as mosquito repellent. I need those guard dogs. Sigh. Fence first, then dogs. 

Since we were going out, I took my work gloves along and we eventually came to the spot across from that downed tree that both sides hang in the road. Rosie and I climbed through the fence and tossed both pieces back into the bushes on their respective sides. That will give me more options on how I get my RV through that deeply rutted area. As it was, we had been heeling over pretty badly when we went through.  Since it had been raining the mud was slick on the tops of the ruts again. I slipped and slid going across. This time I managed to stay out of the puddle. I'd worn my town shoes as opposed to my lace up ropers. The same ones I was wearing the last time I encountered this puddle. I've been trying to dry my boots out so I can treat them.

When we got back I changed into dry clothes (soaked to the knees) and hung the wet ones to dry. I checked both Rosie and I for ticks since we'd been crawling around in the bushes. Then I mixed up some natural boot wax. I gave my ropers a real good coat. I figured I should quit putting it off. I hope this recipe works well. When my town shoes dry out, I'll do them too. If the sun comes out nice and hot I'll set my shoes out so the oil soaks in good. Presently its still overcast and threatening more rain. 

7:30 p.m.
Ron left me a voicemail saying he'd "... Got this phone call, I'll call you back when I finish mowing." His vocal tone was odd. The wait was agonizing! Who called? My first thought was it was the sheriff's department from this county and I was in trouble for "threatening" the tobacco guy. Then I worried about Ryan and his family, and maybe they had an accident. Then I worried about my Dad! It could even have been the property owner in Morrow county we'd given our contact info to her surveyor to pass on to her when she was ready to sell... So many possibilities. Ron didn't specify.

When Ron called back he told me it was Roger that called. We'd got a counter offer. The amount was one we were comfortable with but there was a lot of lawyer mumbo jumbo to figure out what the contingencies were. Roger sent a copy to Ron, but Ron wasn't going to look at it on his phone. I'd have to wait until tomorrow to find out what the real bottom line was. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

A New Property Trial

Saturday May 20, 2017

7:14 p.m.
I started this leg of the journey nearly 12 hours ago. I woke up later than I anticipated. Yep, I actually slept in. 🙂 I gave Rosie raw meat for breakfast, and I just had coffee. It wasn't difficult to break camp. I hadn't set much out. I just stowed the plants in the shower and put away the drinking water jar. When I drove to a cell reception area I noticed I could sit up straight again. What a relief! I called Ron and found out that he was having trouble with the irrigation system. It had broken in a couple of places. Water everywhere. He'd have to fix it before he could leave to accompany us to look at the property. I told him I'd call when I stopped for gas so he'd know we were in the area. I had a 2 hr drive ahead of me for the first leg.

Our trip down the mountain was uneventful. No spraying. Nice huh? I know I appreciated it. Ron was still running late when I called from the gas station, but said he'd meet me at the rest stop on the highway as soon as he could. Rosie and I went there and tried to find a spot where there was some shade. There wasn't much, but we did alright. It was still early enough that it was fairly cool. Ron wanted to meet there so he could change the oil and filters in my generator. We can't do it at home because its too toxic there. The pesticide gets into the RV even when its as sealed as I can get it. So this is the spot we picked. More cows in this area than crops. He did most of the maintenance, only he needed to take my generator's old air filter to a store  to get the proper replacement. I decided I didn't want to hang out at the rest stop until he got back. It was hot by that time and I couldn't open any windows. I wanted to head for the next mountain location right away, and Ron could follow when he got the part and cleaned up from changing the oil. I drive my RV slower than normal "speed limits" because our area has a lot of gusty wind. I figured even with his errands he'd catch up. And if he didn't, I'd rather wait in the mountains, out of the pesticide zone. He didn't look real pleased about my decision, but Rosie and I headed out. When we got to the area where the property is I realized there were a few short cuts I could amend in the directions for Ron. I normally meet Roger at his church, so I know the directions from there. Those were the ones I gave Ron. I also drove across town and filled up at the mom and pop gas station that will run my card over the phone. I would be using the usual directions, but Ron wouldn't need to do either of those. He could cut out all of that part and wouldn't even need to go into town. As I drove t'ward town I recognized a road sign. I left Ron a voice mail with the shorter route. Then I headed out of town, climbing up into the mountains on dusty gravel roads. In the directions I'd given Ron I had a couple of roads that I didn't know the names of and Ron does not like "incomplete" directions. I called and left him messages with the updated info for those as I came to them. At the very last turn there was no road sign so I pulled over there to wait for Ron. It was gorgeous, sunny and 70°F. We were in deep timber. I opened the windows and Rosie and I luxuriated in the fresh clean air. That was about 3:00 p.m.. Ron called us when he got out of the mountain pass (no cell service). He joined us 40 minutes later. I let him go up the road first in case there were spots he didn't think the RV would make it through. Not much chance of that really. Him thinking that, I mean. He used to fight forest fire in these woods. He's driven a forest fire water tanker truck, at break neck speeds, over roads worse than this. I'm much more cautious. I thought there were a couple of tight spots for my RV on the last mile of the trip, but we got through it. Ron had the gate open when we got here. The track into the property was wide enough for the RV. Ron went in only as far as the track was firm and dry. We don't want to tear up their property by getting the RV stuck. He stopped this side of the huge mud puddle and got out to examine places where I might park. There was an older track that showed where someone else had parked. It was dry and solid. I pulled off there onto a level spot. I parked in an open groove of pine trees carpeted with grass. 

Its beautiful. The air is so clean! I was a bit worried because my refrigerator hadn't been run since 7:00 a.m.. I'd left it closed to conserve cold since I didn't want to use the generator without the air filter. It had been bugging me all day and I'd even figured my milk would have gone bad. So the first thing I did after we stopped was to check the ice packs in the freezer even before Rosie and I got out. They were still frozen! I didn't think they'd last that long. I was pretty impressed. Since they didn't need to be taken care of Ron, Rosie and I went out and hiked through the woods. The walking was easy. There were mostly rolling hills, not steep inclines. We followed a cow track through meadows, to a cattail surrounded pond, and then through some dense timber with lots of underbrush. We hiked to the east fence, then back to the center. We followed a road that led up to the highest point on the the property. We thought it would take us to the back property boundary but we never did get to a fence. This was the steepest area. We climbed up two hills or knobs. There was a lot more underbrush in this area. Much of it was berry patches, huckleberries and gooseberries. I can tell where I'd most likely have problems with bears! It was quite a hike for me since I haven't gotten out much at all since last fall. After a couple of hours we arrived back to were we'd parked. I think we'd both have liked to sit down but we still had to do the supplies. They didn't take long. While Ron put the new air filter in the generator, Rosie and I wandered out to the meadow. In the woods on the far side we could hear the turkeys calling. Its absolutely beautiful. When Ron finished we went out and looked at the ponds in the meadow. Roger called. Yep, we even get cell here. He came out to get the waiver of liability statement we'd signed. He warned us about ticks. Apparently they're having a heavy season. Roger and Ron talked a bit. This is the first time they've met. Right after Roger left, Ron left too. I went in, with Rosie, and shut down windows and vents, then started the generator and colded up the refrigerator. The ice packs in the freezer were still frozen! The frost had melted though, making a big water mess in the fridge. Heh, heh.

The next thing I did was to check for ticks. I didn't find any. I cooked Rosie's dinner and some gruel custard for me. Then when I was typing this I felt something in my hair at the base of my neck. Sure enough, a tick. I knocked it out of my hair and dropped it in the sink. I sprayed it with some mint spray. It didn't immediately go into a death scene like Mrs. Howell from Gilligan's Isle, so I scooped it into a small jar of water and stuck it in the microwave. Next time I fire up the generator I'm going to radiate that sucker. Needless to say, I took a break from journaling and groomed and clipped Rosie. It took me 3 hours. I figured I wouldn't sleep until I got it done anyway. I didn't find any on her. Its now 11:44 p.m.. And my scalp's still crawling like it does when anyone mentions lice.😄

Sunday, May 21, 2017

9:11 a.m.
I'm sitting outside in a camp chair! I haven't done that in years. And I don't have to worry about anyone coming! Its glorious! Rosie and I headed out for an exploratory ramble around 7:00 this morning I remembered to tuck my long pants into my socks to keep the ticks out, and spray us down with essential oils really good). We went north to look at the base of a hill. I was checking for ground saturation, for possible house sites. It kind of morphed into following the water course. I discovered the ponds in the meadow emptied into little streams that wound their way from small pond to small pond all the way to the back of the property. We followed it and found the back fence. There were copses of trees and beautiful meadows of wild flowers. Lupine, Indian paint brush, wild strawberry, snow drops, camas and violets. The trees are mostly fir t'ward the back of the property, Pine in the center, low lying areas. As we approached the back the ground drew together into a small depression with the water gurgling over rocky cascades and passing onto the adjacent property, and down a draw. The fence marched away, uphill  in both directions, east and west, through the timber. To the east it cut across the steep side of the back of the second hill top. The timber and underbrush was extremely dense. Hmmm, ticks... I turned to the west and followed the fence line to the NW corner, as the brush was a lot less dense. Cell reception rose to 5 bars as we climbed the hill on that side. I was very out of breath, even though there was only one steep part. When I reached the west fence I turned south and walked that side. That fence was in much better condition. There was some tagging along that fence line that indicated it was forest service or state forest property on the other side of the fence.  When we came to the marshy meadow part of the fence I saw the mosquitoes fly away from us as fast as they could go! They parted for us like the Red Sea. Man that essential oil spray must be working. Long before I ever came down off the hill my out of shape legs were screaming in protest. I wasn't able to take more than baby steps. Think of it! I baby stepped my way through 1/2 mile of forest. I kept plodding along and made it to the front, southwest corner. I turned and made my way along that fence line, eastward, through the dense undergrowth and firs. There were more gooseberry bushes. There's a ton of arnica. I could wild craft it, if we bought this property. Hmmm... Eventually I made it to the front gate. I'd had enough for today and tottered up the driveway behind Rosie, and to my camp chair. 

Rosie is having the time of her life off leash. This is the first time in years we've been able to do that, too.

I think its time for breakfast!

1:00 p.m.
Last night I'd clipped Rosie down short except for the bottom half of her legs. Too tired. So after breakfast I finished her legs and feet. I draped a couple of pieces of (sink) laundry over a tree branch. Neither Rosie, nor I, are ready for another walk. So we're taking it easy during the warmest part of the day. 

5:45 p.m.
We went out again after 3:00 p.m.. My legs were stiffening up, so I thought it might help. My problem is that once I start, I get carried away. We ended up taking another road that led to the back of the property. It was on the opposite side of the creek that I followed this morning and up in the trees. There are a couple of skid trails that branch off of that, that I was tempted by. But I was trying really hard not to over do it. I made myself stay on the road both ways. I jumped some elk and took pictures of flowers. Here's one: the Northern Bog Violet . Those are lupine leaves at the bottom.

I'm not the only one who's worn out. Rosie is quite content to sleep away the rest of the afternoon. She's giving me dirty looks when I want to go outside. She doesn't even appear to want to come with me. Lol. I can report that at this time there have been no more ticks discovered. I also noticed I'm developing some color. I used to be brown. I have a bit of Native American blood, and looked Native American. I've been housebound for so long, and glutathione lightens skin tone, such that I was pretty pasty. Its nice to see a little color coming back. 

When Ron called this evening, he said we need to get together with Roger to discuss making an offer! I was so excited I couldn't get to sleep!!! I hadn't pushed him. I wanted him to come to a decision on his own.🤔 Still leaving it in God's hands. 

Monday, May 22, 2017

1:26 p.m.
I tried drinking milk yesterday. I couldn't get it down yet. I was up most of the night regurgitating and coughing out lung cooties. I slept in. I didn't get out on today's walk until after 8:00 a.m.. It was already warm. I had decided I'd start at the gate and work my way east. It has dense undergrowth, and mostly fir trees. There are a lot of downed trees in this section that should be cleaned up. Looks like several people had hurled their beverage cans and other garbage over the fence. I hate litterbugs. We had to climb in and out of a couple of small steep draws. Rosie and I worked our way slowly through the underbrush. More gooseberries I think. We reached the corrals in the corner. There was a boggy area in that section too,  but I don't think it lasts all year. There was evidence that it was already drying out. The corral and sorting chute looked in pretty good shape. We turned north and continued parallel to the east fence on a heavily used game trail. There was some sign from either a large dog or possibly a wolf. It was older. No tracks. I was a little nervous about being in the dense brush, with possible predators. I'd have felt better if I already had my livestock guardian dog. The property to the east had been logged and replanted a few years ago. Hopefully its past any need for spraying. They also had a very large, swampy drainage pond on their side, 1/2 a mile in. I could see it in the distance because they'd clear cut that section. Eventually we got back into heavy fir forest on both sides of the fence. We made it to the NE corner. There's 1 bar cell service there. For just a second I debated turning around and going back the way I came. I figured the march along the back fence would be the worst. I decided to give it a go anyway. It couldn't be worse than those brushy draws in the front. Well I was wrong. It wasn't that bad at all. It was even less brushy than the front. The other thing was that it wasn't all that far until we came to the creek. So I've now circumnavigated the entire property on this side of the county road. I came back by the skid road, which I've named "Violet Way" because of all the violets that grow there. I had breakfast: gruel custard. 

Then just as I settled down to enjoy some cool breezes with the windows and vents open a silver SUV drove down the driveway. I slammed everything shut but got a small exposure anyway. I was not fast enough. I voice mailed Roger and reminded him to call the listing agent to tell him I'd really appreciate a heads up when someone is coming out. I texted the gist of the experience to Ron. The people didn't stay, or even get out. They just turned around and left. I called Roger again later, from outside, since I made my first call from inside the RV and they aren't always clear. I also told him that we'd like to get together to discuss making an offer when Ron has had a chance to review the documents. Roger asked if the gate was locked? I knew it was this morning, but I volunteered to go check it. After we did that Rosie and I wandered back up the driveway and examined more areas for a house location. We made that walk short and returned to the RV to rest. 

Ron called me at about 2:00 p.m and let me know he'd emailed Roger requesting comps. This leaving it in God's hands, and trusting Him, while Ron does things his way, is tough! I want to charge in and get it all tied up right away! Sigh... I'm impulsive, Ron's methodical. We balance each other, if I'm patient enough. One of the Fruits of the Spirit that I struggle with is "Self Control." Reining in my impulsiveness.

9:04 p.m.
I was a bit concerned about being caught out after that silver SUV showed up. I stayed around the RV the rest of the day. It got hot out, so I shut everything down and ran the a/c. After I got it cooled down in here. I shut down the generator and took a nap. I needed that after not getting much sleep last night. It stayed hot all afternoon with barely a breeze. Rosie and I went out to the meadow for a short walk before sun down. It was still hot. Rosie's feet must be sore. She ran and played, but not like she used to. I started feeling nauseous so we headed back to the RV. Just as we got to the door I heard a chainsaw fire up on the road out front. Ya' know, the wind was coming from that direction (I didn't smell anything though). Perhaps there was some trace chemical that caused my nausea. There was a tree that had fallen across the road that someone had cut out the part that blocked the road. They didn't cut a very big opening. It made me start to wonder if some property owners are getting ready for a camping weekend...? Hmmm, paranoid maybe? Its the "shell shock."

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

5:21 a.m.
I'm up. Doing the coffee/Rosie breakfast thing. The dew is still heavy on the grass, so I'll wait to go out for a walk. I mixed up more essential oil insect repellant. I took Rosie out just to go potty, in my pajamas! With bed hair! Eeek! I haven't done that before, except in the middle of the night when she had diarrhea and vomiting a year ago winter. No one to see me here. My p.j.s won't get toxed. It was so relaxed and normal. I could have a sane life here. Oh how I hope!!! I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up too high, in case it doesn't work out. The dissapointment would be horrible!!! But I do hope. Hope is growing! This is exactly the kind of property that would give me the best chance. So much about it is right. I know I can never fully prevent all pesticide application, but this is as good as it can get for me. I am hopeful. I realize I haven't had much hope for a very long time. 

9:08 a.m.
Rosie and I went out to play. I was getting ready, filling pockets. I couldn't find her lead. We'd had it yesterday. I realized I must have dropped it when we were playing. So we went out to the pond again, where we'd run and played. Thats right where it was. We spent a few minutes playing fetch and running. Not like I run very far, or fast, but Rosie makes up for it. She runs in wide sweeping circles. Then we hiked up to the front fence to see if whoever had run the chainsaw had cut the tree we thought they had. Nope. Maybe Ron will see where they worked when he comes this weekend? 

We came back by a beautiful little holding pond in a tiny clearing in the woods. We continued on through the pine woods and went over to the cattail pond to look at those meadows and high ground for buildings. I think they'd be perfect for sheep. I want to keep my sheep pretty close to the house and barn. If I have predator trouble, it will be with sheep more than cattle. My more vulnerable critters: sheep, horses, llamas, will all get to stay in those interior fenced meadows. I'll include a few trees inside the fencing for shade. I'll let my cattle wander the rest of the property, except in winter. More likely than not they'll all be in the barn most days in winter. Ron did tell me the other night that I won't get to have my livestock up here this year, if we get this place. I knew that on a certain level. I need a barn and fencing first. Bummer though. I want to take back my farm chores from Ron, so he doesn't have to do them anymore. Dreaming of better times.☺️

After we looked at that area we hiked across t'ward "Cell Hill." Thats the NW corner where we got 5 bars. We didn't go all the way, just until we got two bars. I wanted to be there when Ron called. Except he didn't. Call when I expected him to. While I was waiting I looked down at Rosie, she was soaking wet! Like water dripping off her ears wet. Lol She couldn't have been wetter if she'd gone for a swim. It was the dew. She basically had a dew bath. lol  I was soaked to the knees too. My boots were squishy. I decided I'd head back across the meadow and check out various locations for cell service as we went. I found a two bar location not too far from the RV and rounded up my chair and parked myself there for awhile. On our whole walk this morning Rosie and I played fetch with sticks, and tussled a bit, like she was a normal, carefree dog. She's led just as stressful, always on guard, life as I have. It would be so wonderful to live like normal people again. We sat and just soaked up the fresh air. We listened to the birdsong and the peace of the morning. Its was heavenly. Eventually I called Ron, in case I'd missed him while tramping around in the sheep pastures (no bars, just the phone pole). He was in town buying a hydraulic hose for the backhoe and selenium for the lambs. After our brief chat I realized I was famished. Rosie and I went in. I toweled her off and made my breakfast. I'd made Rosie's while I was drinking coffee, before our walk. My breakfast went in, and that feels so good! Ron called back while I was cooking. I told him my concerns about the people who own the property might want to spend memorial weekend camping up here, just so we didn't get my daughter and her family up here, with me trapped in the RV and not able to visit. Ron had told them that we both liked the place and it looked like we'd be making an offer. They were excited for me and want to see it. My daughter was so excited she started looking for jobs in this area! Wouldn't that be answers to prayer!!! If she got a job up here, and a house in this school district, I'd be able to be the daycare for my grandkids! Wow! That chokes me up and makes me want to cry with joy! 

7:00 p.m.
I rested all afternoon. I'm not used to this "heat." It was almost 80°F. I was just in the snow last week. I haven't acclimated yet. Ron said they had 97°F back home. Too hot! 

He reviewed the comps and records and talked to Roger this evening. He still has a couple of questions. Hopefully he can take care of them first thing in the morning. 

Rosie and I walked out Violet Way beside the creek again this evening. I heard grouse thrumming in the woods up on Huckleberry Hill.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

9:07 a.m.
The wind came up after sundown and I had to go out and put up the awnings. My concern was that they would get torn in the wind. The generator had been off for an hour, so I thought it should be safe. It was. As I rounded the back of the RV a tumultuous blast of wind swirled a tornado of gas and exhaust fumes from under the RV and right around me. I thought, "Oh shit! This is going to be bad!" Only it wasn't! It was only half as bad as I expected. I've been here 5 days and already I'm recovering. Ron said, "Imagine what it will be like at 10 days!" when I told him. 😊

Rosie and I went out for another leisurely walk and play time. My little old invalid legs are getting stronger! 

We are making an offer today! As soon as Ron gets back to his office he can sign the paperwork and fax it to Roger. Roger will bring it to me to sign and write the ernest money deposit. I can hardly stand the wait! Patience. Faith.

8:15 p.m.
I signed the offer at 3:00 p.m. Roger had written in some contingencies for us. One was that I could stay here until closing, if we make a deal. That would be terrific. So now we wait to see what they think of our offer...

If they don't like it and don't counter offer, there are still the three properties that I lined up appointments for, after the listing agent tried to play hardball and wanted me to sign an offer before I'd seen the property. It had made me so mad I contacted some other realtors, in other areas, and started the process of getting permission to camp on those properties. But because Roger has worked so hard for me, when he called to say an owner of the property got me permission to camp here, with just the waiver, I rescheduled the other property dates. I haven't voided those appointments yet. I'll wait until I know whether we have a deal with these people or not. Its that not counting chickens before they hatch thing.

I called my daughter to share my exciting news. I also confirmed they are coming Saturday. Then Joey wanted to talk to Grandma. I heard all about Yoshies with wings, his popsicle, his peanut butter sandwhich (which he calls "bread"), and his collection of rolly-pollies. Since his mommy is an entomologist, the fact that he has a terrarium with rolly-pollies, that he's keeping as pets, should not surprise you. It didn't me. I asked him what they eat and he told me "bread."  I told him they don't eat bread, but he insisted. I heard Mommy in the background saying they don't eat bread as well. My daughter came over and talked about the lettuce, grapes, and carrot sticks they'd put in there. She said there were bite marks on the carrot sticks. I asked if they had names? "No. The turn over is pretty high." she said. Sounds like rolly-pollies are the perfect pets for a 4 year old. Joey was pretty pleased that he caught them in his own yard. Toby intermittently came by to holler "Hi Grandma." Mostly I think he was still eating. 

Friday, June 16, 2017


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Wouldn't you know it, I started having troubles with toxins where I was, and early Wednesday morning I left Anson-Wright and drove up the mountain. My intent was to check with the County Road master, and inquire if he'd sprayed a road I intended to camp along. Only Greg appeared in my rearview mirrors on the way up the foggy, slushy highway. It had snowed in the night. Greg told me he'd find me a place at OHV. So here I am, and I've had two nights of good sleep and going on two days of rest, without torture. The ATVs, dirt bikes and dune buggies buzz bye, but I'm safely inside and their fumes are not as pervasive as pesticide. The molecules are larger, so they don't make their way in. Tomorrow I'll move from this full hook up to one with just water. I went out yesterday evening during the dinner hour and emptied the grey and filled the fresh. No one was brooming about. Tomorrow I'll fill the drinking water, at the new site, before people get up. Its been a welcome relief to not have bad news, or problems to report, when I've talked with my husband. 

5:30 p.m.
I moved today. Another camper pulled in right next to me around 2:00 p.m.. He had 5-6 other spaces between me and the next guys. I would have chosen the middle one. I still can't figure out why people clump up like that. He plugged into the other side of the pedestal that I was using and set up his waste water hose. I feared I would not be able to unhook without harm, even if I waited until the middle of the night. Ever so vaguely I began to smell the chemicals volatizing off them and seeping into my RV. I debated my options. Then I saw him swishing a clothe about his head. He was swarmed by mosquitoes. I knew it wouldn't be long and he would be laying down a fog of insecticide. I called Kirsti and asked her to send the camp host to help me move. I bit back my panicky comments about mosquitoes and impending insecticide. The deputy showed up very quickly and unhooked me and put my lift blocks away. I saw that his back was covered in mosquitos as he bent to put the blocks in the bin. I drove over to my new boondocking spot. A little bit later I saw the sheriff's deputy pass by to check on me. 

When 4:00 p.m. came I took Rosie out. The mosquitoes were thick and ravenous. We didn't spend a lot of time outside. We'll wait until its good and cold before going out again. It was warm and sunny today, which is why the mosquitoes hatched. 

Friday, May 19, 2017

9:30 a.m.


Around 5:30 p.m. yesterday, I think it was 5:30 - 6:00 p.m.
I had the window open and heard a motor. It was a slow rumble. I thought at first it was another boondocker several spots away from me. Then I got suspicious that it was getting louder and shut the windows. Pretty soon I saw an ATV coming. It was the park's and belching out fog. There was a tank under the stacks. Mosquito fogging!!! He passed right in front of my RV, 20 ft. away. I started stowing stuff, and trying to call Ron (it went to voice mail). I grabbed my face mask and put it on. Ron called back and told me to get out of camp!!! I was already trying to, but I had to follow the mosquito fogger. Its a one way road. I hung back, for as much as that would help. I couldn't have told Ron where I was going. I didn't know where to go. Once I left that spot, I lost cell reception. Unglamorous, and unheroic as it was, I was sobbing in fear and grief. I knew it was already too late for me. My lips were burning. My teeth hurt. The only unknown was how bad it was going to get. As I got to the gate I turned up East of Morphine road to Tupper because I couldn't get out to close my generator bin door. The outside of my RV was covered in insecticide. Driving on the highway with an open bin would damage the door. I drove slow. Symptoms had started rising. I was already having trouble with my vision. Savage pain, weakness and spasms flooded my arms, back and abdomen. I looked for a safe place to pull over that had cell. Ron would be frantic. I didn't find one until the top of the ridge before Tupper. When I called Ron I discovered he was already in Heppner. He couldn't just wait at home doing nothing. He wanted to come and at least rinse off my RV. That would help. Spent, and sick as I was I jigged my 30ft RV around on a one lane wide gravel road and headed back down the mountain. Again I drove at a crawl. I sqinted, blinked and rubbed my burning gritty eyes, to force them into focus. Finally I met him at Anson-Wright. He washed off the RV, while I started medicating: IV, mB12, Bh4, arnica, TMG, ATP. Then we drove our rigs back up into the mountains. I had noticed a place that had a graveled drive to pull through, rather than having to back in. I was too sick and it was too dark to back into anything. Ron left. He'd wanted to stay, but he couldn't come in and there was nothing more he could do. I sent him home. I made herbal teas: licorice, burdock root, ginger, milk thistle. Put on extra socks, and shirts under my sweater, and took my blankets to the couch. It was a hard night.

Here are the symptoms I experienced: burning lips, painful throat, thick choking snot, stabbing gut pain, abdominal spasms and clenching, swelling and painful liver, kidney pain, glands in my neck & jaw swelling, facial pain and paralysis, spinal swelling and pain, weakness, encephalopathy, armpit lymphs swollem & painful, chest pain, blurry vision, light sensitivity, ear pain, distorted voice, nausea, muscle spasms, hypothermia as of 10:00 p.m. 

At 12:30 a.m. Woke up with chest and back ice pick pain. I consoled myself by repeatedly telling myself "I've had worse." Only problem was that those times it was before my IV, and IV is the treatment. I've already done the treatment... Frantically I manipulated every accu point I could think of. My stiff, painful neck and jaw got worse, teeth in both sides of my mouth throbbed. Tongue swollen. Urine dark brown. Eventually the chest and back pain subsided. Most symptoms seem to peak around 2:00 a.m.

Woke up after 4:00 a.m. Coughing hard. Thick, heavy lung congestion. Difficulty breathing. Eyes very light sensitive, looking brings on frontal headache. 

I woke again at 6:00 a.m. and made coffee and took Rosie out. I'm weak, spent and exhausted. I still have pain and many of the same symptoms, but they are better than last night. I managed to drive back up to the ridge top for Ron's and my cell phone apt. at 7:30 a.m. Then I found another spot to pull over and made Rosie's breakfast. Its a wrangle around back in spot. My spine and lymphs are still screaming. I'm still weak. I made gruel for me and because I couldn't see, I put garlic in it instead of ginger. Ick. I ate it anyway. Ick. Then I wanted to write this all down, just in case. 

Greg found me. He'd finally received Ron's voicemail this morning. Both he and the camp host are sick to their stomaches over what happened. He apologized profusely. I forgive them, people just don't understand the depth of vulnerability with this condition. Its too outside of normal. The camp maintenance guy who sprayed thought I was still back at B12. He didn't fog right there... They don't get that fogging in the campground while I'm there is "too close." The guy that pulled into B11, was a day early... I was a mess. Talking to Greg about this only made me more aware of all my symptoms and the precariousness of my position. I deal with it best if I can ignore as much as possible. I need to take my mind off of it. Facing it undoes me, leaving me wide open to both the pain, the fear and grief. I'm going to try to rest now. 


So while I was writing that last entry I heard a plane. At first I told myself it was a landowner with a private runway. Then I noticed it seemed to have a circuitous route. It went a round a couple of times. I couldn't lay eyes on it, I hoped it was far enough away. When it flew off, the sound of it's engine diminishing to nothing, I told myself it was O.K. But it came back. I saw it some distance away this time. It was circling, but I couldn't pinpoint where. It left. The third time I caught sight of it a mile away, above the ridge right behind me, and low. Too close! I was debating what to do. It was targeting the area that began from the spot where I was making cell phone calls and back down the ridge behind me. It kept going. I lost sight of it. All of the sudden I heard it again, real close. It buzzed right over the top of me. It was grey with sky blue trim. It was less than 100ft off the deck. I noticed a couple of things very shortly: 1.) the mosquitoes were gone, so were the bees. There were flowering hazel bushes on either side of me. A new bee came in. She landed on the bush, lost coordination and fell to the ground. 2.) my lips started burning. My encephalopathy was rising. So was my spinal swelling...

Whether the plane actually tooted me with insecticide, or was even spraying for mosquitoes, or it was just the aviation fuel I don't know. I just knew I felt more symptoms and needed to get the heck out of there. I pulled out, and headed back down the mountain, radioing Greg every so often incase he was in the field somewhere nearby. My stomach was still in spasm and my back muscles weak. I sat hunched over like an 80 year old. I kept trying to sit up straight, but I couldn't do it. More pain, more terror, more sobbing. Then I saw the camp maintenance guy coming up the road. We both stopped. He also apologized profusely. Which made me cry even more. I hate that. He kept apologizing and saying that he didn't know I'd moved. He told me he doesn't spray that around me. He thought I was at B12, so he didn't spray there. Since I'd followed him out I knew he'd given it a "safe radius" of 50 ft. When he said that I looked him right in the eyes and said, "My radius is half a mile. If you want to spray, come tell me, I'll leave." Looking into his face I didn't see remorse, belief or acceptance. I got the impression his apologies were more about not getting fired. I'll take what I can get. He did say, emphatically, that he'll never do that again! I forgave him too. 

I finally found Greg back at OHV and asked him to hose off my RV. He pressure washed it. I started feeling better after that. Enough that the pain receded from full on crying level. I'd called Ron when I got into cell range, and called him again on the way out. I told both Ron and Greg where I thought I'd be. Greg told me he will come check on me this afternoon. I'll have him let Ron know how I'm doing. I also remembered to call and refill my glute prescription. Then I drove up to try out a different spot along side the road. I took Rosie out when we got here. I'm colding up the refrigerator, and heating water to wash. I'm having toxic sweat. Ugh. Need to get that off. I'm also oil pulling to draw the toxins out of my mouth and teeth. Dang I'm tired. 

4:55 p.m.
BORED! I've been trying to rest. Too much pain to sleep. Too much caffeine, too. I've been drinking coffee to reduce the swelling. I did wash a pair of leggings after washing me up. Cleaned the toilet, too. That tells you how bored I am... And I made more gruel custard. Not much else to do at this point, just waiting for my body to come around. The pain is down to a no crying level. Still suck-pill, but tolerable. 

Rosie doesn't seem to have any trouble sleeping.

She's so cute!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Into the Wind and the Wilderness

Into the Wind and the Wilderness

Friday, May 12, 2017

5:53 a.m.

Its snowing here. I arrived yesterday afternoon amidst a driving rain. Shortly thereafter it became a dense swirling fog. The fog lifted in the evening. We woke up to this.

 We are boondocking. At 4:45 a.m. it was 48°F. I started the generator and the heater. Its up to 57°F.

Yesterday was a day of frustration. I left Anson-Wright early and spent hours at OHV trying to use the internet and make phone calls to arrange a place to go, and arrange gas. I finally left there at noon, still without a place. I thought I had gas arranged but their system rejected my card when entered manually. Its not a process they're familiar with, so I'm thinking it was "operator error." She tried hard. I can't fault her for that. I finally got a message from Roger just before I left cell service area. The Listing agent had a counter suggestion for my offer to sign a waiver. He wanted me to make, and sign, an offer To buy the place BEFORE I had a chance to see the property, then he'd let me stay for two weeks. I said "No." Oh, he said I could put a contingency on it that if it didn't work for my disability then it was void, but that wouldn't hold up in a court of law that doesn't recognize my disability because they're prejudice. Been down that road. 

When I first arrived I went out to open the binge door for the generator. I got a face full of gas fumes. I was instantly sick.

Ron showed up with mountain phone minutes. He didn't want me up here with no way to call for help. He stayed for an hour. It was nice to visit. We walked to keep warm while he told me the news. He told me: Ryan and his family are stopping by on their way back to Texas, He got the job offer, It was a substantial raise, They move in two weeks. They're very excited (Ron and I are heartbroken), Justin's parents are coming in July, I have 12 new lambs now (Ron kept the rams out of the flock until November. They normally don't ovulate past the first half of October. Since they're lambing now, they were ovulating in December. The farmers were drilling endocrine system disrupting ground fumigants all fall clear thru January). Think its connected...? I sure do.

It was a cold, hard night. My symptoms escalated into a major episode (like the last one). With the inside temperatures in the 55-57°F range at best (while running the heater). Without the heater they fell to 43°F. The hypothermia was brutal. My fingers were frozen, the skin paper white. My toes were beyond feeling. The rest of me shook hard enough to rattle my bones. This was even while hunkered in front of the heater, cocooned in woolen blankets and dressed like a Himalayan goat herder. Including the hat. 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

6:30. a.m.
When Ron called me Friday morning he kept telling me "You're babbling..." I wasn't. My tongue was swollen, I couldn't enunciate. I was still very, very sick. I was weak and exhausted. It only seemed like I wasn't making sense. I think the feds sprayed something here.

I rested most of the day, scraping up energy to potty and feed Rosie. I finally managed to make coffee around 11:30 a.m. I ate sometime in the afternoon. 

A couple of guys arrived Friday afternoon as well, to go camping. In a tent. In the snow. One of them had a couple of beautiful black labs that ran around off leash. It made pottying Rosie dicey. If they came running over and had flea and tick treatment on them, I'd be toast. Just the epitaph I'd want, "Killed by a friendly off leash lab."

On Saturday the campers got up early and went somewhere. Probably to breakfast. That made it easier to potty Rosie. 

My daughter called me. We had a nice long Mother's day chat. She was checking to see if the weather was doable for them coming up for lunch. It wasn't. I told her so. And definitely not with the campers here.

Ron came up. He brought up my supplies. We went down for gas. He was following in his own car. We stopped at Willow Creek Dam overlook so he could work on some possible fume leaks and cleaning the generator. When we got back up here I was exhausted. I intended to run the generator to warm it up in here and take a nap. After he left and his fumes dissipated I took Rosie out (it was time for her evening potty and feeding). I'd parked in a different spot away from the campers and the labs. I don't know why people like to "huddle together." SMH Then I cranked up the generator. It purred to life. Only there was no power... I turned it off and waited for the fumes to leave. I went out to the circuit box telling myself it would be o.k. because Ron had just cleaned it all. I checked the circuits. No tripped breakers. I went back in and tried it again. Still no power. I called Ron. His cell was out of the service area. I waited several minutes and tried again. I didn't want him to get halfway home and have to turn around and come back. On the third try I left a voice mail. I still kept trying because sometimes the voice mails don't go through until the next day. Eventually he returned. It felt like hours; it was only 30 minutes. 
There's a breaker on the generator that prevents the power from going through. He said he must have used too much alcohol cleaning everything and caused it to trip. Anyway, by that time, I was so exhausted that as soon as I heated it up in here, I went to bed. Don't worry, I cooked Rosie's dinner while it was warming up. 

I woke up cold at 12:30 a.m. I waited until I was fully awake before getting up to run the heat. We're on a bit of a slant and I didn't want to slip, fall and injure myself because I was groggy. I ran the generator for a couple of hours, on a timer. I next was awakened by the cold at 4:30 a.m.. I repeated the procedure, setting the timer for only an hour. At that point I got up and filled drinking water from my reserve jars under the dinette bench, ground coffee beans and got ready to percolate coffee. At 6:00 a.m. the sun was over the horizon so I opened the blinds. Low and behold! My camping neighbors were packing it in. Literally. They were just about finished loading their vehicles. I didn't know if it was me running the generator at night, or the cold that had them leaving, but they were on their way. After they pulled out I turned off the generator and waited for the air to clear. I actually went out with Rosie and walked around a bit. Breakfast for Rosie was next on the agenda. When I bent over to pick up her dish the scent of decay wafted out of my clothing. The ignobility of this condition is cruel. I now knew I'd have to suck up my resolve and force myself to bathe and tend those chemical burns in the frigid temperatures. I'm not so courageous that I wouldn't wait until it was at least 55°F in here though. No matter how warm the water when you apply it, the evaporation is shocking to an ailing system. So I restarted the generator, made my coffee, ran the heat and rested. Ron called to check on me. He was relieved to hear I spent a better night. The things he did on the outside to block fumes were helpful. He'd slept hard. I was glad. We reviewed our property options. He was out surveying. When he arrived at the sight, I let him go.

9:30 a.m.
I'm tidy, clean and my wounds are treated. I didn't do my hair on the sick day. Lots fell out from the trauma. I had snarls. Big ones. I'd tried doing it yesterday but its hard to do 3 1/2' of hair while weak and wearing 6 layers of woolen clothing. Static... So this morning I peeled off a few layers since I had to wash and dress my chemical burns anyway, and brushed the mess out. First I had to work the braid out. It was like one huge dreadlock. It took me over an hour just to get it snarl free. I was pretty worn out by then so its not the neatest replaiting I've ever done. It got to 60°F in here! The sun's out. It must be warmer outside because the snow's melting. I turned off the generator for awhile.

2:02 p.m.
Its snowed most of the day. Its not sticking. Its still pretty even though its cold. My body's warm enough, its my toes. They hurt with the cold. I guess if it continues cold and snowy there won't be as many visitors to the campground. I'm not doing much of anything, just resting and reading. I wish I'd been able to get that yarn cleaned so I could work on that project. I did crochet Rosie a new ball since I can't find the one I made her before.

Monday, May 15, 2017

6:05 a.m.
I couldn't get it above 50°F in here all night. When I opened the curtain this morning, the sky was clear. There was an inch of new snow on the picnic tables. It was pretty warm when I shut the blinds last night. And the snow had been all melted away. It was so warm I'd removed my hat and unbuttoned sweaters and heavy flannel shirts. It had been so warm I didn't need to stay huddled under blankets and even felt like cooking. I cooked sweet potatoes. I made mashed potatoes with my serving. They were so tasty, but that didn't work out so well. I coughed and gagged all night. I'm still gagging everything up. The sun just hit the window. We're up by 2°s. 

The last 2 times Ron has called me he's complained about weird leg pains and spasms. When I let Rosie out last night, and it was warmer, my teeth, tongue and mouth began reacting big time. I'm sure they sprayed. Leaving here. Don't know where I'm going. 

I drove up the mountain further and followed some signs to a lake. I took a few "roads less travelled" and got my RV into some dicey situations. I got her back out again, no harm done. I found a few more places I could boondock, but no cell service. Ron specifically stated he wanted me someplace with cell. I finally found one. It was right along the road. I made some more realtor calls. No permissions yet. I discovered the property I wanted to look at next is an affiliate of the listing agent for the last piece. The one that wanted me to make an offer without seeing the place. Next option: I called the Morrow County Park's reservationist. She told me no other campers until Friday. So I headed back down the mountain with a check for the gas station in an unlocked basement bin and topped off my tank. Then 
I drove back up the other mountain to "my usual spot." Lots of driving. Not much property progress. I'm so frustrated! 

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

5:50 a.m.
I took a shower soon after I arrived. As soon as the water was hot. I didn't do the waste waters, too tired. I was so looking forward to sleeping in my bed, and not having to get up and down to run the generator. Only I coughed all night. The windows not right yet. ☹️ Its raining. I'll do the waste water when the weather breaks.

12:40 p.m.
Not doing the water. 1.) its snowing, hard. 2.) I'm having another big crash.  

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Forced Out Again

Forced Out Again

Monday May 1, 2017
I'm back at Anson-Wright. Ron got a text late this last Friday afternoon, from Heideman, saying he was "...going to spray next week." I was actually home. Ron texted him back, thanking him for letting us know and telling him  that I couldn't leave our house until Tuesday (I was babysitting Joey and Toby today. My daughter's daycare provider had a dentist apt), so not to spray until after that. I was planning on leaving at the crack of dawn Tuesday morning (tomorrow). So, today at 11:30 a.m. Ron gets another text from Heideman saying he's on his way to spray that field across the road from our house. So, belligerance? Spite? 

Its overcast and threatening to rain... It would be a waste of money to spray today. I think he's just being a jerk. But, I can't afford not to leave. Ron had to cancel his meetings, leave work and come home. I started staging everything that was left (food, clothes) as soon as Ron called me. When he got home he loaded everything in the RV, while I continued to watch the boys, then Rosie and I climbed in. Ron loaded up the boys in his car and took them home. We didn't want them at our house with spraying going on, or our pregnant daughter picking them up in it. He'll finish the babysitting there. 

I'm traumatized from being forced out of my home at basically "gun point," and physically hurt. Someone sprayed a couple of days ago (too far away for me to see) and since I was getting symptoms before Ron called me, nearby as well. It was very toxic outside. Heideman did include in his text that he was just finishing up some other field nearby. I don't know how close that was, or if he was the only one, but it certainly makes the situation worse: stress, exposures. My throat feels like its been cheese grated, my head feels like its going to explode, my chest hurts and my right kidney is screaming. My right eyeball feels like I've been punched in it. I'm not feeling like a very good Christian right now... I'm sick of these bullies. I'm sick of being chemically bludgeoned, and everyone interrupting my life, and robbing me of my home, my health and my free will. And then there's the extortion! I have a very bad case of helpless rage and thirst for vengence. Struggling to turn it over to God.

Tuesday May 2, 2017

5:45 a.m.
I was so angry and sick yesterday I couldn't get past it to share any of the more pleasant things that had happened in the week that I was home. I was babysitting Joey and Tobes yesterday. We were having a very good time. I was supposed to get a call from my realtor yesterday afternoon. I was arranging to camp out on a property I liked, so I could really look it over and decide if it would work and if I liked it enough to make an offer on it. Now thats on hold until I drive up to OHV Thursday to make my calls.

Last Monday, a week ago yesterday, I drove my baja and looked at 2 properties. The first one was remote, very remote. There are no neighbors. It is the right shape. It has lots of timber and isn't too steep. It has no improvements. The road is passible, with a few rough spots. No gullies or wash outs, but big mud holes. One I fell into. Not with my car, but while I was walking. I was looking for property corners and not paying enough attention to where I was walking. I stepped on the high part, to avoid the mud puddle, only it was covered with an inch of clay slip. Sloop, down I went, splat! Right into the deep mud. It was thick, slippery, heavy clay. The first time I fell, I landed on my knee and one hand. I struggled to get my feet under me, and carefully stood up, sloop! Down I went again. The "bottom" wasn't level either. By the time I finally got out of there I looked like I'd been mud wrestling with a pig. My realtor was horrified. He was afraid I'd hurt myself. He wouldn't even laugh when I cracked jokes about it. Honestly, other than being covered in mud with big globs of mud stuck to each hand, I was fine. Not even my pride was injured. You guys know the horrific symptoms I go through, spewing disgusting nastiness from various orafices, and pores. What's a little mud wallowing compared to that? When I finally extracted myself from the morass, I continued looking for the property corners. I cleaned my hands off on a pine tree. I figured the rest would eventually dry and fall off. Later I came upon some running water, and washed the rest of the mud from my hands. The property does not have year around access.

The second listing was beautiful. It had a small lovely cabin and a separate 3 car garage with a studio apartment over the top. The road was excellent. And it was all year access (they plow past that property). It had power, phone, water, the works. The views were spectacular. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. If I had the money on my own, I'd have made an offer on the spot. Only I don't. Its both my husband's and my money, so he gets a say. Which is a good thing, there were a couple of issues. The cabin had vinyl flooring and carpet. I could seal those. The worst one was that the property was only a 1/4 mile across. That little voice niggled at my conscience, "Too narrow." Right on the opposite side of the west fence, there was a well head. Was it shared? That wouldn't work. Othe people like to dump clorine in wells. Was someone planning on putting a house near that well head? I ignored that little voice. I still wanted it. I wanted a "quick, pretty, easy" solution. It was priced well above the county assessors real market value. I wanted Ron to come see it, then we'd make the owner an offer we could afford and see what happened. 

I spent the next day recovering from the exposures I'd gotten. It had been pouring rain/snow during that day. The temp was below 50°F, which meant I had to use the defroster (outside air). Lots of glyphosate exposures, I'm sure. Everywhere I went on the drive to and from the properties I saw the yellow-gold of fields of dying vegetation from gylphosate spraying. I tried to avoid using the defrost near those fields but one has to see clearly while driving... My realtor uses fragranced products, but he does a pretty good job of staying down wind. So I suffered last Tuesday. Wednesday morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m. knowing with certainty that if I bought that property, I'd worry every day about someone building on that adjacent piece, next to the fence and wellhead. Eventually someone would. It took me several hours to come to terms with it. I finally called Roger (my realtor - best realtor ever!), and told him it was off the list, and why. I told him I'd have to look at how much power to the first property would cost. I spent the rest of the week researching that. Grid power, would cost at least $80,000 to bring it to the edge of the property, not including rights of way across other people's property, and 5 years of maintainance. Not an option. Eventually I, with some help from Ron, figured out an affordable plan for off grid power, that would make it doable. I contacted Roger. He was contacting the listing agent and owner for permission to camp there...

Meanwhile I did laundry, refitted the RV, and took lots and lots of glorious showers. I was trying to work the toxins out of my skin. It was still toxic at home. I wasn't able to take Rosie out; Ron had to do it. We did have Joey spend the night Friday night and Ron brought Toby over Saturday, as well. My daughter and son-in-law were having company on Sunday and house cleaning goes so much faster when the kids are at Poppa and Grandma's. A win, win, win. Joey loves to stay at Grandma's. I make him pancakes whenever he asks for them. He gets to help make them. For breakfast, pancakes and scrambled eggs. For lunch we had pancakes, baked beans and a side of greenbeans with bacon. Lol. It was nitrate free bacon. You get the picture. Sunday Ron and I made a big batch of red sauce, so I could feed the boys spaghetti on Monday (with their pancakes), and Ron would have premade food for the week.

On Saturday Ron replaced the broken running lights on the back of the RV that were leaking. Instead of ordering just replacement lenses he'd found and ordered some sealed, gasketed whole units. He inspected around the window and reported that the seal looked fine, it wasn't leaking there. He inspect the mounting for the backup camera and reported no leaks there as well. It had all apparently been the lights. Then on Sunday I'd gone out and stripped and cleaned around the inside of the rear window, and resealed it with duct tape. I want to be sure we've found all the leaks before I seal it permanently with calk. If its still leaking somewhere, the duct tape will get damp and come up sooner than the calk would deteriorate. The leak in the cab, where we applied duct tape under the cowling, sealed up. I think because it was warm enough for the duct tape to finally stick to the metal. I contacted a Ford repair guy and got a schematic of all the seals that might possibly be leaking, so we can figure out which one(s) to order. Only we have to wait until we're in a safe place. Ron would have to poor water over the suspects on the outside while I watched the inside. I need to do that with the cab door open, since lying on my back across the driver's seat with my head shoved under the dash is not an option for this old body.

I ordered baby yarn to make babysets for my expected granddaughter. They arrived yesterday. Ron collected them off the porch and sealed them in ziplock freezer bags. I have them with me. When I get enough water somewhere, I'll wash them.

I think that catches you up to date. I'm airing out the RV today, through the vents. It got lots of toxins in it with the loading. I didn't do it yesterday because we drove up through farm country. Lots of glyphosate sprayed fields. No one spraying that I could see though. It rained last night, so I figure the outside is rinsed off. A couple more rain showers and I'll be able to open the windows. No leaking or dampness around the backwindow. I haven't checked the diaper yet. I'm not up to crawling under the steering wheel. 

Saturday May 6, 2017
O' drat!! My blogger app glitched and I lost my diary entries from Wednesday through yesterday. I hate that! Let me see if I can recap:

-Tuesday May 2, 2017
Following that previous post things started going down hill rapidly. Thats the way it is with this condition. You go along, doing the best you can, dealing with it, then suddenly it gets bad like a tidalwave. I recognized the signs that it was coming and took all my meds to head it off, even my shots. Even so, it was an extremely bad episode. I was wondering there if I was getting past this one. Everything was screaming in pain. Every organ, muscle, bone and tissue. My kidneys went AWOL and my bladder felt like it was full of glass slivers. Hypothermia set in. Lymphadenopathy, RA, spinal swelling invaded and took over. I got IBS, including peristalsis. The brain swelling escalated to full blown encephalopathy and my lungs filled up with fluid to the point I could barely breath. I was so weak and sick I could barely take care of myself. This has got to stop. I can't do this anymore!

Eventually I passed out. When I woke up it was less painful. It got slowly better. I can't remember anything else about Tuesday.

-Wednesday May 3, 2017

The park guys showed up early and started working on turning on the water. I continued working on recovery. It was 70°F today! I ran the a/c. Thats all I can remember. I think I might have read and worked on fiber.

-Thursday May 4, 2017

Greg chatted with me over the radio when he arrived in the morning. He let me know the water was working and Bill was arriving that morning. He found out I'd been having a rough week and didn't want me driving up to OHV to make phone calls. He's a medic. I follow his medical council when I'm up here. He left a cordless phone from inside the office out on the park bench for me. He advised me to make my calls right away as Bill was supposed to arrive any minute. They left and I broke down the RV and drove down there. I couldn't afford to be caught out if Bill arrived while I was walking to or from, or making calls. So I took my safe space with me. I only called Ron and Roger because the calls were long distance and I was supposed to have only a few minutes. 

After resting, and heating water I showered. Glorious! Then I washed Rosie at the outside wash station. Later that day I did laundry in my Panda wash machine and hung the clothes on the line to dry. It was another 70°F day. Rosie was too hot. I realized I needed to gather strength to clip her ASAP. 

Bill didn't show up today. Greg returned in the evening to put away the phone. 

Friday May 5, 2017

I didn't have a good night. I was awakened by pain at 2:00 a.m.and spent a couple hours up trying to mitigate it. I slept in until 8:30 a.m. It was raining hard when I woke up. I had a tough time getting going. It finally stopped raining at noon. I gathered my equipment and Rosie and went outside. I don't do the clipping in the RV. It would be horrific trying to corral all the loose hair. My goal was to remove the major heat trapping fur first. I got her face and neck done very quickly. Then removed a good part of her back fur. She had a 4" staple. Only with all the dead skin cells and peeling she has going on I had to switch from clippers to scissors. The sun came out about 1:15 p.m.. It wasn't long before my porphyria started acting up. I'm so injured/depleted I just don't have the reserves. I got pretty nauseous and dizzy, but I persevered until I had everything done but her legs and feet.  I trimmed the feet up a little bit, just so they wouldn't look like mops, but didn't tackle the hair between her toes or pads. I had been putting the shorn hair into a plastic garbage bag. Most of it anyway. I cleaned up the majority of the stuff that had escaped me and tossed our equipment inside. Rosie had been a very good girl! There were all kinds of distractions. The wind pushing clumps of moss out of the trees, falling pinecones, rushing creek water, critters scrambling through the under bush, the wooshing of traffic. She was rock solid! Such a good girl. I just had to stop and share that, she earned the accolades. Anyway, I was melting down fast. As soon as we got in the RV I cranked the a/c to "arctic blast" and ate both ATP and spoonfuls of honey. I shucked my hot clothes and put on skimpy, cooler ones. I washed my face in cold water. I grabbed liver treats for Rosie out of the freezer and told her how wonderful she was, then stood under the a/c and made my usual porphyria cure. I collapsed with it on the couch and didn't move for hours. Eventually I got up and made a second batch of porphyria cure. I realized that despite the rush I'd been in and the dizziness, I'd managed to do a pretty good job on Rosie's clip. 


I'm so pleased with her recovery. Its hard to imagine but her whole muzzle had blisters and peeled. Her nose turned white, dry and cracked and the outer layers were falling off. She's recovering amazingly well. It was horrific to watch the symptoms progressing and not be able to stop them. Thank God we finally figured it out!

I hadn't seen Bill arrive this day either. When I gathered my strength to take Rosie out in the evening I saw that the back gate was standing ajar. It hadn't been earlier. I'd checked. O.k. That's not good. I figured either Greg must have left it unlocked for Bill to arrive later Thursday night, or Bill had arrived and didn't get it locked completely. The wind did the rest. He could have come while I was in the galley or even in the bathroom... I wouldn't have seen him, or known. Anyway, I knew I needed to go down there and close it. It was more than I had the strength for. I whined and grumbled the whole way! Since it had been hanging open, I locked it. I wouldn't sleep worrying about it being unlocked and blowing open again during the night. I knew I'd go down and unlock it for Ron on Saturday. When we got back up to the RV, I was so exhausted I could barely stand up to cook Rosie's dinner. It took me a couple more hours to recover from all that. Since I'd dug the dirt devil handheld vacuum out of the closet when I dug out the dog clipping tools, I wanted to get the little bit of vacuuming done before putting it away. I dropped to my knees between the seats and reached through into the cab to vacuum that tiny bit of carpet. It was terribly dirty with pine needles and dog fur bunnies. It didn't take a lot of effort. I was laying forward on the tops of my thighs. So technically I was resting, right?  Its such a small space it didn't take but a minute to run the vacuum over it. Standing back up was the hard part. By the way, don't get a dirt devil hand held vac. No suction. SMH The brushes do pick up the dog hair and flick the pine needles into the head, thats better than nothing. 

And we're caught back up to Saturday.

I had another rough night, but the pain didn't arrive until 5:00 a.m. I was having this dream about these people on a farm. Then the son got fatally injured by a piece of farm equipment. He was supposed to be dead but he wouldn't quit screaming. It was a very disturbing dream. Even in my dream I knew he wasn't supposed to keep screaming, and that it was a dream. It disturbed me so much I woke up. Thats when I discovered how much pain I was in. My body was sending me a message. I got up to deal with it and ended up just staying up. I opened the vents to freshen the air in here, and then a window. I smelled fumes so I shut them all down. We went out to potty Rosie around 6:15 a.m. That alarm was sounding again. We walked down and shut it off. At least I now know how. I need to remember to let Greg know. I took my time doing chores this morning. I shook out the rugs, swept the floor and cleaned the filters. Slowly, slowly, with lots of rests. My chest still hurts. I made herbal tea.

Ron's supposed to come today. 

10:15 a.m.
We just got back from unlocking the gate. Breathing hard. Need to rest before breakfast. Chest still hurts. Lymph inflamed. Lips burning. 

Sunday May 7, 2017

6:20 a.m.

Ron arrived at 11:30 a.m. and stayed until 2:00 p.m.. We alternated walking and sitting on stumps by the fire pit. We talked about all kinds of things: His work, the kids, the park employees activities here, some financial things he's taken care of in my absence. He told me Bill was set up down at the camp office.

Ron did get a call from Roger. The property's executor and listing agent declined my request to camp there. Uhhn! They claimed it was because of "liability." Are they afraid I'll light fires? Chop down trees? Drive all over their property and tear it up? Is he worried I'll have a drunken party with drugs? Shoot the place up? I don't do any of those things. Are they afraid I'll trip, fall, get hurt and sue them? Or get attacked by a bear, etc. and my family will sue? I won't sue. My family won't either. I am well aware that I am the one responsible for taking these risks. Me, no one else. So frustrating. Do they really want to sell this piece of property? Or just not to someone like me? How can they expect me to spend the kind of money a property like that costs on a gamble? Without camping there, thats what it would be. 

Ron and I talked about my alternative locations for Mother's day weekend. The parks open Thursday the 11th, right before Mother's Day. Most likely, I can't stay here. People will come. It will be too toxic. OHV is booked solid for their ATV Poker event. He looked at me, I could see he didn't like saying it, but he suggested Miner's Campground. That's the place where there was shooting in the middle of the night last year. I told Ron I'd be going up the hill to make calls today, but I may wait until Monday. I want to talk to Kirsti at the park reservation's office. I'll have to think about it.

7:20 a.m
Back in from Rosie's walk. Ron brought up the sardines I'd ordered for Rosie. Steve Brown ("Unlocking the Canine Ancestral Diet") includes them in his balanced meals. I wasn't sure she'd like them. She LOVED them! Wiggly body, tail wagging, drooling and bouncing in anticipation, type of loved them! Well, there ya' go.

11:41 a.m
Skeined yarn for my baby sets. Skeined way too many balls of yarn. I did 14, 7 to go. Too many! Fibro! Eeeyeow! I started at 7:30 a.m.  4 hrs of the same repetitive movements, not real bright for someone with fibro. I know better! I just didn't think it had been that long. And I really, really wanted to get that part done. I have the white yarn soaking in a lidded bucket in the rear basement bin. The rest of the colors for the first project are in a separate ziploc bag. I burned the labels in the fire pit. They were pretty stinky. Waiting on hot water for a shower.

2:15 p.m.
I'm done for the day. I realized my dress was contaminated after my shower, so I put it in the laundry, all sealed up. I did the grey and fresh water, as well as the drinking water. I wanted to haul out the Panda and wash my clothes, but I just don't have it in me. I hurt so bad I'm contemplating a shot. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

I drove up to OHV yesterday and made calls and checked listings. Kirsti affirmed they have 6 people coming in to Anson-Wright from the time it opens on Thursday, and through the weekend. I'll be leaving Thursday morning. I'm not sure were I'm going yet. I called Roger and explained in more detail why I need the time camping on a property before I can decide to make an offer. Especially the part about the not being willing to waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on a crap shoot. He's talking to the listing agent again. I will call him on my way down the mountain. If the listing agent still says "no." I guess its the Miner's Campground. I did text Greg about the alarm. He radio'd me later. He hadn't received the text, so I told him about it.

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. with congestion. It escalated from there. I didn't figure out why until I got up at 6:00 a.m.. I'd left the plug open on the kitchen sink. I'm thinking "grey water tank fumes." Think about it. If I wash toxins off in the sink and shower, where do they go? Into the grey water tank. Even after I empty it, theres still residue. Its going to take several cycles through the grey water tank when I'm not getting toxins on me to wash off before they're flushed out. Forgetting to seal the drain was careless and stupid. I can't afford to do that. 

I did my shots. Now I'm going to curl up in a ball and long for the pain to go away and my breathing to get easier.

10:09 a.m.
Saw the park crew and the sheriff go down to Bill's. Don't know what that was about. They left after an hour. Still in pain. Trying everything, including shots. Making herbal tea.

10:30 a.m.
Crawling out of the pit. There's a bit of a bird fest going on outside the window. We have a Steller's Jay, a young Northern Flicker, a Mountain Chickadee and a Junco. 

12:30 p.m.
I went out and rinsed that yarn I had in the bucket. Unfortunately I spilled the yarn in the dirt while trying to pour off the water. Still not doing well but I wanted to get something productive done. Just making more work for myself. I rinsed it out again as best I could and hung it up to dry. I'll try shaking out all the duff when its dry. 

I kept smelling gas fumes when I was out there and noticed the handle to the generator was popped out. It was also unlocked. I know it wasn't out yesterday when I plugged in. Odd. I closed and locked it. I checked the gas gage. It doesn't look like I'm missing fuel. I threw a bucket of water on the ground under that part of the RV. It helped.

I put the pink yarn in a bucket of soapy water, secured the lid and placed that in the rear basement bin. I made sure that was locked, too. Then I went in and rinsed my face. More chest congestion. 

There are two flickers now. The one I thought was young may be a female. The second flicker is definitely male, and of the "Red Shafted" variety. There was also a small bird that resembled the Brown Creeper, but he had more grey than the pics in the Audubon app. Maybe there are other variations of Creepers not pictured?

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

6:25 a.m. 
Another rough night. Up at 4:00 a.m.. So what is it that I have still in my bedroom thats giving me problems?

I'd taken the sealed laundry bag of yarn, that was waiting to be processed and put it in the rear basement bin yesterday. I dried the white yarn on the line. I smelled it, couldn't smell anything. I balled it, and sniffed it again. Nothing. I took all 6 balls inside to put them in my work basket. Just to be extra careful I decided to put them in a ziplock. As I was stuffing them all in and zipping the bag closed I smelled fragrance. The bag went out to the rear basement bin as well. SO FRUSTRATING!!! I'll have to re-skein it and try again.

I'm going to try to run some more laundry today incase thats the problem - either I didn't get the washer cleaned out well enough or my sheets are contaminated. I hate chasing toxins! Maybe its my coat. The dicey part is that I risk things being contaminated here, when they are outside. I so need a safe place! 

7:00 a.m.
Change of plans. I took Rosie out, and smelled wood preservative. Not going to be able to do laundry. I'll have to think of some other way to deal with the problem, at least until the wind changes back. Its blowing out of the south this morning. It was blowing out of the NW, yesterday. 

5:37 p.m
I had problems with "stink on the wind" all day. When the wind changed directions I smelled Bill's cigarettes. I decided the best I could do was strip the bed, air the mattress and bedding (inside), next to the UV purifier, and put on the clean sheets. I sniffed several things I was worried about but didn't find anything else. I took another shower since its going to be awhile until the next one. Greg drove by. I let him know I'd be leaving tomorrow morning. During what I hoped was Bill's dinner hour we went out and topped the fresh water and emptied both waste water tanks. We did jump 2 deer as we came around the back side of the RV. Rosie did excellent. She didn't try to give chase. She got a liver cookie when we got back in. It was, thankfully not smelly while we were out, other than the waste water, but I still ended up with lung and sinus congestion.😤

I've been trying not to stress over the fact that I don't really have a safe place to go. And I've been thinking about the reality that even if I find a safe place to buy, life is still going to be hard. And lonely.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

I had a better night. I woke up at 4:20 a.m. with a little bit of congestion. It was much better than I expected. Once I was conscious all the thoughts, hopes and worries about where I'm going to go flooded in. Couldn't sleep after that. I got up, got dressed and made coffee. I read a novel earlier this week. "Deception" by Randy Alcorn. Its part of the Ollie Chandler series. He always mentioned what kind of coffee the characters were drinking. Is that important? Do people really care about that? Another author I was reading was always mentioning expensive name brand shoes. SMH I don't get it. I can sorta understand the coffee, at least a little bit. But designer shoes? Anyway, if it matters, I'm drinking organic Ethiopian, light roast. I load it up with 3 teaspoons of organic turbinado to a 12 oz. mug, and one of organic cocoa powder. Then I add a dallop of organic half-n-half. My doctor says I'm supposed to drink a quart, or more, of this stuff a day, for the methyls and anti-oxidants. I used to drink just one 6 oz. mug, unless I was painting the house.

When I eventually buy my property, and build my house, it won't need painting. I'm planning to build an earth-sheltered home out of surface bonded blocks and natural stone, or other on-site materials. Low exterior maintenance. Better energy efficiency. I've been reading up on it. I'm also not going to have a lawn. Instead, I'll have rotational sheep pastures all around the house, and a fenced off door yard with all the kinds of herbs and plants that repel fleas, ticks and mosquitos. I think about these kinds of things to quell my worries.

I took Rosie out at 6:00 a.m. I couldn't smell anything, but the lymph tissue in my back and jaw is complaining.