Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Forced Out Again

Forced Out Again

Monday May 1, 2017
I'm back at Anson-Wright. Ron got a text late this last Friday afternoon, from Heideman, saying he was "...going to spray next week." I was actually home. Ron texted him back, thanking him for letting us know and telling him  that I couldn't leave our house until Tuesday (I was babysitting Joey and Toby today. My daughter's daycare provider had a dentist apt), so not to spray until after that. I was planning on leaving at the crack of dawn Tuesday morning (tomorrow). So, today at 11:30 a.m. Ron gets another text from Heideman saying he's on his way to spray that field across the road from our house. So, belligerance? Spite? 

Its overcast and threatening to rain... It would be a waste of money to spray today. I think he's just being a jerk. But, I can't afford not to leave. Ron had to cancel his meetings, leave work and come home. I started staging everything that was left (food, clothes) as soon as Ron called me. When he got home he loaded everything in the RV, while I continued to watch the boys, then Rosie and I climbed in. Ron loaded up the boys in his car and took them home. We didn't want them at our house with spraying going on, or our pregnant daughter picking them up in it. He'll finish the babysitting there. 

I'm traumatized from being forced out of my home at basically "gun point," and physically hurt. Someone sprayed a couple of days ago (too far away for me to see) and since I was getting symptoms before Ron called me, nearby as well. It was very toxic outside. Heideman did include in his text that he was just finishing up some other field nearby. I don't know how close that was, or if he was the only one, but it certainly makes the situation worse: stress, exposures. My throat feels like its been cheese grated, my head feels like its going to explode, my chest hurts and my right kidney is screaming. My right eyeball feels like I've been punched in it. I'm not feeling like a very good Christian right now... I'm sick of these bullies. I'm sick of being chemically bludgeoned, and everyone interrupting my life, and robbing me of my home, my health and my free will. And then there's the extortion! I have a very bad case of helpless rage and thirst for vengence. Struggling to turn it over to God.

Tuesday May 2, 2017

5:45 a.m.
I was so angry and sick yesterday I couldn't get past it to share any of the more pleasant things that had happened in the week that I was home. I was babysitting Joey and Tobes yesterday. We were having a very good time. I was supposed to get a call from my realtor yesterday afternoon. I was arranging to camp out on a property I liked, so I could really look it over and decide if it would work and if I liked it enough to make an offer on it. Now thats on hold until I drive up to OHV Thursday to make my calls.

Last Monday, a week ago yesterday, I drove my baja and looked at 2 properties. The first one was remote, very remote. There are no neighbors. It is the right shape. It has lots of timber and isn't too steep. It has no improvements. The road is passible, with a few rough spots. No gullies or wash outs, but big mud holes. One I fell into. Not with my car, but while I was walking. I was looking for property corners and not paying enough attention to where I was walking. I stepped on the high part, to avoid the mud puddle, only it was covered with an inch of clay slip. Sloop, down I went, splat! Right into the deep mud. It was thick, slippery, heavy clay. The first time I fell, I landed on my knee and one hand. I struggled to get my feet under me, and carefully stood up, sloop! Down I went again. The "bottom" wasn't level either. By the time I finally got out of there I looked like I'd been mud wrestling with a pig. My realtor was horrified. He was afraid I'd hurt myself. He wouldn't even laugh when I cracked jokes about it. Honestly, other than being covered in mud with big globs of mud stuck to each hand, I was fine. Not even my pride was injured. You guys know the horrific symptoms I go through, spewing disgusting nastiness from various orafices, and pores. What's a little mud wallowing compared to that? When I finally extracted myself from the morass, I continued looking for the property corners. I cleaned my hands off on a pine tree. I figured the rest would eventually dry and fall off. Later I came upon some running water, and washed the rest of the mud from my hands. The property does not have year around access.

The second listing was beautiful. It had a small lovely cabin and a separate 3 car garage with a studio apartment over the top. The road was excellent. And it was all year access (they plow past that property). It had power, phone, water, the works. The views were spectacular. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. If I had the money on my own, I'd have made an offer on the spot. Only I don't. Its both my husband's and my money, so he gets a say. Which is a good thing, there were a couple of issues. The cabin had vinyl flooring and carpet. I could seal those. The worst one was that the property was only a 1/4 mile across. That little voice niggled at my conscience, "Too narrow." Right on the opposite side of the west fence, there was a well head. Was it shared? That wouldn't work. Othe people like to dump clorine in wells. Was someone planning on putting a house near that well head? I ignored that little voice. I still wanted it. I wanted a "quick, pretty, easy" solution. It was priced well above the county assessors real market value. I wanted Ron to come see it, then we'd make the owner an offer we could afford and see what happened. 

I spent the next day recovering from the exposures I'd gotten. It had been pouring rain/snow during that day. The temp was below 50°F, which meant I had to use the defroster (outside air). Lots of glyphosate exposures, I'm sure. Everywhere I went on the drive to and from the properties I saw the yellow-gold of fields of dying vegetation from gylphosate spraying. I tried to avoid using the defrost near those fields but one has to see clearly while driving... My realtor uses fragranced products, but he does a pretty good job of staying down wind. So I suffered last Tuesday. Wednesday morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m. knowing with certainty that if I bought that property, I'd worry every day about someone building on that adjacent piece, next to the fence and wellhead. Eventually someone would. It took me several hours to come to terms with it. I finally called Roger (my realtor - best realtor ever!), and told him it was off the list, and why. I told him I'd have to look at how much power to the first property would cost. I spent the rest of the week researching that. Grid power, would cost at least $80,000 to bring it to the edge of the property, not including rights of way across other people's property, and 5 years of maintainance. Not an option. Eventually I, with some help from Ron, figured out an affordable plan for off grid power, that would make it doable. I contacted Roger. He was contacting the listing agent and owner for permission to camp there...

Meanwhile I did laundry, refitted the RV, and took lots and lots of glorious showers. I was trying to work the toxins out of my skin. It was still toxic at home. I wasn't able to take Rosie out; Ron had to do it. We did have Joey spend the night Friday night and Ron brought Toby over Saturday, as well. My daughter and son-in-law were having company on Sunday and house cleaning goes so much faster when the kids are at Poppa and Grandma's. A win, win, win. Joey loves to stay at Grandma's. I make him pancakes whenever he asks for them. He gets to help make them. For breakfast, pancakes and scrambled eggs. For lunch we had pancakes, baked beans and a side of greenbeans with bacon. Lol. It was nitrate free bacon. You get the picture. Sunday Ron and I made a big batch of red sauce, so I could feed the boys spaghetti on Monday (with their pancakes), and Ron would have premade food for the week.

On Saturday Ron replaced the broken running lights on the back of the RV that were leaking. Instead of ordering just replacement lenses he'd found and ordered some sealed, gasketed whole units. He inspected around the window and reported that the seal looked fine, it wasn't leaking there. He inspect the mounting for the backup camera and reported no leaks there as well. It had all apparently been the lights. Then on Sunday I'd gone out and stripped and cleaned around the inside of the rear window, and resealed it with duct tape. I want to be sure we've found all the leaks before I seal it permanently with calk. If its still leaking somewhere, the duct tape will get damp and come up sooner than the calk would deteriorate. The leak in the cab, where we applied duct tape under the cowling, sealed up. I think because it was warm enough for the duct tape to finally stick to the metal. I contacted a Ford repair guy and got a schematic of all the seals that might possibly be leaking, so we can figure out which one(s) to order. Only we have to wait until we're in a safe place. Ron would have to poor water over the suspects on the outside while I watched the inside. I need to do that with the cab door open, since lying on my back across the driver's seat with my head shoved under the dash is not an option for this old body.

I ordered baby yarn to make babysets for my expected granddaughter. They arrived yesterday. Ron collected them off the porch and sealed them in ziplock freezer bags. I have them with me. When I get enough water somewhere, I'll wash them.

I think that catches you up to date. I'm airing out the RV today, through the vents. It got lots of toxins in it with the loading. I didn't do it yesterday because we drove up through farm country. Lots of glyphosate sprayed fields. No one spraying that I could see though. It rained last night, so I figure the outside is rinsed off. A couple more rain showers and I'll be able to open the windows. No leaking or dampness around the backwindow. I haven't checked the diaper yet. I'm not up to crawling under the steering wheel. 

Saturday May 6, 2017
O' drat!! My blogger app glitched and I lost my diary entries from Wednesday through yesterday. I hate that! Let me see if I can recap:

-Tuesday May 2, 2017
Following that previous post things started going down hill rapidly. Thats the way it is with this condition. You go along, doing the best you can, dealing with it, then suddenly it gets bad like a tidalwave. I recognized the signs that it was coming and took all my meds to head it off, even my shots. Even so, it was an extremely bad episode. I was wondering there if I was getting past this one. Everything was screaming in pain. Every organ, muscle, bone and tissue. My kidneys went AWOL and my bladder felt like it was full of glass slivers. Hypothermia set in. Lymphadenopathy, RA, spinal swelling invaded and took over. I got IBS, including peristalsis. The brain swelling escalated to full blown encephalopathy and my lungs filled up with fluid to the point I could barely breath. I was so weak and sick I could barely take care of myself. This has got to stop. I can't do this anymore!

Eventually I passed out. When I woke up it was less painful. It got slowly better. I can't remember anything else about Tuesday.

-Wednesday May 3, 2017

The park guys showed up early and started working on turning on the water. I continued working on recovery. It was 70°F today! I ran the a/c. Thats all I can remember. I think I might have read and worked on fiber.

-Thursday May 4, 2017

Greg chatted with me over the radio when he arrived in the morning. He let me know the water was working and Bill was arriving that morning. He found out I'd been having a rough week and didn't want me driving up to OHV to make phone calls. He's a medic. I follow his medical council when I'm up here. He left a cordless phone from inside the office out on the park bench for me. He advised me to make my calls right away as Bill was supposed to arrive any minute. They left and I broke down the RV and drove down there. I couldn't afford to be caught out if Bill arrived while I was walking to or from, or making calls. So I took my safe space with me. I only called Ron and Roger because the calls were long distance and I was supposed to have only a few minutes. 

After resting, and heating water I showered. Glorious! Then I washed Rosie at the outside wash station. Later that day I did laundry in my Panda wash machine and hung the clothes on the line to dry. It was another 70°F day. Rosie was too hot. I realized I needed to gather strength to clip her ASAP. 

Bill didn't show up today. Greg returned in the evening to put away the phone. 

Friday May 5, 2017

I didn't have a good night. I was awakened by pain at 2:00 a.m.and spent a couple hours up trying to mitigate it. I slept in until 8:30 a.m. It was raining hard when I woke up. I had a tough time getting going. It finally stopped raining at noon. I gathered my equipment and Rosie and went outside. I don't do the clipping in the RV. It would be horrific trying to corral all the loose hair. My goal was to remove the major heat trapping fur first. I got her face and neck done very quickly. Then removed a good part of her back fur. She had a 4" staple. Only with all the dead skin cells and peeling she has going on I had to switch from clippers to scissors. The sun came out about 1:15 p.m.. It wasn't long before my porphyria started acting up. I'm so injured/depleted I just don't have the reserves. I got pretty nauseous and dizzy, but I persevered until I had everything done but her legs and feet.  I trimmed the feet up a little bit, just so they wouldn't look like mops, but didn't tackle the hair between her toes or pads. I had been putting the shorn hair into a plastic garbage bag. Most of it anyway. I cleaned up the majority of the stuff that had escaped me and tossed our equipment inside. Rosie had been a very good girl! There were all kinds of distractions. The wind pushing clumps of moss out of the trees, falling pinecones, rushing creek water, critters scrambling through the under bush, the wooshing of traffic. She was rock solid! Such a good girl. I just had to stop and share that, she earned the accolades. Anyway, I was melting down fast. As soon as we got in the RV I cranked the a/c to "arctic blast" and ate both ATP and spoonfuls of honey. I shucked my hot clothes and put on skimpy, cooler ones. I washed my face in cold water. I grabbed liver treats for Rosie out of the freezer and told her how wonderful she was, then stood under the a/c and made my usual porphyria cure. I collapsed with it on the couch and didn't move for hours. Eventually I got up and made a second batch of porphyria cure. I realized that despite the rush I'd been in and the dizziness, I'd managed to do a pretty good job on Rosie's clip. 


I'm so pleased with her recovery. Its hard to imagine but her whole muzzle had blisters and peeled. Her nose turned white, dry and cracked and the outer layers were falling off. She's recovering amazingly well. It was horrific to watch the symptoms progressing and not be able to stop them. Thank God we finally figured it out!

I hadn't seen Bill arrive this day either. When I gathered my strength to take Rosie out in the evening I saw that the back gate was standing ajar. It hadn't been earlier. I'd checked. O.k. That's not good. I figured either Greg must have left it unlocked for Bill to arrive later Thursday night, or Bill had arrived and didn't get it locked completely. The wind did the rest. He could have come while I was in the galley or even in the bathroom... I wouldn't have seen him, or known. Anyway, I knew I needed to go down there and close it. It was more than I had the strength for. I whined and grumbled the whole way! Since it had been hanging open, I locked it. I wouldn't sleep worrying about it being unlocked and blowing open again during the night. I knew I'd go down and unlock it for Ron on Saturday. When we got back up to the RV, I was so exhausted I could barely stand up to cook Rosie's dinner. It took me a couple more hours to recover from all that. Since I'd dug the dirt devil handheld vacuum out of the closet when I dug out the dog clipping tools, I wanted to get the little bit of vacuuming done before putting it away. I dropped to my knees between the seats and reached through into the cab to vacuum that tiny bit of carpet. It was terribly dirty with pine needles and dog fur bunnies. It didn't take a lot of effort. I was laying forward on the tops of my thighs. So technically I was resting, right?  Its such a small space it didn't take but a minute to run the vacuum over it. Standing back up was the hard part. By the way, don't get a dirt devil hand held vac. No suction. SMH The brushes do pick up the dog hair and flick the pine needles into the head, thats better than nothing. 

And we're caught back up to Saturday.

I had another rough night, but the pain didn't arrive until 5:00 a.m. I was having this dream about these people on a farm. Then the son got fatally injured by a piece of farm equipment. He was supposed to be dead but he wouldn't quit screaming. It was a very disturbing dream. Even in my dream I knew he wasn't supposed to keep screaming, and that it was a dream. It disturbed me so much I woke up. Thats when I discovered how much pain I was in. My body was sending me a message. I got up to deal with it and ended up just staying up. I opened the vents to freshen the air in here, and then a window. I smelled fumes so I shut them all down. We went out to potty Rosie around 6:15 a.m. That alarm was sounding again. We walked down and shut it off. At least I now know how. I need to remember to let Greg know. I took my time doing chores this morning. I shook out the rugs, swept the floor and cleaned the filters. Slowly, slowly, with lots of rests. My chest still hurts. I made herbal tea.

Ron's supposed to come today. 

10:15 a.m.
We just got back from unlocking the gate. Breathing hard. Need to rest before breakfast. Chest still hurts. Lymph inflamed. Lips burning. 

Sunday May 7, 2017

6:20 a.m.

Ron arrived at 11:30 a.m. and stayed until 2:00 p.m.. We alternated walking and sitting on stumps by the fire pit. We talked about all kinds of things: His work, the kids, the park employees activities here, some financial things he's taken care of in my absence. He told me Bill was set up down at the camp office.

Ron did get a call from Roger. The property's executor and listing agent declined my request to camp there. Uhhn! They claimed it was because of "liability." Are they afraid I'll light fires? Chop down trees? Drive all over their property and tear it up? Is he worried I'll have a drunken party with drugs? Shoot the place up? I don't do any of those things. Are they afraid I'll trip, fall, get hurt and sue them? Or get attacked by a bear, etc. and my family will sue? I won't sue. My family won't either. I am well aware that I am the one responsible for taking these risks. Me, no one else. So frustrating. Do they really want to sell this piece of property? Or just not to someone like me? How can they expect me to spend the kind of money a property like that costs on a gamble? Without camping there, thats what it would be. 

Ron and I talked about my alternative locations for Mother's day weekend. The parks open Thursday the 11th, right before Mother's Day. Most likely, I can't stay here. People will come. It will be too toxic. OHV is booked solid for their ATV Poker event. He looked at me, I could see he didn't like saying it, but he suggested Miner's Campground. That's the place where there was shooting in the middle of the night last year. I told Ron I'd be going up the hill to make calls today, but I may wait until Monday. I want to talk to Kirsti at the park reservation's office. I'll have to think about it.

7:20 a.m
Back in from Rosie's walk. Ron brought up the sardines I'd ordered for Rosie. Steve Brown ("Unlocking the Canine Ancestral Diet") includes them in his balanced meals. I wasn't sure she'd like them. She LOVED them! Wiggly body, tail wagging, drooling and bouncing in anticipation, type of loved them! Well, there ya' go.

11:41 a.m
Skeined yarn for my baby sets. Skeined way too many balls of yarn. I did 14, 7 to go. Too many! Fibro! Eeeyeow! I started at 7:30 a.m.  4 hrs of the same repetitive movements, not real bright for someone with fibro. I know better! I just didn't think it had been that long. And I really, really wanted to get that part done. I have the white yarn soaking in a lidded bucket in the rear basement bin. The rest of the colors for the first project are in a separate ziploc bag. I burned the labels in the fire pit. They were pretty stinky. Waiting on hot water for a shower.

2:15 p.m.
I'm done for the day. I realized my dress was contaminated after my shower, so I put it in the laundry, all sealed up. I did the grey and fresh water, as well as the drinking water. I wanted to haul out the Panda and wash my clothes, but I just don't have it in me. I hurt so bad I'm contemplating a shot. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

I drove up to OHV yesterday and made calls and checked listings. Kirsti affirmed they have 6 people coming in to Anson-Wright from the time it opens on Thursday, and through the weekend. I'll be leaving Thursday morning. I'm not sure were I'm going yet. I called Roger and explained in more detail why I need the time camping on a property before I can decide to make an offer. Especially the part about the not being willing to waste hundreds of thousands of dollars on a crap shoot. He's talking to the listing agent again. I will call him on my way down the mountain. If the listing agent still says "no." I guess its the Miner's Campground. I did text Greg about the alarm. He radio'd me later. He hadn't received the text, so I told him about it.

I woke up at 3:00 a.m. with congestion. It escalated from there. I didn't figure out why until I got up at 6:00 a.m.. I'd left the plug open on the kitchen sink. I'm thinking "grey water tank fumes." Think about it. If I wash toxins off in the sink and shower, where do they go? Into the grey water tank. Even after I empty it, theres still residue. Its going to take several cycles through the grey water tank when I'm not getting toxins on me to wash off before they're flushed out. Forgetting to seal the drain was careless and stupid. I can't afford to do that. 

I did my shots. Now I'm going to curl up in a ball and long for the pain to go away and my breathing to get easier.

10:09 a.m.
Saw the park crew and the sheriff go down to Bill's. Don't know what that was about. They left after an hour. Still in pain. Trying everything, including shots. Making herbal tea.

10:30 a.m.
Crawling out of the pit. There's a bit of a bird fest going on outside the window. We have a Steller's Jay, a young Northern Flicker, a Mountain Chickadee and a Junco. 

12:30 p.m.
I went out and rinsed that yarn I had in the bucket. Unfortunately I spilled the yarn in the dirt while trying to pour off the water. Still not doing well but I wanted to get something productive done. Just making more work for myself. I rinsed it out again as best I could and hung it up to dry. I'll try shaking out all the duff when its dry. 

I kept smelling gas fumes when I was out there and noticed the handle to the generator was popped out. It was also unlocked. I know it wasn't out yesterday when I plugged in. Odd. I closed and locked it. I checked the gas gage. It doesn't look like I'm missing fuel. I threw a bucket of water on the ground under that part of the RV. It helped.

I put the pink yarn in a bucket of soapy water, secured the lid and placed that in the rear basement bin. I made sure that was locked, too. Then I went in and rinsed my face. More chest congestion. 

There are two flickers now. The one I thought was young may be a female. The second flicker is definitely male, and of the "Red Shafted" variety. There was also a small bird that resembled the Brown Creeper, but he had more grey than the pics in the Audubon app. Maybe there are other variations of Creepers not pictured?

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

6:25 a.m. 
Another rough night. Up at 4:00 a.m.. So what is it that I have still in my bedroom thats giving me problems?

I'd taken the sealed laundry bag of yarn, that was waiting to be processed and put it in the rear basement bin yesterday. I dried the white yarn on the line. I smelled it, couldn't smell anything. I balled it, and sniffed it again. Nothing. I took all 6 balls inside to put them in my work basket. Just to be extra careful I decided to put them in a ziplock. As I was stuffing them all in and zipping the bag closed I smelled fragrance. The bag went out to the rear basement bin as well. SO FRUSTRATING!!! I'll have to re-skein it and try again.

I'm going to try to run some more laundry today incase thats the problem - either I didn't get the washer cleaned out well enough or my sheets are contaminated. I hate chasing toxins! Maybe its my coat. The dicey part is that I risk things being contaminated here, when they are outside. I so need a safe place! 

7:00 a.m.
Change of plans. I took Rosie out, and smelled wood preservative. Not going to be able to do laundry. I'll have to think of some other way to deal with the problem, at least until the wind changes back. Its blowing out of the south this morning. It was blowing out of the NW, yesterday. 

5:37 p.m
I had problems with "stink on the wind" all day. When the wind changed directions I smelled Bill's cigarettes. I decided the best I could do was strip the bed, air the mattress and bedding (inside), next to the UV purifier, and put on the clean sheets. I sniffed several things I was worried about but didn't find anything else. I took another shower since its going to be awhile until the next one. Greg drove by. I let him know I'd be leaving tomorrow morning. During what I hoped was Bill's dinner hour we went out and topped the fresh water and emptied both waste water tanks. We did jump 2 deer as we came around the back side of the RV. Rosie did excellent. She didn't try to give chase. She got a liver cookie when we got back in. It was, thankfully not smelly while we were out, other than the waste water, but I still ended up with lung and sinus congestion.😤

I've been trying not to stress over the fact that I don't really have a safe place to go. And I've been thinking about the reality that even if I find a safe place to buy, life is still going to be hard. And lonely.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

I had a better night. I woke up at 4:20 a.m. with a little bit of congestion. It was much better than I expected. Once I was conscious all the thoughts, hopes and worries about where I'm going to go flooded in. Couldn't sleep after that. I got up, got dressed and made coffee. I read a novel earlier this week. "Deception" by Randy Alcorn. Its part of the Ollie Chandler series. He always mentioned what kind of coffee the characters were drinking. Is that important? Do people really care about that? Another author I was reading was always mentioning expensive name brand shoes. SMH I don't get it. I can sorta understand the coffee, at least a little bit. But designer shoes? Anyway, if it matters, I'm drinking organic Ethiopian, light roast. I load it up with 3 teaspoons of organic turbinado to a 12 oz. mug, and one of organic cocoa powder. Then I add a dallop of organic half-n-half. My doctor says I'm supposed to drink a quart, or more, of this stuff a day, for the methyls and anti-oxidants. I used to drink just one 6 oz. mug, unless I was painting the house.

When I eventually buy my property, and build my house, it won't need painting. I'm planning to build an earth-sheltered home out of surface bonded blocks and natural stone, or other on-site materials. Low exterior maintenance. Better energy efficiency. I've been reading up on it. I'm also not going to have a lawn. Instead, I'll have rotational sheep pastures all around the house, and a fenced off door yard with all the kinds of herbs and plants that repel fleas, ticks and mosquitos. I think about these kinds of things to quell my worries.

I took Rosie out at 6:00 a.m. I couldn't smell anything, but the lymph tissue in my back and jaw is complaining. 

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